Coconuts

We know that some superhero movies based on comics suck like anything. I mean If you have watched The Hulk and Superman, you would know what crap I am talking. Nevertheless, compared to superhero films from Indian cinema , they seem to be quite something. It not that they aren’t a sample of poor imagination, but just that their Indian counterparts are worst in terms of creativity.

Almost 99% of the stunts and the concept in Indian film are copies. For example, Krishh, India’s first modern day superhero film, and a super-hit one as well. The concept is copied from Ben Affleck's Paycheck, and they have given the protagonist some superpowers to combat his opponents, to turn it into a superhero movie. And of course they have added the regular ‘masala’ or spice, which a common term for hindi movie contents like songs (where people dance to convey how stupid they are), along with a love story (without which the film won’t attract any viewers, though I don’t know why the viewers in India are so shy so as to cull sex scenes, if they a make much ado about love stories).

The only genuine part of Krishh was the way in which the Superhero does his super-stuff. This guy doesn’t cast webs like Spiderman or fly straightway like Superman. He rides an invisible bicycle in air, or perhaps he can fly, but he thinks, he looks cool by pretending to ride an invisible bicycle while flying. Such a piece of shit was a box office hit in India. In other words, you get the idea that a man can sell any junk in this country.

To show you the limits of such bullshit, I’ll write this post, to tell you about a famous comic series sold in north Indian markets which a stumbled upon this week.

The comic series is called ‘Nagraj’. Nagraj is a name for our superhero. The name Nagraj, Literally translated into English is ‘Snake-king’ (Sanskrit: Naag – Snake, Raj – reign). This is India most popular comic series. I must admit, the author of this series has some balls. This is the worst kind of imagination and lack of creativity I have witnessed.

Here is the trivia: (All the information given below is obtained from ‘Nagraj’ website)

1. According to legends his other powers evolved when he was treated with ashes of a dead ichchhadhaari(wish holding*) snake. In hindu mythology, Icchadari snake is a person who after 1000 years of living in a cursed state in form of some rock, is released back into the world. In reality the fact was that Nagraj was much more poisonous than any species of snakes because his venom was celestial.

My comments:

This part is understandable. every superhero needs some kind of story for his supernatural origin. Over here the author has written the story based on hindu mythology, an obvious choice for reasoning for sake of harnessing the super powers. I mean, when you mention the word celestial, no scientific explanation is needed, which relieves you the trouble of explaining all the chemistry, physics and radioactive mumbo jumbo. You get straight to the business, i.e. fighting criminals.

2. Nagraj has a number of powers like superhuman strength, poisonous breath (vish-foonkaar) and bite, instant healing powers and of course, snakes who come out of his wrists separately or make interesting shapes like ropes, parachutes and many other depending on his imagination. (Note : poisonous breath is enemy specific, i.e. it only hurts his opponents)

My comments:

Superhuman strength is the foundation of a superhero, most of the superheroes have it.

The next is the ‘enemy specific poisonous breath’. Obviously, one can find it difficult to comprehend that, when you exhale poisonous air out of your nostrils, how can it be enemy specific at all. But such doubts are answered when they mention that his power are celestial, i.e. no scientific explanation is needed for those who believe in god. For those who don’t believe in God, please read the bible for clarification.

Poisonous bite follows from his name itself, ‘Snake-king’. I mean, there’s no point calling a person 'snake-king' if his bite isn’t poisonous.

Snakes who come out of his hand and make ‘interesting’ shapes like ropes (as if they aren’t shaped like ropes already, gimme a break) and parachutes . Snakes forming a parachute(what bullshit?) – yeah I know exactly what you are thinking. How annoyingly interesting can you get!

3. He is a superhero blessed with the powers of snakes. Millions of snakes reside inside his body, in micro-form. Weapons do no harm him as his micro-snakes instantly heal the wounds.

My comments:

Snakes residing inside his body in micro form. This is no surprise. I am sure there must be millions of body cells in a normal human body which look like microscopic snakes, for example, the sperms. Yeah, to have sperms which can heal your wounds, now that something.

4. Over the years Nagraj became powerful enough not only to pick up falling cars singlehandedly but also achieved feats like throwing things in outer space quite effortlessly.

My comments:

Throwing things in outer space quite effortlessly (here ‘things’ necessarily imply everything) –

I really can’t think of any comments. I mean the author has taken all precautions to make sure that no superhero from any other comic (Indian or Foreign) edition can ever weigh up to this guy.

And what the hell is a falling car? I have never seen one.

5. It is notable, and perhaps ironic, that Nagraj has now been transformed into a mythical-magical creature facing fantastical creatures as his enemies, with elements of sorcery/magic and even time and space travel.

My comments :

Oh yes it is ironic. And not just this part. In case the author didn’t notice, the whole thing sounds ironic to me, right from the beginning of his nutcase storyline based on hindu mythology.

