Gaurav's blog

Cats of the cold

2010-04-20T10:14:00.000-07:00

"Tell me something Gaurav, why didn't you wear a tie today?"

The second panelist asked me as soon as I had took a seat for my personal interview at TAPMI (Supposedly reputed MBA College in India). I replied without a flinch,

"In this hot weather sir, I thought it'd make me feel uncomfortable."

The panelist continued, "But you could have put it in your pocket and put in on minutes before the interview began. Don't you think this would have made a better impression?"

I wanted to say something in return but didn't, as I noticed he was wearing a tie and I could make out he was himself quite uncomfortable in it. The second panelist was younger and I realized he was probably an alumni of TAPMI. I wonder if the moron would have been really impressed had he known I was putting on a tie only for the duration of the interview just to show him that I can wear a tie. But later I realized that even he might have done exactly the same thing during his interview at TAPMI years back.

I replied, "I think have dressed decently enough for the interview. If you think the tie would have made a better impression, then I probably made a mistake. But I adjudged that there could be better ways to impress the panelists than wearing a tie." He dropped the topic after that.

And this is the general trend in India for MBA interviews. Apart from the top seven IIMs, almost all other top colleges have made a sham and a corporate styled buffoonery out of the MBA degree. Colleges give more importance to the superficial features of corporate culture. They claim that during the interview they are looking for leaders, visionaries, potential mavericks, innovators, and all the similar adjectives they can find in their garbage-worth collection of self-help books.

Looking practically, each of these college has around 200 seats per year to be filled by candidates. If we consider 10 colleges like that, who can generate 2000 innovators and mavericks every year, the country would be exploding with conglomerates and multidimensional industries. Yet only one of those 2000 actually turns out to be an innovator. The rest all are only a chatterbox of innovation, leadership, and all the spectacular lexicon of explosive description of successful people.

It seems behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind that woman are 200 book writers who write about the man. Behind those writers are 200,000 readers of those shit books who try to imitate him. And finally behind them is an MBA college which boasts about the guy being educated from 'reputed' institute like itself.

Its a pitiful state of Indian education system, where such colleges attract aspirants with all their promising jargon, and bank on their wealth.

This year I screwed up in the common entrance test (known as 'the Cat exam' in popular culture, and happens to be one of the toughest tests in the world) for MBA with only 97 %ile (Yeah this is actually a poor score). I missed out on the top IIM and MDI calls by less than a percentile. And since, I have to attend interviews at the rest of the ones from of the top fifteen colleges to which I have applied to. The level of competitiveness among emerging business professional is so high that it seems murderous even for hard-workers. With exploding population, and developing economy, the race for top paying jobs might perhaps be as much tough as anywhere else in the world, but the bar for skills is being raised higher and higher every year. The aspirants' math skills are good enough to tackle any third degree problem in minutes, and the English skills are such that they speak better than the Englishmen themselves. And despite all these efforts they are still average in the Indian job market.

'To bell the Cat' - A widely used term to describe the cracking of the CAT exam

You need more than that now. You need work experience of 5 years or more, coupled with exemplary extracurricular, and several postgraduate courses. And in the end you could still lose by a margin of a couple of marks.

Looking at my own debacle I serious feel that individuals are not rewarded according to their capabilities or their achievements. Its a country where you either go in a topmost institution, or go in an institution where a stupid tie is given more weight-age than the amount of knowledge.

It reminds me of an old Sanskrit verse by Chanakya (Legendary Indian political genius and an erudite scholar). Chanakya says...

Don't live in a country that doesn't allow you self respect, honour, means of living, ways of education and self development. Quit such a country. It is not fit for living.

Chanakya is correct about the opportunities in developed contry (and I seriously feel with the same amount of hard work, I would have made it in a reputed Business school in a developed country). He is also correct about self respect and honour as many non deserving people in get top jobs by exploiting the Caste based (and totally prejudiced and vote-bank politics related) reservation schemes in educational institutions.

But I disagree with Chanakya on quitting the country.

I had read some time back in the novel 'Dune' by Frank Herbert, a principle, stating that, ' The fiercest warriors are the ones who are born and raised in the most hazardous, difficult, dreadful, and arduous places.'

This is true enough to be practically applicable. The best footballers usually hail from Brazil, where impoverished families struggle in farms to raise money to send one of their several children to a professional football school. Pashtun warriors in Afghanistan fought tanks with obsolete weapons from donkey backs, and put up a stiff ten year resistance to Russians and eventually drove them out. Even among animals, its the cats, who survive in all kinds of climates around the world (even in Siberia) that have the most advanced predatory skills, which even humans envy.

A Brazilian village kid displays his football prowess.

Its the same with India. The nature of competitiveness and breakneck competition between peers develops the personality, knowledge, and resourcefulness of a person to the utmost level. Here, most of the children have only two choices; study or be poor. Its the tough life in India that can make you a better professional in all aspects compared professionals in other nations. It is also one of the reasons why Indian are being accused of stealing jobs away from locals in countries like US. Developed countries give their citizens less incentives to work hard, as they get unemployment grants. There are no unemployment grants in India. If you cant find a job your left to starve by the government. It might be a cold and cruel environment to grow up, but its an environment on which the strong thrive.

