Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Beat your wife

It was almost time for me to call it a day's work leave for home along with rest of the office staff. And then this senior manager just mentioned something that sparked a whole new debate, attracting interest from every other member of the office. I don't exactly remember what made Shrikant say it, because I wasn't paying attention to the things spoken before, as I was chatting with Onkar on Gmail. And suddenly, just like the rest of the staff, I heard him speak in marathi, "Hoy, mee marle ahe majya bayko la", (Yes, I did hit my wife). And all the necks in the large room abruptly turned towards Shrikant, and most hurriedly the ladies. Some girls in among the staff clasped their mouth, other looked on with their jaws dropped, followed exasperated gasps. Shrikant the explained why he did it. And so I write this post to emphasize my support for Shirkant over the necessity of use of physical force against one's spouse.

Reasons to hit your wife:
1> Hitting is fun. Don't you agree! If you have ever played Midtown Madness, a video game where you try to run your car over people moving around the street, and try to cause maximum damage, and you'll know what I am talking about. The best person to hit is your wife, because you will be able to hit her again, as she isn't going to run away anywhere.

2> Face it. Most of the temperamental women tend to nag their hubbies a lot over a host of insignificant and immaterial issues, like not flushing the WC, and forgetting to put one's socks in the wash machine, and masturbating. You can ignore it initially, but sometimes when your run in trouble at work, and you are in a bad mood, that bitch will make things worse for you by such attitude of hers'. At such times, your soul mate is supposed to support you, and not annoy you further.

In which case, you may shout at her. But if you give her a 'one tight slap' the first time she nags at you, in that case you'll never face this problem in your life ever again, as your wife will know not to get on your wrong side. So beat the shit out of your wife the first time she gets on your nerve. If you ignore it even once, you'll have to regret it rest of your life.

Tip: For the first time when you do it, hit the hardest. So hard that the bruise must be visible to anyone for at least a week. The best part to hit is the face, because every looks at that. You can probably use a belt, but it belt marks can be easily cover by clothes. But yes, using a belt to hit on the cheeks is a good idea.

3> The reason most love marriages don't work is because, when a girl marries someone out of love, she expects a lot from her husband. That makes it harder for the hubby to hit her. He goes on to tolerate her attitude problems. But at some point in his life, he can't take it anymore, and so the couple decide to call of the marriage.

In this case if you just set aside your love, and all other sentiments along with it, and take a practical approach to the case, and be brave and hit stupid moron of a wife, and you can successfully infuse some sense in her, and she may be more amiable and co operative with you in the future. Remind yourself that even you have the right to expect a lot from your girl just the way she does.

If you think love is just about giving, you are right, but you are also a bloody idiotic loser. You must remind you spouse that even she must think of just giving all the time because she is in love with you. If not, then she can very well fuck the hell off.

4> Some women are more resolute and adamant. Sometimes, at your very first hit, your wife may decide to divorce you. You may be afraid of it, and perhaps that would be a reason you would delay the flogging. Come on, who are you kidding. IF your wife can divorce you now, she can also divorce you later. And if you already have kids with her then, then you would probably get yourself screwed by hitting her then. Because if she decides to divorce you then, you're dead meat. The reason is, the law always gives preference to the women, in cases of child custody.

Hitting your wife in a short time after marriage, can clear up whether she will stick around, or leave you. If she leaves, in that case God just imparted you salvation from a bad choice, and you got yourself a second chance, by realizing your mistake in choosing. Think of it as a reward for your courage in raising your hand.

If she doesn't leave, and just cries in her room. BRAVO. You have a perfect wife, and you will be having a very happy married life. Love you wife then. Never hit her again, unless she nags(which would be unlikely, once she knows you can hit). Make love to her everyday. Kiss her daily, on lips, smooch her with your tongue. Brush her cheeks (women like that), and don't forget to have sex. You can caress her breasts too. Its feels very nice. Again try to make her purr in bed.


5> When you have sex after apologizing to your wife, women get more passionate and fucking gets more exciting then. First hit her. And then say sorry, and plead. And she will like that. Then make love for at least 2 hours. Nothing like it. Best, do it on Sunday so that you wouldn't get disturbed. And you can take her out for dinner too. I bet she'll be looking great and would be dressed sexily too. There no satisfaction as that which comes with walking around the street with your life partner dressed in a highly stimulating outfit.

In some, and very rare cases, you may never need to hit your wife. Perhaps if your wife is very mature, highly understanding and considerate of you, there is absolutely no reason to hit her. Remember, hitting without no reason is a bad thing. Even Hitler didn't hit his wife (though he was married only for couple of hours). If you happen to marry such a women, you are the luckiest man on the planet. Ask no further.

Also, in some cases, again rare, if your wife is intelligent, you can actually argue with her over her behaviour. Remember, to have a successful married life, your wife must trust your judgment and decisions. IF your wife doesn't trust your decision making ability, you're in for a big ride. And in return you must trust your wife's judgment too. If you can't do that then don't marry the girl, and find someone else who's decision you trust. At any rate you don't want a wife who is an idiot. Unless of course you're wife accepts the fact that she is an idiot. In that case you are lucky again. The wisest thing that can be done in the world, is for an idiot to agree that he is an idiot. Even the wisest of all men find it a very difficult task.

If you trust your wife's intelligence and decision making acumen completely, there is no reason to hit her as it is more likely that you are an idiot yourself.

When to do it?
If you have made up your mind to hit and you are wondering when to do it, here's a tip. Do it when she least expects it. That way you can record a maximum shock and optimal impact, both on body and mind. If she nags you now, wait till she is in a cheerful mood till later. When she is all in her best mood, hit her quickly, and make it fast. It should be in a split second. I would advice practicing initially. That should be helpful. That one stroke will have settled all your wife-nagging trouble for the rest of your life. The more brutal, the more effective it will be.


soudaminee said...

can i rewrite the same story by interchanging the terms 'wife' and 'husband'?

Gaurav said...

no offence... like i said for an intelligent wife thrz no need for a beating... nd besides wht do u care bout nagging ur hubby as long as he gets u all those soft toys

soudaminee said...

what no offence....u HAVE committed an offence....n be sorry for it.....u cant publish such kind of stuff.......plz delete it......i'll ask ur wife, i mean fiance to read this b4 she hooks up with u.....

ashwini said...

well, its funny.. i'll give u tht much. but even if u dnt intend any offence, its still not something tht goes down well.. i'm sure u knw tht domestic violence is very serios offense all over the world.. n tho u hopefully dnt mean it, u certainly shudn't condone such things.. its a very petty show of power

bigvike1374 said...

Interesting read...not sure how I feel about it but it is ...provactive....? Made me think that is for sure.

John Haring said...

There is an Italian saying which translates to: "Beat your wife every day. You may not know why, but she will."

Gaurav said...

Good quote

BABA said...

Gaurav I think you said something that no one has got or I the one who is reading with different attitude

Pritam(Phil) said...

Gaurav it may change the thinking of a person looking towards his wife . The experiences you shared in it ,I agree to few of them but not everything.

Dhapaa said...

i like the work but people has to take it in a correct way. It is for those man whose wife continuously nag for no reason. But if it is cruelty if u do it for intelligent wife.

felix domesticus said...

this is a text with subliminal messages. it brings together and conveys the idea of foreigners (shrikant) with negative and uncivilized behaviors (beating a woman). i am sure the writer of this text is also a racist, homophobic and patriotic person who is also pathetic.