6. Powerful snake friends live inside his body, who also posses superpowers.

Saudangi : Friend-lives in his body

Sheetnag kumar : Friend-lives in his body

Naagu : Friend-lives in his body

My comments:

Living inside his body is okay(remember he is a celestial being). Why the hell does he need powerful friends anyway when he can easily toss things out in space.

The whole point in creating this comic is, to make sure that in every hypothetical situation, wherein criminals do their evil activity, Nagraj must always have some or the other superpower to combat them in not more than three pages in a single comic issue. That way you can include lot of different criminals and variety of plots in a single issue of 30-40 pages.

My word to the author : I congratulate you on successfully exploiting and harnessing the poor IQ of Indian population. Making money effortlessly is definitely more appetizing prospect, than throwing things effortlessly into outer space.

My word to the readers and fans of Nagraj: Fuck you idiots, and fuck your intellect. Can’t believe you fall for such pigeon excreta like ‘Nagraj’.

A game called chaos

Leopold Cafe, one of the locations where the terrorists struck

This post comes a little late now, but I took my time to write this one, saving it in parts in the 'drafts', as I needed to put everything in the right words, and again I was waiting for all the matter to be cleared (at least somewhat, if not completely). On 26, November, hell broke loose on my city. Mumbai, the financial capital (its as good as the actual capital) was attacked yet again by terrorist. Its not like we hadn't encountered terror attacks before. But this time, instead of setting up the bombs, the perpetrators came out on the streets themselves, with sophisticated weapons and accessories, and attacked both the civilians as well as the police, and then later the armed forces. This was the first time the country witnessed such attacks, right in the heart of the most beloved place, the city of dreams, a place where setting up one's own residence is a dream shared by majority of the population, both rural and urban.

I'm not gonna bother to describe the details of the attack, firstly because I find it difficult to morph into words, and secondly because I expect those who read my blog to be already apprised and aware of the incident. If you don't know anything about it, then you shouldn't bother to read the post either (motherfucker). The following is my reaction to the attacks, followed by my opinions on others reaction, as well as my conjecture about the things to be done, after we have measured the remains of the day.

Why did it happen?

"...the problem my dear Brutus is not in the stars, but ourselves" - Cassius (in 'Julius Caesar')

Our people and the government blame Pakistan for the attacks. But I say we ourselves are the culprits. Everyone knows that there are a million loopholes in the security, and although people notice it every time they pass by, no one really cares to address the problem. The citizens themselves are not alert, and those who notice wrong doings, say that they are too busy to do anything about it. Yup, here in Bombay, people just dont have enough time to even wince at you, or so they claim.

'The politicians are corrupt' which is a popular cliche, is recited by those who donot bother to vote for the country, which unfortunately comprises chiefly of the educated class. And the ones who vote are illiterate, who get easily swayed by faux promises, and their votes are exploited. As if that isnt enough, the qualified people decide to stay away from politics ( and even the government sector) to pursue the American dream, and then later you can see them complaining that our politicians aren't qualified enough.

Renouned columnists who write for popular newspapers use phrases like 'terrorism has crippled the country' and 'the rise in terror' or even 'the root cause of hatred'. I suppose such columnist could have fared better in writing about the advantages of having a prosthetic penis. Think over it again. When wasn't there terrorism? The Indians have always known terror right from the early days during the Moghul empire, the British rule, the era after independence, and now again. And not just us, but terrorism exists in most of the large countries in the world, and has always existed throughout the entire history. There have been deadlier terror strikes in the country with more people killed than now. So why does this attack strike us so bitterly?

Thats an easy question to answer. The attack would hardly have had any impact if it had happened in any other city. I doubt if people would have been as much sentimental as now if it would have happened in Delhi. People from every corner of the country come to Mumbai. As I have said earlier, many look forward to settling near the city, and many more fantasize about it. Everyone one in the country has some or the other relative, friend or acquaintance who lives in Mumbai or visits the place regularly. The terrorist attack one the most popular locations of the city is hence percieved by many as and attack on the entire nation.

The only rationale for such an attack taking place, is because it was allowed to take place. Simple enough. We ourselves had offered those imbeciles the opportunity. There isnt any single entity to be blamed for this, but a collective fault, ranging from intelligence failure and slackness in domestic security to the dirty politics in the nation.

Who should pay the price?
The terrorists. And ofcourse Pakistan. But we need to address the primary issues first. As Marcus Cicero (a renouned Roman statesman during Caesar's era) had mentioned in one of his speeches, 'When a fish begins to rot, it always rots headfirst'. Thats right, it our leaders who must accept the responsibility. In my opinion, a leader is a person who is supposed to know how to do his business. If he doesn't, then he has no business being a leader. Cicero further said '... the only way to save the fish from rotting, is to cut off the head.'