To take positives from my CAT performance, I have secured enough to convince my parents to let me take another shot at CAT. Earlier, due to my recent drop in academic performance towards the end of my college, my parents wanted me to quit studying and join the family business which I don't want to get involved in to because I hate a marketing job. The score has restored some some of the faith my parents had in me, and they wont nag me to quit my interests and, at least for a while, and let me focus.

To be honest, I feel somehow that this score could actually do more good than anything else would have. After all, everything happens for the good, if not the best.

Lunch with Raz

2010-03-08T11:31:00.000-08:00

After finishing with my MICAT exam at Jai Hind college at 12.30 pm, I decided I'd have some lunch before heading home as my folks were out and there was no one home to cook for me. I went to Leopold Cafe to grab a quick lunch. As expected, the place was crowded since it was Sunday. As I entered the cafe, a tourist came in along with me. The manager there noticed only one table empty and asked both of us if we could share the table. Usually I don't like to sit with unknown people (especially foreigners) but I didn't object as I was too hungry. The tourist set aside his backpack and pull out a large guide book about India, and started scanning through it, probably to decide on what to order. A moment later he asked me to recommend something. I suggested a tandoor dish. He ordered the same and introduced himself. And what I imagined to be a simple half an hour lunch turned into a two and a half hour discussion.

My meeting with Dr. Gal Raz was as interesting as it was unexpected. I have a certain soft corner for Israelis considering their recent history, and when he told me he was from Israel, I was already glad to have met him. He turned out to be a faculty in Darden school of business at Virginia university. We had a lot to talk about, as I myself am an aspiring candidate for management in finance.

Initially we spoke on India. The first thing he asked me was about my time in Mumbai. I guess he asked me this because he must have heard it from somewhere that Mumbai is a place where most of the Indians hope to migrate to in their life. He was quiet surprised to know that my family have been in Mumbai since the last 400 years (or more perhaps). He asked me the places to visit in Mumbai and had to disappoint him by telling him Mumbai is a totally westernized city and that it isn't much different from any other western place. The next we spoke on tourist locations in India.

But he couldn't keep himself from asking about economy and soon we were discussing the recession and its effects in India. After giving him a glimpse of Indian economy, I asked him a question I should have asked him little earlier.

'I heard it that the work culture in Israel is quite unhealthy'. I realized a spit second later that it was probably the wrong choice of words. He said, 'What do you mean by that?' I told him that I had read in the news that Israeli employees have hardly any respect for the seniors and are very offensive in the meetings and have a little politeness or manners.'

From his face I could make out that I hit the nail right. He accepted that it was true, and said that being from Israel he had faced it before. But then he immediately moved on defensive and spoke non stop for more than half an hour (the pride of his homeland was at stake). He said that Israelis are the least polite when it comes to discussing strategies. An Englishman, if ever had to disagree with his boss, he would start with, "I agree with your point, but there is a small problem of... '. For the same case an employee in Israel would reply to his boss as, 'You're talking bullshit and your gonna screw up the...'. In Israel any employee can walk up to the director and argue with him over any matter, and even use explicit language.

But Dr. Raz said that unlike other countries where people at higher posts are quick to take offense and never excuse juniors for any vituperations, Israelis don't take such comments as a offense and it doesn't hurt their ego in any way when their juniors point. While a severe argument with your boss can get you fired in India, it can get you promoted in Israel. Dr. Gal argued that such a culture actually improves the competitiveness and productivity of a firm when bosses accept criticism and questioning in a constructive manner.

I find it difficult to believe though that seniors don't have any ego problems with their juniors finding out faults and nagging them about it. But if it is true, Israel would be a great place to hire employees from, as people would focus more on productivity and less on office manners.

We then spoke about why Indians have an edge over the rest of Asians for competing for jobs abroad. I said it was one of the advantages of the British rule (one of the very few), that we have focused on education standards better than other Asians. He was quick to agree with me on that citing Israel as another example of the same. Finally after ending the conversation with prospects for entrepreneurship in India, Dr. Gal left for the Gateway of India, and I looked down on my unfinished stake.

It was great knowing Dr. Raz Gal, sharing my views with him. After getting to know more about Israeli work culture from him, he reminded me that we should look forwards for positives in everything and shun away all the negatives of any culture.

Moon Castle

2010-02-16T13:13:00.000-08:00

I have been wondering lately about a science fiction based on a lunar colony based on the present mechanization (i.e. not much advanced technology than what is presently used). Of the innumerable sci-fi themes, the most prominently admired science fiction concepts are those which have a high degree of feasibility (if not completely attainable), for eg: Deception Point by Dan Brown, which despite being a science fiction fantasy, does offer a nearly plausible explanation for the described events (i.e. forging a meteor). Likewise I did some online history-geography research and based on our present savvy and the knowledge about moon. I have drawn out the following salients points which would be a likely or even a sine qua non platform for the lunar sci-fi fantasy.

