Saturday, August 16, 2008

Me and the Intruder

My folks woke me up today morning before leaving, and I made my way up to the First floor of my new home, which I still getting accustomed to. I went to the kitchen, and made myself some coffee, and put it in the microwave, and was brushing my teeth then. And I noticed this guy right in my hall. He was trying to force his way out of a narrowly open sliding window. My first thought was to shut that window. After shutting it, I went over all the house and sealed off every other possible exit for him. He realized that I had just locked him in and made his way into one of the corners. Not so eagerly anticipating my next move, he waited. And then followed a wild and almost 'Tom and Jerry' chase for half an hour till he finally realized the fact that his escape wouldn't be as easy as that of Jerry as this was not a cartoon.

He finally let me get my hands over him, only to enlighten me about his razor sharp teeth. He took great pride in burying his two most magnificently conspicuous teeth, deep within one of the blood veins running through my right forehand. I managed to actually pull his teeth out with all the force to free my beloved vein, only to realize the eventuality that I would have to compromise the thumb on my left hand again to his 'Gillette Mach 3' teeth.

But finally he understood the difference between him and cobra, and realized that such bites were hardly of any consequence. He then went all numb. I had finally caught him. I was delighted of course, knowing that many people never ever get to touch as much as a dead squirrel, in their lifetime, let alone a live one.

He was scared like a rat (although it would be obvious, because he comes from a rat family) His whole body was vibrating harder than Nokia N72 does when fully charged. His heart was pounding as fast as hell. I brushed his head as a gesture of goodwill towards him, trying to let him know that even though I chased him down with quite some difficulty, I still wouldn't have begruded him an escape.

But the poor fellow was convinced that he tasted better than boneless chicken, and that the best possible service he could render me was himself as a delicacy for my breakfast. All the time his fists were tightly clenched. I racked my brains and tried hard to think of a way for letting him know my friendly intentions. I let him have my finger, just to allow him another bite, but he seemed to have lost all hope, and just kept on staring even when I put my finger on his teeth. I then put a couple of nuts in front of him, but he refused to eat them even after I left him alone with them. I even let him loose in the house, but he would not move then, all the time looking at me as if I were the Satan himself.

Just look at his fists, tightly clenched, and praying

As many of you may know, that I am an ardent animal lover. I can't stand the idea of an animal being scared of me. As I felt quite heartless to bother the poor fellow any further, I went on to open one of the windows for him. He went for the exit like a bullet, not looking back or even sideways, afraid that I may change my mind. That would be last time I'd be seeing him now, and I doubt he'd come back even inside our garden, as I had frightened the living daylights out of him.

I went to the doctor then to pick up the remains of the day, and to find out what was to be done with my vein now. But I still feel it was worth the effort, as it was the first, and probably the last time I'd get to caress a squirrel. Its a pity the there was no way I could have let the fellow know I wasn't as bad as he'd make of me.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Words of the week

Here are all the week's words. There are just five. I missed out updating the blog on two of the days. Sorry.

Absolute ceiling

The maximum altitude at which an aircraft is capable of maintaining horizontal flight at normal atmospheric conditions.
Note: The altitude above Absolute ceiling is called Aeropause where an aircraft cannot fly.

Whited Sepulcher
1. An evil person who makes a pretense of a holy or good.
2. informal Hypocrite.

1.The lowest score obtained by the throw of two dices.
2.Bad luck or misfortune.
3. Anything having an insignificant value : Worthless.

Something seemingly impressive but actually false or insicere.

A feeling of hope

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Balls Galore

"To be utterly common is itself extraordinary"
- Osho Rajnish

I don't like this Rajnish guy at all, and I don't even support any of his views because he is a big fraud. But I agree with what he says about street dogs. Street dogs are the most extraordinary among all animals, not just because they are utterly common and quiet abundant, but also awfully smart. To prove my point I would like to adduce to you some circumstantial evidence to support my views, unlike our dear friend Osho of course, who just said "I am God", instead of making any sense.Firstly there is no dispute among anyone that dogs are the best among all mammals, and even in some aspects better than lesbians. My aim is to convince the reader that street dogs (gavthi) are better than any other breed, in all attributes.

1. They have straightforward rules of engagement

Admit it. People these days talk of animals going extinct. Why? Because those animals are morons, unlike street dogs. Street dogs sure know how to multiply well enough. They have a pretty 'get to the point' approach in breeding.

Find a female, smell her ass, and then invade the pussy. I mean other animals have ridiculously complicated laws of courtship. Spiders and bugs have to perform tap dances, while tigers have to keep growling, and peacocks have to expose their beneaths. Dogs dont need to masturbate every now and then like me either.

2. They are often politically correct

This has been proven by many experts that dogs bark at the right people. Even Abraham Lincoln used to take advice from his own dog who would then respond with a bark. Now rather than saying anything more I'd like to show you rock solid evidence of my hypothesis. The following is the pic I have promptly captured.

The image shows a dog shitting right next to a MNS party flag. Being a true Mumbaikar, this dog shows contempt for Raj Thackeray's views. This itself proves my conjecture.

3. They own the place

Now come on. You know this as well as anyone else. They own the place. They can go anywhere without being asked questions. They can do whatever they want with their stuff. They'll make bed anywhere they want, whether we like it or not. Here again I would present few pics to abet my views.

4. They know very well whom to appreciate

I asked one of the sagacious members of their community to opine on Naomi Campbell, and this is what he had to say to me...

(Go and kiss mothers behind)

5. They never bother people unnecessarily

Face it. We need to learn something from the dogs. I mean have you ever seen a street dog bother you. They just treat us quite passively, and have certain amount of indifference to human affairs. Because they know very well that they are of a little account to us, and so rightfully keep out of our way.
But not us. I mean asking an excreta like Pfr. Potadar (if ever there was worse professor) to teach Math students Java is really too much for any Ruia college student.
Most street dogs always comply and cooperate with humans around them for better living. Here is an example...
The clean surroundings indicate the street dogs appreciate the herculean efforts taken to clean the road.

All these things add up to convey that street dogs are indeed the most acceptable and favourable fauna in our environment. If you think otherwise or that you still remain impervious to my manipulative skills, then you are cordially invited to post your comments.
Thank you.