The ministers simply have to go, including Singh, with all due respect. Although I admire him as a person, he is just not fit to be our PM. And Sonia is better being shipped back to Rome. Not just her, but the entire Gandhi family has failed to impress me their dirty politics(with the exception of Mr. Sanjay Gandhi) . I was convinced of her ... eh...I really dont have any word to describe it...lets say 'dishonour'... when she, for sake elections in Kerela, acquired support of Karunanidhi, who was indicated in the assassination of her own husband Mr. Rajiv Gandhi (although I don't think much of him either). I am delighted to see that cunt Shivraj Patil resign, and I honestly hope and pray to God that he may permanently depart from politics, and even hopefully the world. Most of the senior national and state ministers have followed suit and resigned.

Ofcourse, changing the leaders doesn't really solve the problem, but it is still a sine qua non for our purpose.

What next?

We need to take a hardliner attitude towards terrorism. Firstly, we need to establish a goverment body specially dedicated to external terrorist threats, which should be given a free hand to operate, and enforced by tough terror laws, and an dossier containing an en regle presidential directive that any government officer irrespective of rank or position must extend full cooperation to the members of the body, without asking questions.

The surveillance should be increased, with more officers being involved. The security measures should be sophisticated, and not just comprising of cosmetics of guns and uniforms to merely discourage the terrorists. Amar has suggest on his blog that the whole city should be mapped in a 3-D layout with structural information, and blueprint of every single building in the city being made available in a single database. We should try to make our security as digital as possible. The police weaponry should be upgraded, and a Special Response Team should be established which would be able to reach any point in the city at the seventh minute.

Actions against Pakistan

I have already made my opinion on this subject in one of my earlier posts, 'there can be no peace between India and Pakistan, ever'. Of course, I'd rule out a direct war with Pakistan(On this matter I agree with Mr Pranab Mukherjee). The fact is we don't have what it takes to run the wire. Many Indians believe, that our armed forces can easily achieve a overwhelming victory against Pak if the two are pitted against each other. Well I guess it just their patriotism that speaks, shadowing their reasoning. The truth is our army sucks. Indian army is already facing a shortage of about 30,000 senior officers (Colonel, Brigadier, and General) Pakistan have just twenty divisions or so less than ours. And remember guys, we have four fronts to protect, while technically they have just one. Again their airforce is bigger than us. They have more aircrafts than us, and even shitloads of F-18s, as compared to our stuttering MIG-21s. We do have a vast navy, but again, we have an equally vast coastline, compared to Pakistan's negligible coast. And to add to that, we also have a Catch 22 situation, since about 70% of our oil which has to be imported from Iran arrives through a pipeline via Pakistan, which they have an option of blocking in case of war. Imagine what would happen if 70% of our fuel supply would vanish in a snap of a finger. We have more to lose in this war, than what they have to gain.

But there is not need for an outright war. Rather than calling for internation pressure we must take things in our own hands. We must establish our own unit for cross border operations against the terrorists operating in Pakistan. We have our 'Agni' missiles capable of striking strategic location and terrorist camp, and we must use them. Everyone knows the location of Dawood Ibrahim's residence in Karachi (The guy has the nerve to name his bungalow 'The White house'). It should hit by our ballistic missiles. We can later offer our condolence if any of the Pak government officials gets killed(As if we are gonna meant it). We have the full right to take any step to protect our country, and we dont need any permission for that. there should be no further peace process negotiations with Pakistan unless they hand over Maulana Masood Azar, and Hafiz Sayeed to us (But then I doubt if any of the present political leaders would have the balls make such a move).

A game called chaos

When I first heard about the attack on the news my first thought was to go to there, at ground zero. But ofcourse I knew I would get to go there. But thats the way it is with me. I am totally undaunted despite the attacks. I read on one of my friend that he is now scared to go to VT station, as he goes there often, and that he doesn't trust the security. I even read in the news that many famous personalities feel scared to go out on streets. They are nuthing but chickens and cotton balls. I don't second that, sorry. I have been to VT railway station on many occasions and I will be going there again, and I did go there two days after the attacks. Despite any amount of terrorist threat, I'd still go to any place in my city, not because I am fond of getting myself killed, but I don't like the idea of terrorists, politicians or anyone else telling me where I should and should not go.

No matter these attack, I still havent lost my faith in our defense and security forces. The fact that Mr. Hemant Karkare, the head of ATS(Anti terrorist squad) ran straight into the line of fire himself and died for us, itself shows the level of commitment and dedication our officers work with. Keep in mind that we must all have faith in them, ...or else who will? There may be further terror stikes on the city, and there might be some plan being hatched even as I write. But to be afraid is to allow ourselves to be terrorized, which would only help the purpose of these militants. As I have said before, only we can allow such a thing to happen and only we can stop it from hapenning. I still feel a bit jealous of the NSG boys as they got to go on the spot, and I couldn't do much but watch. I'd still do everything possible from my side.

All of us must be ever alert, and remind ourselves that it can happen to us, and keep a lookout. We must act like responsible citizen and raise our voice. Many among us, who are well educated must vote. I have heard many of my cousins say that they dont vote, as their vote is supposed to be registered in a place they were staying earlier, and that they cant sapre any time to go there. They should probably try to suck their own dick. Your vote is absolutely necessary. It may be just one vote, but it still counts, and matters (too late for those who havent registered. The last date for application has already passed).