Problems to be tackled for lunar stay.

Trivial:

1) Breathing and Water : Recent probes on the moon suspect large deposits of water in the shadowed depths of lunar craters (located near the poles). These deposits can be used to generate both oxygen(along with nitrogen imported from earth) and water for consumption. Denaturing oxygen would need more inert materials like nitrogen. However, our body doesn't use up the nitrogen, and its quantity decreases with an extremely low rate compared to that of oxygen. Hence we needn't worry about nitrogen supply.

2) Energy : There are zones on moon which are 'places of eternal light', i.e. there is an incessant and eternally unobstructed incidence of sunlight. A solar cell placed on such a spot would provide a stable stream of energy.

3) Food : Cultivation can take place indoors in controlled environment, with solar energy being ferried to the particular farm with the help of a set of mirrors to reflect light from eternally sunlit places.

The above problem are those which everyone can imagine to be cohesive, although they are the most convenient to address.

However, there are many issues which make such a moon base concept almost impossible, and are quite unimaginable even for colloquial space enthusiasts.

The real problems facing the moon base:

1) Space radiation (Cosmic rays)
On the earth, the harmful cosmic rays (high energy photons) released from the sun and outer space are blocked by the opaque atmosphere and Earth's magnetic field. It generates a secondary wave of radiation whose intensity is further abased due to the ionosphere, and hence we are protected.

However, space radiation is harmful, and once unprotected, one can have his DNA attacked by the radiation resulting in cancerous cells along with other bodily malfunction. The radiation is one of the major problems facing a plan for a crewed mission on Mars. In case of the Apollo mission the astronauts were on the Moon for relatively short time, i.e. days, and we hence not adversely affected by radiation. But a prolonged stay (months or years) is unthinkable due to the harmful effects of radiation.

2) Solar flares and Solar winds
Powerful surges of energy released by the Sun have harmful radiation which can knock the communication systems down and destroy vegetation and life. With the absence of atmosphere on moon, any life is heavily susceptible to solar activity. We should note that Mars has lost its 'air' due to continuous bombardment of its atmosphere by solar winds.

3) Temperatures
During the lunar day, the surface temperature averages 107 °C, and during the lunar night, it averages −153 °C. It would be impossible to have a stable environment under such temperature constraints.

Addressing these issues...

1) The Lunar soil (Regolith) can be melted and fused to form a glass-like material (Lunar bricks) which can provide protection from harmful radiation, although this would give out secondary radiation which could be even more harmful. The effects of the secondary radiation could be then minimized by employing hydrogen rich plastics. To go to the moon and use the regolith to manufacture Lunar bricks can be a feasible plan to counter deep space radiation.

2) Protection against Solar activity can be achieved by having the hub underground (Possibly under the Lunar dust. The Lunar dust can be an effective shield for protection from solar winds, although communication systems may still be susceptible. Moreover outside exploration during a solar flare could be detrimental.

3) There are some areas on Moon like the 'Peary crater' and 'Malapert Mountain' where the temperature conditions are expected to remain very stable, averaging −50 °C (−58 °F).This is comparable to winter conditions in Earth's the Poles of Cold in Siberia and Antarctica. Establishing a Hub with stable temperature here can be possible.

Of more significance to us is the Peary crater.

The crater is located at the north pole of the moon. A large part of the crater remains in eternal darkness (it never receives sunlight), giving partial protection against solar activity.

The crater has an extremely an low temperature and high depth basin where light elements (volatiles), such as carbon, nitrogen, hydrogen and the most crucial of all, water can exist in pressurized state. Such vital resources can be available close by, just a few kilometers away from the Hub settlement.

The rim of the crater has four mountainous parts which are 'peaks of eternal light'. These unnamed "mountains of eternal light" are possible due to the Moon's extremely small axial tilt, which also gives rise to permanent shadow at the bottoms of many polar craters. Hence having a eternally sunlit area is an ideal location for the much needed perpetual solar energy generator, which can power the base.

The image of the Peary crater floor

The unknown Variable

The most uncertain factor of establishing a Lunar colony is the effect of microgravity on Human physiology. Low microgravity is known to result in a depressed immune system. It can also impair the development of the foetus. The exact details of the adverse physiological malfunction due to microgravity are not known. In short run, microgravity can be handled by wearing a heavy suit (with a large mass), that would balance the reduction in gravity. However, a limitation for this is that it doesn't address the effect of microgravity within the body organs, like less buoyancy for blood, less force exerted by heavy organs on the body parts around them. There have never been any long run experiments to investigate the effects of microgravity on human body and hence it is a subject of uncertainty.

Ignoring the microgravity and solar activity to some extent, we can have a strong candidate for an almost feasible astro-fantasy theme. Cheers!

Wish List

2009-10-23T08:32:00.000-07:00

When I was young, there were a lot of things that would amuse me, making them desirable. Being unable to get that one thing, I used to keep a note about it on the back of my mind. After some time and effort I would certainly manage to procure it. But after having devoured it for some time, I would lose all my interest, with my conscience picking me that the thing I coveted wasn't worth all that attention. But that didn't stop me from being desirous of such other things. It would be a continuous cycle, and still is.

