Friday, May 30, 2008


One of the prime features that a good film or cartoon (or even sometimes a bad one) offers us, and a feature which a good deal of the people although appreciate, seldom consider it consequential enough in wholesome entertain, is the one-liners or punchlines. Witty remarks that could otherwise have impressed a panel of interviewers if not used already in the film, not only catch our attention but also add flavour to the scene, if not anything else. The one line satire may be hardly helpful in reviewing the film, but it definitely is loads better than lousy sardar and blonde jokes. Along with them we do have a lot of occasional jokes and punchlines to make films and cartoons worth watching. Here is a list of all my favourite punchlines(as far as i can remember; there may be more but just can't recall them all right now). You are free to add ones that I have missed. The dialogues may be different in words in movies actually, as I am writing them down from sheer memory. Spare any mistakes.

1. The Cliffhanger
A group of criminals are on a plane which has no pilots and is about to crash. One of their member is badly injured by a bullet hit. When the plane is losing altitude in is about to fall in rocky mountains, another gang member asks the leader,"What do we do about him? He is not gonna make it"
Just when the plane is nearing the crash the boss replies, "How about taking him to a hospital".

2. Jingle all the way
When Arnold Schwarzenegger is mistaken for the Turbo man actor, and as is being dressed up, he notices Turbo man's comarade 'Booster' already in his costume, and says," Hey I know you. you're Booster".
And Booster replies,"Oh yeah. And who the hell do you think you are. Mary Poppins?"

3. A few good men
When Tom Cruise compells Jack Nicholson to confess his crime in front of the jury, and as Nicholson is being taken in custody, he says," You fucking people. You don't know how to defend a country. You put peoples' lives in danger. Sweet dreams son."
Cruise replies," Don't call me son, you son-of-a-bitch"

4. I can't really remember the name of the movie, which I viewed long time back on HBO. But it was based on a group of aliens who after bieng stranded on earth, decide to live alongside other humans, expecting to pass a humans. They look just like humans except their elongated and tapering heads, and they also have a ridiculously high IQ. When the alien female goes shopping in a mall with her human neighbour, and while having a chat, her neighbor tells her, referring to her own husband, "Men are really pigs."
The alien female says," Pig? You mean a domesticated animal which excretes the same place where it consumes?"

5. Shrek 2
Shrek wakes up to find himself in human form, and realizes that he needs to kiss 'his true love' before midnight if the change is to be made permanent. But a group of three horny girls surround him, and try to seduce him.
First girl : I'll be your true love.
Second girl : No, I'll be you true love.
Third girl : No, I'll be your true love....umm...true enough.

6. Eurotrip
a) Jamie is excited about his forthcoming trip to Europe with is twin sister, and tells Cooper, "...I can hardly wait. We have already packed. You wanna see my artillery?"
Cooper spontaneously replies, "You wanna see my balls?"

b) Cooper notices Candy sitting nude inside the swimming pool, and takes a dive in the pool. The girl is taken aback by his sudden appearance, ask him, "What are you doing here?"
Cooper says,"Oops, I guess this isn't where I parked my car"

7. Pirates of the Carribean, the legend of the black pearl
Johnny Depp is imprisoned along with other pirates, when the pirate ship Black Pearl attacks the harbour. Other prisoners are frightened and say,"Its the black pearl. Stories say it leaves no survivors."
Depp replies,"No survivors! Where do the stories come from, I wonder."

8. Tea with Mussolini
This scene is not exactly funny, but rather, emotional in the way things turned out. The film is based in an era just before the second world war. When Mussolini and Hitler begin their mutual friendship, and two powerful nations form an leviathan coalition, the Englanders living in Italy suffer. Although the Italian have no feud whatsoever with the English families settled in Italy, they realize that its only a matter of years before Italy would be drawn in a war with England. And so just to be cautious of the secret service they citizens of Italy begin distancing themselves with their English friends.
A rich Italian businessman fires his personal assistant, and says that he is sorry to do so, but is compelled due to the way things had gone. Realizing the truth in his words,the Englishwoman leaves without arguing. Just as she is leaving he says to her,"Don't go back to England. Instead move to USA. The way I see it, England is finished. In a few years probably, England would cease to exist."
The English woman says, " I wouldn't be too sure of that".

9. The Island
Evan McGregor is a clone who is brought up in a facility owned by a company which manufactures clones of rich people for medical replacements.Which goes to say, he doesn't know anything about the world we live in, neither the human civilization. He has no proper education either.
Once, while talking to Steve Buschemi, who is a worker at the facility, Buschemi mentions the word 'God'. And McGregor ask him, "What is God?"
Buschemi replies,"Oh god... you know, when you want something very badly, and you close your eyes and wish that you would get it... God is the guy who ignores you"

These are all I can think of at the moment. There may be many more of course. Perhaps you can help me remember.

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