I wont say more than this, as I am pretty sure all of us must have talked amongst each other a lot during the last two weeks over this issue. I am myself quite incensed about it, and the thoughts never cease. I have tried to make this post as short as I could. The last thing I'd like to say... irrespect of whether we face terror, or we are in times of peace, we must be willing to make a little sacrifice (i.e. willing to take a bullet) for our country. If you can't do that then keep your mouth shut (and don't ever visit my blog again).

'Whatever you do will be insignificant, but its very important that you do it'

- Mahatma Gandhi


Gateway of India, Mumbai.

Beat your wife

It was almost time for me to call it a day's work leave for home along with rest of the office staff. And then this senior manager just mentioned something that sparked a whole new debate, attracting interest from every other member of the office. I don't exactly remember what made Shrikant say it, because I wasn't paying attention to the things spoken before, as I was chatting with Onkar on Gmail. And suddenly, just like the rest of the staff, I heard him speak in marathi, "Hoy, mee marle ahe majya bayko la", (Yes, I did hit my wife). And all the necks in the large room abruptly turned towards Shrikant, and most hurriedly the ladies. Some girls in among the staff clasped their mouth, other looked on with their jaws dropped, followed exasperated gasps. Shrikant the explained why he did it. And so I write this post to emphasize my support for Shirkant over the necessity of use of physical force against one's spouse.

Reasons to hit your wife:
1> Hitting is fun. Don't you agree! If you have ever played Midtown Madness, a video game where you try to run your car over people moving around the street, and try to cause maximum damage, and you'll know what I am talking about. The best person to hit is your wife, because you will be able to hit her again, as she isn't going to run away anywhere.




2> Face it. Most of the temperamental women tend to nag their hubbies a lot over a host of insignificant and immaterial issues, like not flushing the WC, and forgetting to put one's socks in the wash machine, and masturbating. You can ignore it initially, but sometimes when your run in trouble at work, and you are in a bad mood, that bitch will make things worse for you by such attitude of hers'. At such times, your soul mate is supposed to support you, and not annoy you further.

In which case, you may shout at her. But if you give her a 'one tight slap' the first time she nags at you, in that case you'll never face this problem in your life ever again, as your wife will know not to get on your wrong side. So beat the shit out of your wife the first time she gets on your nerve. If you ignore it even once, you'll have to regret it rest of your life.

Tip: For the first time when you do it, hit the hardest. So hard that the bruise must be visible to anyone for at least a week. The best part to hit is the face, because every looks at that. You can probably use a belt, but it belt marks can be easily cover by clothes. But yes, using a belt to hit on the cheeks is a good idea.




3> The reason most love marriages don't work is because, when a girl marries someone out of love, she expects a lot from her husband. That makes it harder for the hubby to hit her. He goes on to tolerate her attitude problems. But at some point in his life, he can't take it anymore, and so the couple decide to call of the marriage.

In this case if you just set aside your love, and all other sentiments along with it, and take a practical approach to the case, and be brave and hit stupid moron of a wife, and you can successfully infuse some sense in her, and she may be more amiable and co operative with you in the future. Remind yourself that even you have the right to expect a lot from your girl just the way she does.



If you think love is just about giving, you are right, but you are also a bloody idiotic loser. You must remind you spouse that even she must think of just giving all the time because she is in love with you. If not, then she can very well fuck the hell off.

4> Some women are more resolute and adamant. Sometimes, at your very first hit, your wife may decide to divorce you. You may be afraid of it, and perhaps that would be a reason you would delay the flogging. Come on, who are you kidding. IF your wife can divorce you now, she can also divorce you later. And if you already have kids with her then, then you would probably get yourself screwed by hitting her then. Because if she decides to divorce you then, you're dead meat. The reason is, the law always gives preference to the women, in cases of child custody.

Hitting your wife in a short time after marriage, can clear up whether she will stick around, or leave you. If she leaves, in that case God just imparted you salvation from a bad choice, and you got yourself a second chance, by realizing your mistake in choosing. Think of it as a reward for your courage in raising your hand.

If she doesn't leave, and just cries in her room. BRAVO. You have a perfect wife, and you will be having a very happy married life. Love you wife then. Never hit her again, unless she nags(which would be unlikely, once she knows you can hit). Make love to her everyday. Kiss her daily, on lips, smooch her with your tongue. Brush her cheeks (women like that), and don't forget to have sex. You can caress her breasts too. Its feels very nice. Again try to make her purr in bed.

OFTEN KEEP BUYING HER GIFTS




5> When you have sex after apologizing to your wife, women get more passionate and fucking gets more exciting then. First hit her. And then say sorry, and plead. And she will like that. Then make love for at least 2 hours. Nothing like it. Best, do it on Sunday so that you wouldn't get disturbed. And you can take her out for dinner too. I bet she'll be looking great and would be dressed sexily too. There no satisfaction as that which comes with walking around the street with your life partner dressed in a highly stimulating outfit.