But all this while I have realized that I never really liked all those things I did seek desperately, and that it was just a whim to quench my curiosity. And maybe it is like that for everything else. Any act we wish to accomplish is sacred to us only as long as we don't conclude it. After having concluded our goal, we have no further value for that. We never cherish our success, but only enshrine the effort and pluck that goes behind the success. And after that we move on to a new one.

This is the reason why I am looking for such an design for a mark that would keep me occupied and working for the rest of my life. After having concluded it, I'll probably write a book on my efforts for it. Of course finding such a thing would take some time. But while I am at that I also have a wish list about things to do in life, just like those 'optional quests' in any video game for bonus points.

Its not that I care much about such things, but I'd like to have such exploits on my archive. Here is the list of all those....

1) Slap a cop on his face in public: And I am not talking about some low rank peon, but a high ass like a bureaucratic police officer. That's not all. I'd like to slap him and bring about such circumstances on him that he'd have no choice but to ignore my intrepidity, and let me get away with it.

2) Own a rodent Sanctuary: I'd like to build a rodent sanctuary and house all the different species of rodents there. Of all the animals, I am most fond of rodents (and weasel family mammals).

I'd also like to conduct research withing the sanctuary to enable rodents to interact with humans, and influence human lives the way computers do in the contemporary times. One should find a guinea pig or a hamster in every house.

3) Beat someone up with a Nunchaku: The only time I have seen a nunchaku combat is in the movies. This is unacceptable to me, and I want to do it myself.

4) Rescue Gilad Shalit: As much as I am emotional about him, I'd like to be the one to rescue him. In any case, I hope that he is rescued soon and pray for his safety and well being.

5) Throw up a toast of bread and make it fall the butter side up.

6) Catch a snake by it neck: I have already done it once, but that was in Haffkin's research institute, and I was wearing protective gloves at that time. I didn't get to feel the snake's skin. Well next time I want to do it in a jungle. I'd like to wrench a snake off the tree by his throat.

7) Learn Japanese: I know. This one is the most implausible of all my fantasies.

8) To learn punch a hole through a wall with bare fists: I heard it can be done if in case its a single brick layer wall, and if you manage to hit the right spot.

9) To hunt a Russian Tundra wolf: Hunting would be my favorite sport if I ever start with it. But I do want to start hunting one day. And after having hunted, I'd like to fry and eat the meat in a camp in the middle of a snowy forest.

10) Have a collection of my poems published and sold in book stores: Yeah this is again a difficult one. I have written many poems, but most of them are too childish to publish.

Tax Payer

2009-09-30T11:50:00.000-07:00

Squeezed by taxes

In my country, India, majority, i.e. more than 50% of the population is poor. By poor, I don't mean that they face shortage of basic necessities, like the people in Africa but rather, they are poor compared to the standard of living in other countries. Since they enjoy majority, they always elect a government which favors them. The elected government however, rather than actually working towards the emancipation of poor, just creates a hallucination of hope for them, making them believe that the government is their own.

It is easy to befuddle and woo such illiterate men, and polarize their votes, by announcing reservations in jobs and colleges for the poor, making bombastic schemes for employment and declaring subsidies. The truth is, corrupt politicians never let the benefits of such schemes reach the poor.

And truly you can't expect them too. It is impossible to eradicate poverty in the world. Poverty is a part of life, and has existed since the origin of mankind. No government can make everyone rich. I agree that in some nations the poor enjoy many benefits and their standard of living is higher than their counterparts in poorer nations. But their better living standard is actually obtained at the expense of other nations. Moreover, I think the existence of poverty completes the home of mankind, as without poverty people can never enjoy being rich.

But the real victims of such cozening government attitude and cheap election tricks are not the poor but the bourgeoisie like me.

The government generates subsidies and provisions for the poor by taxing the middle and the higher class. And as usual, the upper class elites always have a way of evading taxes. The lower classes of society hardly have to pay any taxes, and no one gives a damn if they fail to pay. But we, the middle class always have to abide by the laws and pay for running the nation.

Although at first sight the population of educated working middle class seems like a modicum compared to the vast poorer section of the country, the truth is the middle class actually runs the country and its economy. There are several medium enterprises which control most of the inland economic setup, and also many middle classed professional form a large part of the industrial and clerical work force in the country. Exports and imports in the country are shaped by medium capital industrialists, and the nation thrives on their success.

Ironically, we are the most heavily taxed. Taxes are paid on every unimaginable details of our incomes and benefits. For small manufactures, taxes are to be paid at every level of the production processes. We pay it duly because of the tough enforcements on us.

And for all this, we get nothing in return and are made to hear that silly quote, 'ask not how your government fucks you up every time, but what you can do for your country'. The jobs are reserved for either the wealthy by their influence, or for the poor by the government, while the qualified middle classed youngsters have to struggle at every stage of their career.

Coincidentally, the middle class is responsible for a major chunk of government revenue. And even if we are discontented with the government, our votes don't matter because we are a minority, despite our best efforts to contribute for the nations wealth. This is one of the reason why democracy doesn't work in India, because a very few people actually know what's good for their nation, and poverty-stricken masses are easily swayed by mesmerizing political games.

One of the most obvious examples of tax injustice by the government is the 'Property assessment tax'. This is a duty charged by the government for living in a metropolitan city. The taxing is such that the one who starts living in the city has to pay duty on the residential area he owns. However, the tax to be paid is according to rates during the year of construction of your house. The earlier settlers and slum dweller have to pay something like Rs.5 every year, while those who have settled recently have to pay around Rs. 80,000 per year. This tax makes it harder for able men to start their own home in the city, and deprives them of a major portion of their income. The conditions of this itself tax are a joke.

As of now I am a tax payer, because of the tough regulations, but I plan to evade taxes in the later part of my career. The fact that I don't want to be a tax payer is because I don't want my hard earned income to go into the hands of some obese rural asshole who will spend it on third grade liquor at weekends. Its not that I don't love my nation. I am prepared to take a bullet to protect my countrymen as I have said in one of my earlier posts. But as far as the government is concerned, it does not protect the interests of people like me, and so I am obliged to protect my interests with a bit of selfishness and be intolerant towards the prejudice.

Pain in the ass

...

The popular Hindi movie brand : Mithun

2009-09-04T08:49:00.000-07:00

For those of you who haven't heard of Mithun Chakraborty, he is a film actor/ action hero who has produced and acted in films meant for those people whose skulls have cobwebs inside. Despite making totally senseless, cheap and embarrassing imagination based films, he is very popular among the rural folk of India. The action scenes in his movies defy all the laws of physics of this planet (as well as any other planet).

He is equivalent to Chuck Norris of Hollywood. Most of his stories are typical. But the reason he remains my favorite actor is, that unlike other top Indian movie makers who use innovative idea and spend millions on new films, this guy just exploits the poor film taste of majority of rural Indian population, and banks in on all their wealth with his inane movies, and earns more than many other prominent film makers. This post offers you an insight into 'his type' of movies, as well as the sorry state of film industry in India due to the nature of brainless viewers.

Mithun may have been a protagonist of 400 films according to you. But after a little research you may notice that each of those flops cost him about 50 lacs (500 thousand) in making, while his sale all over India was about 1 core. That's 50 lac net profit per film. No wonder he didn't stop making any more. But that the way it has been with Indian cinema, when more than half the viewers are from rural terrain. He earns less on one film compared to other big movie makers, but those guys make one film in each year while he makes 20.

Mithun Chakraborty in one of his hits films. From his appearance you can imagine what a film this would be. But considering it was a super hit, just try to imagine what kind of audience India has.

Which goes to say that the films are made for their taste, and not for art, creativity, or for people who bother to read my blog, and even for those who don't. In any case its much easier to satisfy their taste when one follows a certain specific rules, and then any motherfucker can mint gold out of an average Hindi movie. This is how it works :

Rule 1:

There are only three kinds of police officers in India : The commissioner of Mumbai, the Inspector, and the Havildar.

The commissioner of Mumbai is a God of all police force in any part of the country, and is necessarily known as 'Anupam Kher' (type cast actor) in real life, and no being is superior to him. He even looks after the entire defense forces of the country. To be eligible for the post of the commissioner, you need one and only one, very good looking daughter, who must be a virgin, and must have completed education from US.

The inspector is the next rank after the commissioner, and is most often a young man, with one widowed mother(though not necessary). He spearheads and entire operation, right from gathering intelligence, planning, and executing commando ops, fucking the commissioner's daughter, and he has to do that all alone with a single 6mm pistol(which of course as unlimited bullet supply), although except on very rare occasions he may use a Carbon Sub-Machine gun, which however cannot be issued to him directly by the police, and he must snatch it from an ill trained thug.

The havildar (private) is virtually no one, and is prohibited from using hand guns, and must resort only to sticks. He mostly does the peon work.

Rule 2:

If you don't want your movie to be a total flop, you must feature Jonny Lever (a prominent ut silly comedian overused in many Indian movies) in the film, for cheap comedy scenes. Unless of course its a Govinda film. In that case it will be a total flop nevertheless. (Govinda is a well known actor in Indian cinema industry whose films are very popular among all the convicted prisoners in the country, and they are one of the top entertainment means in prisons)

Rule 3:

Your film must have songs, and those must necessarily be highly embarrassing for viewers to listen and watch. All of them must be sung by Lata Mangeshkar (a stereotyped singer), and other idiots. Dances are compulsory and there must be at least one sequence shot in Canada or New Zealand. Otherwise your movie will be flop. Unless of course if it is a Govinda movie. Then it will be a flop anyway.

Rule 4:

If you sign Govinda for your film, it will be a big flop no matter what you do. But in case you happen to sign Mithun along with Govinda, then you can cheer. Because you will at least earn 50 lacs from Mithun's fan club no matter what you include in your films.