In some, and very rare cases, you may never need to hit your wife. Perhaps if your wife is very mature, highly understanding and considerate of you, there is absolutely no reason to hit her. Remember, hitting without no reason is a bad thing. Even Hitler didn't hit his wife (though he was married only for couple of hours). If you happen to marry such a women, you are the luckiest man on the planet. Ask no further.

Also, in some cases, again rare, if your wife is intelligent, you can actually argue with her over her behaviour. Remember, to have a successful married life, your wife must trust your judgment and decisions. IF your wife doesn't trust your decision making ability, you're in for a big ride. And in return you must trust your wife's judgment too. If you can't do that then don't marry the girl, and find someone else who's decision you trust. At any rate you don't want a wife who is an idiot. Unless of course you're wife accepts the fact that she is an idiot. In that case you are lucky again. The wisest thing that can be done in the world, is for an idiot to agree that he is an idiot. Even the wisest of all men find it a very difficult task.



If you trust your wife's intelligence and decision making acumen completely, there is no reason to hit her as it is more likely that you are an idiot yourself.

When to do it?
If you have made up your mind to hit and you are wondering when to do it, here's a tip. Do it when she least expects it. That way you can record a maximum shock and optimal impact, both on body and mind. If she nags you now, wait till she is in a cheerful mood till later. When she is all in her best mood, hit her quickly, and make it fast. It should be in a split second. I would advice practicing initially. That should be helpful. That one stroke will have settled all your wife-nagging trouble for the rest of your life. The more brutal, the more effective it will be.

Balls Galore

"To be utterly common is itself extraordinary"
- Osho Rajnish

I don't like this Rajnish guy at all, and I don't even support any of his views because he is a big fraud. But I agree with what he says about street dogs. Street dogs are the most extraordinary among all animals, not just because they are utterly common and quiet abundant, but also awfully smart. To prove my point I would like to adduce to you some circumstantial evidence to support my views, unlike our dear friend Osho of course, who just said "I am God", instead of making any sense.Firstly there is no dispute among anyone that dogs are the best among all mammals, and even in some aspects better than lesbians. My aim is to convince the reader that street dogs (gavthi) are better than any other breed, in all attributes.

1. They have straightforward rules of engagement

Admit it. People these days talk of animals going extinct. Why? Because those animals are morons, unlike street dogs. Street dogs sure know how to multiply well enough. They have a pretty 'get to the point' approach in breeding.



Find a female, smell her ass, and then invade the pussy. I mean other animals have ridiculously complicated laws of courtship. Spiders and bugs have to perform tap dances, while tigers have to keep growling, and peacocks have to expose their beneaths. Dogs dont need to masturbate every now and then like me either.


2. They are often politically correct

This has been proven by many experts that dogs bark at the right people. Even Abraham Lincoln used to take advice from his own dog who would then respond with a bark. Now rather than saying anything more I'd like to show you rock solid evidence of my hypothesis. The following is the pic I have promptly captured.



The image shows a dog shitting right next to a MNS party flag. Being a true Mumbaikar, this dog shows contempt for Raj Thackeray's views. This itself proves my conjecture.


3. They own the place

Now come on. You know this as well as anyone else. They own the place. They can go anywhere without being asked questions. They can do whatever they want with their stuff. They'll make bed anywhere they want, whether we like it or not. Here again I would present few pics to abet my views.





4. They know very well whom to appreciate

I asked one of the sagacious members of their community to opine on Naomi Campbell, and this is what he had to say to me...

(Go and kiss mothers behind)



5. They never bother people unnecessarily

Face it. We need to learn something from the dogs. I mean have you ever seen a street dog bother you. They just treat us quite passively, and have certain amount of indifference to human affairs. Because they know very well that they are of a little account to us, and so rightfully keep out of our way.
But not us. I mean asking an excreta like Pfr. Potadar (if ever there was worse professor) to teach Math students Java is really too much for any Ruia college student.
Most street dogs always comply and cooperate with humans around them for better living. Here is an example...
The clean surroundings indicate the street dogs appreciate the herculean efforts taken to clean the road.

All these things add up to convey that street dogs are indeed the most acceptable and favourable fauna in our environment. If you think otherwise or that you still remain impervious to my manipulative skills, then you are cordially invited to post your comments.
Thank you.

The King of Political incorrectness

First of all, before posting anything else I would like to make it clear to you all that I am not an Anti-Muslim. But as the matter stands, there was a recruitment held in a Company owned by my family and close relatives, for new employees. And after receiving more than hundred application we shortlisted about 20. But the part that bothered me the most is that my relatives made it a point to make sure they did let any Muslim in the company, no matter what his qualification were. The reason put forward by my Granddad was, 'Its not safe'.

I didn't really feel like arguing over this since I am neither in any position to say anything nor do I have much say in family matters. But after not being able to resist I drew up this topic with my Mama. Whatever he said, I don't totally agree with it. but nevertheless I couldn't help feeling that he had a point. This post is a euphemism of what he told me. To best put his views I have decided to post the following poem.