Rule 5:

There is no such thing as sex in a Hindi movie. In any case, if you want to include sex, then you must substitute the sex scene by a stupid song. Sex is reserved only for Hollywood products.

Rule 6:

In Chinese kung fu movies, people jump from the 10th floor of a building to the 1st floor. In Indian movies, people jump for 1st floor to 10th floor.

Rule 7:

There is one and only one way to escape from a prison cell. Start a fight with your cell mate. The cop will open the cell door and come inside. After that, Bingo! You overpower him with one smack. Get out of the cell and over power all the other guards, since they are all Havildars. Havildars are very easy to overpower. They are just cosmetic cops. Then you steal a prison vehicle and flee.

Rule 8:

There must be a rescue sequence in the film, where the protagonist rescues the heroine. You see, without a rescue sequence there can be no love between the two, and it would be a flop film to begin with. But indeed, if it is a Mithun film, you needn't worry about love, as the girls will already be in love with you even before the movie begins.

Rule 9.

Cops always arrive in the end, after the protagonist has silenced all criminals. But in case you forget that and cops arrive in time, they must inevitably die at the hands of bad guys. Don't worry though, since cops most are Havildars, and hence very easy to kill.

That's about all I think. As for the rest of the matter in the film, you can put fill any crap. If you film follows these rules it will be a hit for sure. However, if you substitute any or all of these rules for Mithun Chakraborty in your film, it will be a super hit. And that is irrelevant of the role Mithun plays in the film. He can be anyone, the protagonist, side hero, side kick or he may prefer playing the father of the heroine, or even the heroine herself.

Chinglish

2009-08-25T02:03:00.000-07:00

I am a big enthusiast of foreign languages and I wish to learn and get fluent with as many popular languages as I can. So far I have only learned beginner level German and Spanish. Since being involved in the process of learning new languages for two years, I have realized the most common mistake people do when they learn languages. They try to learn all the new language by translating it, word by word, into their own native language. This is exactly the worst thing you could do to learn any language.

The reason is, all languages follow totally different rules for conjugations and have many concepts for which there is no direct or parallel analogy to any concept in your native tongue. For example, in English, the verb endings change only according to the tense and are independent of the gender of the subject. In my language, Marathi, the verb endings depend on both tense as well as gender. An Englishman, if ever endeavors to learn my language, will probably go nuts in trying to grasp all the verb endings, since there is no direct translation for it in English. (Among all languages, English has the most oversimplified rules for conjugations, which makes it very easy to learn compared to other languages)

The best way to learn any language is to start from scratch, just like you learned your own language in childhood. From actions and cues you try to grasp the meaning of words. Direct translation can have horrible effects, as often seen with Chinglish.

Chinglish is a word for "Chinese English". The Chinese language is a pictorial language. It has a different base. I have seen small English words which, when translated into Chinese become longer than a sentence, while sometimes a long sentence in English may have be relatively two or three characters long in Chinese translation. Obviously, as a Chinese guy if it try to translate all my sentences in English, word by word, it'd actually change the whole meaning.

And we altogether get a new language, 'Chinglish' which makes sense only for the Chinese. Chinglish is being employed by Chinese government and is ubiquitous now in all major cities. You can see all the signs and notices addressing you in Chinglish. Seriously, the Chinese really need a break. I mean these guys cant even hire some decent (or even average English speaking guy) to get all their language problems solved. They probably don't know how to use the internet.

Check out some of the funniest instances of Chinglish below.

Selling Butter

Okay! Maybe it is possible that the company isn't selling butter after all. But I think, what they actually mean to convey is, that their butter has such a delightful taste that, it is too good to be butter at all. Understandable, it is a typical advertisement cliche.

But then again, it appears to me, as a normal buyer, that they are trying to sell their product to people who are desperate for not buying butter. Obviously if I wanted to buy anything except butter, this product might be a good option for me. However, they again mention, 'unbelievable' on the package. It means we would find it difficult to believe that it is not butter. Then what the fuck is the point of buying it. Technically, as the product only says that it isn't butter, it can be anything, even marijuana. So we don't even know what we are buying in the first place. Plainly, only retards would buy such a product. Or maybe perhaps its a new marketing maneuver, where you're selling a random product by trying not to sell a specific product. Innovative idea. It must be an IBM product.

Frustration

It's very subtle to comprehend, but I guess they mean, "Check the fixed price of goods". However, I have no idea where 'fuck' came in from. Maybe, its someone's idea of expressing frustration and disgust at the fixed price of goods, as it enjoins any kind of cost bargaining. I suppose in China, the customers are entitled to put up their own sign boards in shops.

Blow up

For this one I just cannot imagine what they actually mean. Or it must probably be a secret message of some kind. Either way it doesnt make sense. I mean, what the hell are those toys doing in a shop like that?

Dont touch yourself

I fail to understand whom this sign addresses. Definitely not pedestrians. Who would want to help the pedestrians touch themselves. Also I hope that, the 'us' in the sign refers to group of young ladies. Otherwise the sign wouldn't be worthwhile. The Chinese certainly have interesting volunteers for interesting activities. The 'try out' makes me further suspicious about what they are referring. But I am sure it must be something fun.

Electric shock

That's a fine example of reverse psychology. If you try telling a stupid troublemaker not to do something, he would exactly do the opposite, just to annoy you. As a matter of fact a sign saying "Beware of an electric shock here", would get such a person killed de facto. Hence, they have put up this sign to make sure no one gets killed. Practical thinking.

Strange juice

Perhaps, they earlier called the juice, 'poison' or 'snake venom'. But that must have scared away all the customers. So they probably decided to upgrade the name.

Drowning

I think they must have tried to say "Be careful or you may drown". Now however, it sounds as if they have tried to put that sign for those who come to that river (or whatever) to kill themselves or try to drown their companions. Indeed, if you try to drown yourself and others by making too much fuss, you may mess up your killing attempt as it would unnecessary draw public attention. Hence, they tell you to do it carefully, i.e. doing it quietly when no one is looking.

Lift

I cant comprehend what they are actually trying to say. Or maybe they have put it the right way. I mean it could be a legitimate warning. One shouldnt use the lift if it catches fire. Although if you're in the lift when it catches fire, you'd be dead in no time. If you are not in the lift when it catches fire, I dont think you would be able to use it anymore. It is kind of obvious. But after all, many people lack common sense (especially the Chinese) and it'd helpful if they have given you basic instructions to save your ass.

Balls

'No kicking of balls'. This is the key principle of Shaolin martial arts. The 'Groin kick' is an illegal move in Shaolin combat. It is also illegal in almost all types of martial arts, except Krav Maga. The Chinese do well to remind us their humble traditions.

And this one is way over my head

The Chinese need some serious re-orientation on learning English.

The second Earth: Gliese 581 D

2009-08-09T07:59:00.000-07:00

The planet is clearly getting small for us. With global warming and all the stuff on high lately, and the population snowballing every instant, the world has become a small place. It’d have been much fun to live in medieval ages, when travels and journeys across the globe took sensible and rational amount time and not a day or two. In earlier times, some people took delight in exploring new worlds and were they were known as explorers and adventurers. Now there is nothing left to explore. In other words, for people like them, the world has ended. So we just have to make our world bigger.

We can leave the earth and move on. But where do we go?

Terrestrial planets

It is my sincere belief that one day we will go on to live on other planets as well. Planets which support life, just as shown in Star trek. However, there are many limitations. Theoretically, life can exist anywhere, since life worms develop according to the atmosphere they are in, and learn to sustain in any habitat. However, it doesn’t mean human can do that. We canonically belong to earth and hence we can survive only in earth like environment. The closest any planet comes to have an earth like environment is Mars, where there isnt a drop of water. All the other planets are either gas giants, with no place to set your foot on, or they have ridiculous surface temperatures. In fact no planet in our solar system is habitable (except perhaps Mars, where it is possible to live in a Hub settlement).

For a planet to be habitable, it must satisfy certain criteria, i.e. it must lie with a habitable zone. Habitable zone is the relative location of a planet from and suitable energy source like a star, which would be ideal for habitation, and would be capable of supporting life( i.e. capable of providing water, rocky surface, atmosphere of suitable density, gravity, planetary rotation, and most importantly a star to provide the planet with energy). It is not to be confused to be planetary habitability, a term which refers to the intrinsic factors necessary to support a civilization.

If a planet lies within the habitable zone, it doesn’t mean that it would be like our earth. Rather, there would be a sound probability of that planet being able to support human settlement. It’s still a hypothetical assessment so far, but we have actually discovered two candidates for our next earths. Gliese 581 C and Gliese 581 D Both of these planets lie in the Libra constellation in the system of Gliese 581 star, which is a red dwarf.

Gliese 581 system lies 20 light years away from us. The planets Gliese 581 C and D both were initially thought to be under habitable zone. However, recently scientists have argued that 581 C would be just outside the habitable zone due to its proximity to the red dwarf. Gliese 581 D however, clearly is a habitable planet.

581 d is super-earth planet (planets with mass more than that of the earth, but less than 10 times that value) with mass nearly 8 times that of Earth. In late April 2009 new observations by the original discovery team concluded that the planet is within the habitable zone where liquid water, and therefore, life, could exist.

Earlier, scientist thought that the planet was too cold to support life. However, the same would be the case with earth, if it were not for the green house effect which contributes significantly to maintaining the proper temperature for us. Similarly, taking in account the speculated green house effect of 581 D’s atmosphere, it would support life.

Wikipedia - According to Stephan Udry, "581 d could be covered by a 'large and deep ocean'; it is the first serious Ocean planet candidate." Gliese 581 d is probably too massive to be made only of rocky material, but we can speculate that it is an icy planet that has migrated closer to the star.

Artist's impression of Gliese 581 D, the new earth

So maybe someday people would be blogging from 581 d, soon after we settle there (assuming that the planet isn’t already occupied by 'other worldly' people). Let us suppose that we start right now for that planet right now. (Helios is actually the fastest man-made space object at 70.2 km/s or 252,792 km/h.) This means at 20 light years it would take about 85,350 years to get there. Doesn’t sound realistic.Nevertheless I believe space travel will improve exponentially with time.