The poem “The Ducks and the Hens” was originally written by the king of political incorrectness, George Lincoln Rockwell, a commander and fighter-pilot in WWII who was also a master propagandist, in that his message was well-received (even if most disliked his message due to its association with Germany’s WWII-era party). He was assassinated in 1967. His exploits made him the scourge of Jews in the U.S. Rockwell was certainly a controversial figure during his time. After being affiliated with various mainstream political groups, he grew weary of pointing out many of the fundamental problems afflicting the U.S. and many of those involved with them; he noticed that every time he mentioned that Jews were often the leaders of both foreign organizations (such as those that promote America’s Israel-first policy, which is undoubtedly a much greater problem today) and domestic organizations (which often promoted America’s anti-nationalist policies, similar to NAFTA, CAFTA, etc. today), even though such statements were invariably true, Jews often labeled him and others “Nazis” for pointing this out.

The original idea of the poem was associated with sympathy for Adolf Hitler and his Jew extermination department, but as we that history repeats itself, we can apply the gist to all the latest discriminatory crap like West-Middle east, Shia-Sunni, Jews-Palestinians, OBC- Open, Harbhajan-Symonds and all conflicts involving race, religion, culture, and other ways of classifying people, like scousers and blues.

But perhaps the best analogy would be over recent settlement issues like Raj Thackeray's campaign in Mumbai over non-Maharashtrians, and most recently the Amarnath trust controversy in J&K.

(I hope Sandeep and Vini are reading this, cause I know they will enjoy this post, if not me.)





The Fable of Ducks and Hens

Many, many years ago When animals could speak, A wondrous thing the ducks befell; Their tale is quite unique. Down by a pond dwelt all these ducks Ten thousand at the least Their duckish joys were undisturbed By any man or beast. One day down near the entrance gate There was an awful din A hundred hens all out of breath Were begging to come in. "Oh let us in" these poor birds cried "Before we do expire! 'Tis only by the merest inch That we escaped the fire!" Their feathers burned, their combs adroop They were the saddest sight. They'd run a hundred miles or more, All day and then all night. "Come in! Come in!" the ducks all quacked, "For you our hearts do bleed! We'll share our happy lot with you; Just tell us what you need!" And so these poor bedraggled hens Amongst the ducks moved in. "For after all," the ducks declared, "We're sisters 'neath the skin." Before too many months had lapsed, The hens were good as new. They sent for all their rooster friends, And those were welcomed too. To please their hosts, these chickens tried To waddle and to quack. To imitate the duckish ways, They quickly learned the knack. This pleased the flock of ducks because It gratified their pride. But hear my tale and learn how they Got taken for a ride. The ducks, it seemed, spent all their time In fixing up the place, In growing food and building homes And cleaning every space. They asked the hens what they would do To earn their daily bread. "We'll teach and write and entertain And buy and sell," they said. And so these hens began to teach The baby ducks and chicks. They traded food and eggs and things, With many clever tricks. They wrote great books and put on shows Of genius they'd no lack. It wasn't long till chickens owned The Duckville Daily Quack. One day a mother duck who took Her ducklings to the lake, Was flabbergasted when one said, "A swim I will not take!" "Why duckling's always swim" she gasped, "It's what you're built to do! Like bunnies hop, and crickets chirp, And cows most always moo!" "You're nuts!" her son replied, "That stuff is all old hat! It's wrong for birds to swim, besides It's damn cold on my prat!" "Oh fie!" the mother duck exclaimed, "You're talking like a fool!" Up quacked the other ducklings then: "He's right! We learned in school!" "Such talk must stop!" the mother cried, "Those hens can't tell such lies! For sheer ingratitude and nerve, I'm sure this takes the prize!" But she was wrong, for even then The hens did thump the tub Demanding they be let into The Duckville Swimming Club. "But you don't swim!" the ducks exclaimed, "To join, why should you care?" "That's not the point" the hens replied, "To exclude us isn't fair!" The younger ducks, who'd been to school Agreed right there and then: "To keep them out is bigotry! 'Twould just be anti-hen!" Outnumbered by the younger ducks, The old ducks soon did lose. The hens could join the Swimming Club, If they would pay the dues. That night the Duckville Daily Quack Contained this banner spread: "REACTIONARY DUCKS ARE LICKED! DUCKVILLE MOVES AHEAD!" Down at the Duckville Gaity, The young set laughed with glee, At cracks about "old fuddy ducks" In burlesque repartee. Next day the hens were at the Club; A petition they'd sent round They objected to the Swimming Fund With fury and with sound. "You use our dues to fix the pond, To keep it neat and trim And this is wrong" they said, "because You know we do not swim!" "God help us!" exclaimed a wise old duck, "Those chickens have gone mad! We'll take this thing to court, by George! And justice will be had!" But when they went before the judge, Imagine their dismay! A chicken judge decreed that they A heavy fine must pay! "Minorities must have their rights!" The judge declared right then "To use hens' dues to fix the pond Is very anti-hen!" Once more the Duckville Daily Quack Emblazoned 'cross the page: "OLD FUDDY DUCKS REFUSE TO SEE THE GREAT NEW COMING AGE!" In Duckville's church, on Sunday morn The preacher spoke these words: "Discrimination's got to stop! Remember, we're all birds!" The wisest duck in all the town Sat down in black despair "I'll write a book," he thought, "and then This madness I will bare!" "Let swimmers swim, let hoppers hop, Let each go his own way Let none coerce a fellow bird!" Was what he had to say. "'Twas wrong to force the hens to swim, So here's the problem's crux: It's just as bad for hens to try To chickenize our ducks!" "I can't print that" the printer said "'Twill put me in a mess! My shop is mortgaged to the hens The chickens own my press!" This worried duck then tried to warn His friends by speech and pen, But young ducks fresh from school just jeered, "He's a vicious anti-hen!" Now up the stream a little way Was Gooseville, on the lake The hens had come to Gooseville too, But the geese were more awake. When the hens began to spoil the young And Gooseville's laws to flout, The geese rose up in righteous wrath And simply threw them out. Of course you know where they all ran; On Duckville they converged "We've got to take these refugees" Was what the ducks all urged. The Duckville Daily Quack declared: "Those geese will stop at naught! They plan to conquer all the world! Atrocities they've wrought!" "That's right!" the young ducks all agreed, "We'll help our fellow birds! Those geese have plans to conquer us! We've read the Quack's own words!" They let the hens from Gooseville in, The whole bedraggled pack And every hen took up a job On Duckville's Daily Quack. When Duckville's Mayor's term was up, The Quack put up its duck; A vain and stupid duck he was, A veritable cluck! But when he praised the wild young ducks And cursed the evil geese, The Quack declared he was "all-wise" His praise would never cease. The hens chipped in to help this cluck Give grain away for free The old ducks sadly shook their heads, The writing they could see. And sure enough, this stupid duck, He was elected Mayor From this point on, the Duckville ducks, They never had a prayer. The Mayor said, "Gooseville must go! We'll wipe them off the map!" While Duckville slept, the scheming hens For Gooseville set a trap. They called the geese by filthy names; They filled their pond with sticks They helped the weasels catch the geese, And other hennish tricks. The geese got mad and threw some rocks, "IT'S WAR!" the Quack announced: "We ducks must fight those evil geese Till they've been soundly trounced!" The ducks (who knew not of the tricks Indulged in by the Mayor) Were filled with patriotic zeal, And pitched right in for fair. Now when the ducks had whipped the geese The Mayor called "Retreat! Our Henville friends should really take Goosevilles's big main street!" The hens are back in Gooseville now; They starved and beat the geese They prayed for peace but organized The Henville Armed Police. They drained the Gooseville swimming pond; And 'De-goose-ified' the schools, They wrung the neck of Gooseville's Mayor On lately made up rules. They formed a council of the hens, 'United Birds' the name The other birds who joined the thing Did not perceive their game. No sooner had they set this up, Than they announced their plan To seize up Swanville as a home For all their hennish clan. They took a vote amongst the hens, And every one approved! "Swanville was for hens!" they said, "Way back, before we moved." And so they kicked the swans all out With Duckville's help and power And Duckville could not understand Why swans on them turned sour. By this time, Duckville was a mess; The young ducks had gone mad They stole and laughed at truth and law They'd gone completely bad. The hens were selling loco weed In every nasty den But ducks who dared to mention this Were labelled 'anti-hen.' The hens all preached of 'Tolerance'; They invoked the 'Golden Rule' But they subsidized the indigent, The greedy and the fool. At last the very dumbest ducks Began to smell a rat "This Mayor is no good" they cried "And we will soon fix that!" But the hens had planned for even this A candidate they had, Whom even wise old ducks believed Just never could be bad. This hen-tool duck had whipped the geese; A soldier duck was he Although the hens had set him up, The ducks all thought him free. This hen-tool got elected, Through ignorance and greed, Through hennish lies in press and speech And bribes of 'chicken feed.' The hens now kicked the ducks around, Without a blush of shame Until the Mayor ran the town In nothing else but name. They pumped the swimming pond all dry; They taught the ducks to crow While duckish numbers dwindled, The hens began to grow. The hens stirred up the happy crows From out the piney wood To fight and mix and marry ducks In the name of 'Brotherhood.' Things got so bad that fifty ducks Who knew of days gone by, Took up their wives and children And decided that they'd fly. They flew through storm and tempest; They froze, and many died But on they drove, until at last A lovely lake they spied. They settled down exhausted, But soon went straight to work To build and clear and cultivate, No danger did they shirk. Now after many years of toil, This little band had grown The fields around were full of grain From seeds that they had sown. The first ducks now were long since dead; Their struggles long had ceased Through hard work and through suffering Their joys had been increased. One day down near the entrance gate There was an awful din A hundred hens, all out of breath, Were begging to come in. "Oh let us in" these poor birds cried "Before we do expire! 'Tis only by the merest inch That we escaped the fire!"

Eight Pass Charlie

In my opinion, there can be no peace between India and Pakistan unless the Kashmir issue is settled. For either of the countries, giving up hold over Kashmir would mean a colossal political defeat. And neither will be satisfied with shared pieces. To win the territory by force would involve a leviathan toll over human lives as well as economy, which at the moment neither country looks capable of sustaining. Even if in future we manage to actually empower our economy to buoy such a move, it is obvious that superpowers will interfere and pressurize us to bring about an entente. That goes to say that the debate over Kashmir, the militancy and the struggle will go on for decades, unless of course some 'Gorbachev' gets himself at the helm of political machinery of either of the nations, and compromises the pride of his country for sake of a larger picture, destroying his popularity along with it.

For this reason, we Indians can be forgiven for recognizing Pakistanis as our enemies. But one of my favourite generals Julius Caesar had said in his time, 'Respect your enemies, and you will be respected'. For this reason I feel proud to post about my favourite Pakistani war hero. Ironically I learned about him from officers of Indian Air Force. His tale is quite popular among our air force lads. We don't know his real name since it is a secret shared only by the Pakistanis. But here in India everyone refers to him by his codename, 'Eight Pass Charlie'.

During Lal Bahadur Shastri's era, although we celebrated victory after reaching Rawalpindi(then the capital of Pakistan), it may not be told in the books, but is a fact that Pakistanis dominated the air battle. To be better acquainted with air battles, it is well to know that there are three kinds of planes:

Fighter aircraft for air-to-air combat.

Bomber aircraft for air-to-round combat.

Cargo Airplanes for transportation.

Most of the ace pilots work with fighter airplanes. While bomber planes are used along with heavy cover of fighter jets. The bomber planes are heavier than fighter jets and have less maneuverability than fighter jets, along with large wing span, and less speed. This makes them soft targets of anti-aircraft guns. This is one of the reasons that they fly at a great height. In those days when our enemy had to attack our airbases, flying at a great height would reduce the accuracy of bombing to 0%. Hence they had no choice but to fly low.

For that reason, in order to avoid getting blown out of the sky by Indian ground defenses, they generally carried only eight bombs in each flight, which would reduce their weight and increase their speed. Many enemy pilots were dead scared of our anti aircraft defense, and hence probably pissing in their pants, they had to fly over our airbase for once and they would most often drop all eight bombs in a single pass, in a very erratic manner, resulting in a very inconsequential damage for us. After having done, they would return home to fill in another eight bombs.

However, when the 'Eight pass Charlie' would arrive in his bomber plane, it would be without any cover of fighter jets. He would fly close to the ground, and would make eight consecutive passes over our airbase, and drop one bomb in each pass, amid heavy barrage of anti aircraft fire. His aim was accurate and his single flight would inflict the heaviest damage on out troops, more than what the all other planes would collectively do in an entire day. Later on by the end of the war, every officer in Indian ground defense team was able to recognize his familiar engine noise and style of flight. All of them held great admiration for him in their heart for displaying such valour, when attempting to knock him out of air.


He remained unbeaten till the end of the war. Such was his skill and bravery that is quite hard to come buy, even among pilots. While Arun Lal might opine that discretion be the better part of courage, this guy must have definitely thought otherwise. His remarkable courage is what makes him stand out among other Pakistanis. He certainly cannot be called a terrorist for fighting against us.

I believe such a courage should be appreciated by us, despite being enemies. He is probably one of the elements Pakistan can be proud of, if not all the other bloodthirsty jihadis.

Post number 1

This is post number one(as you can see). It feels as if I have begun writing a diary, which I previously used to regard as a girlish habit. But after witnessing the active and overwhelming participation of my friends who are not at all girlish( including girls) in the blogging community, I was seduced into making my own blog. To be honest I am not really your next door a nice guy and women find me very rude, and elders find me very irresponsible and lethargic most of the time among all the other unpleasant attributes.

This is part unfortunately is not reflected in my thoughts, since I happen to think in a very ideal and straight forward way. It also makes me quite ruthless when it comes to others emotions and rudeness follows likewise. Not that I am proud of it. But I don't like to pretend something I am not, and I have absolutely no regrets about my opinions.

Autocracy fits my taste perfectly. And though I am not much of a communist I do believe in the kind of system run by the thinking "Comrade Stalin knows the best". But maintaining your reputation as a spoiled brat and not thinking like one is a really tough job since it involves in doing things you know are unacceptable to you.
But my philosophy suggest in the minimal effort plan... In other words, never send ten people to do one man's job or never score ten goals wen one is enough to win the soccer game. Obviously that makes me careless cause I never portray myself as civilized and sincere person to others unless the situation actually demands that I act like a smart lad(which is quite difficult to judge).

But in this blog I am all my true self, and so gentlemen In case my reputation precedes me, I hope you would not treat my blog as a bilge by some nutcase.
Greetings to all!!