It’s still early to predict. But if you were to ask me if we humans would go to live in Libra constellation someday, I’d be willing to take my chances and place a bet. Remember, no matter how stupid it sounds, we eventually will have to ditch the Earth someday, when our sun will grow up to be a red giant, and burn us out if we stay. In fact, the increase in solar temperatures (10% after every billion years aprox.) is such that in about a billion years, the surface of the Earth will become too hot for liquid water to exist, ending all terrestrial life. Of course till then, perhaps even Gliese 581 D may not exist, but we still would have to leave this world if we want to live.

Here are some few comments from the public to the news article few years back when they first announced the discovery of the second earth.

“Yeah, but gravity is gonna be a bitch once you get there.... Don't take any women because they'll complain about the 50% increase in weight.”

“…gonna suck when we find out it blew up 19 years ago”

The ravages of time

2009-07-24T06:33:00.000-07:00

Few years back I tried to read Sun Tzu's 'Art of war'. I lost interest soon after few pages then and didn't bother to finish it. The book was dry then. It was as if I was running through an
instruction manual for a person who has bought a large army on Sunday evening sale and is planning to go at war next morning. I suppose when translated to English all the idioms and one liners (which may sound like a good composition in Chinese) lose their substance. I found the book quite hopeless. Since two years, my opinion remained unscathed and unaltered... until last weekend.

After looking for some new novel to read I was browsing the blogging community for satisfactory recommendations on which book to read. As ever, my favorite genre has been history. I was searching for history and literature when accidentally I stumbled across a blog owned by some American Manga enthusiast. He was encouraging Chinese history aficionados to read a certain Manga(comics) online. I decided to take a peek at the particular Manga. Although Naruto is my favorite, I wasn't exactly in a mood to pick a Manga for reading as a substitute for a history novel.

But nevertheless I went to the link out of curiosity. After reading the first chapter, I went one to read all the volumes in one week. It wasn't just some stupid manga, but rather a historical epic based on chinese history, and most importantly Sun Tzu's Art of War and its practical approach utilized by ancient chinese warlords in crafting havoc. I know all about people's perspective about Mangas. Most of them are based on fantasies and science fiction. However, unlike the traditional Manga this particular one was worth an year of history lessons in school.

The Ravages of time

The story is a spin off based on the events during the Three Kingdoms period in ancient China, when the Han dynasty was at the stage of culmination, narrowly clinging on to power. Three
kingdoms(Wei, Shu and Wu) distinctly surfaced to dominion out of the chaos of civil war which batterd the land. The story describes all the major battles during the times. Battles fought with
unparalleled deception and trickery rather than sheer strength, enriched with stratagem of superhuman subtlety. In those times, most of the successful generals followed Sun Tzu teachings on war tactics, which could all be summed up into a one liner... 'Let your enemies know your next move'.

The manga depicts all the prominent characters in history, like Dong Zhao, who appears in the story as a power hungry tyrant at the helm of the declining Han Dynasty; Lu Bu, the bloodthirsty warrior whose fame is analogous to the Greek Achilles; Lui Bei, a common thief who becomes a governor, and of course, Cao Cao who ultimately puts a full stop to Han Dynasty. The yellow scarf rebellion and Gaundong army's advance are wonderfully depicted in pictures. Even the burning of Luoyang (the Chinese capital) is employed by the author to shape the events in style.

However, rather than a straightforward storyline, the tale describes the events from the perspective of the primary protagonist, Sima Li, the head of the Sima clan and one of the key
players in the three kingdoms period (who eventually established his rule over the kingdom of Wei), and Liaoyuan Hou (a military general) who is portrayed in the Manga as a leader of an
assassination team working for the Sima clan.

Sima Li is an ultimate tactician and businessman who, through the means of Hou and his team of assassins, deliberately interferes in the plans of both Han dynasty and Guandong army by masterminding assassinations, setting up prisoner escapes, and surprise attacks to bring about a deus ex machina in major battles which ultimately serves the purpose of the Sima family's business in trading commodities across the country. By his machinations, Sima clan accrues vast fortunes.

Sima Li and Liaoyuan Hou

The story begins with an artistic scheme for the assassination of Xu Lin (Han dynasty's chief military adviser) to cut the advances of Dong Zhao's expansionist policy. The assassination itself is accomplished at the hands of Huo and his assassins. It sets the entire story in motion and war follows. Throughout the series, Sima Yi and Liaoyuan Huo along with his assassins are frequently the catalyst of the historical events presented in the story. They are involved in the downfall of Dong Zhuo, Cao Cao's rise to power, Battle of Xu Zhou, Battle of Puyang, etc. Their involvement it a common thread which runs through the narrative.

Liaoyuan Huo and his party of assassins

Although the primary subject is war, the story focuses on minor intelligence plots and assassination strategies. It describes all those subtle details and little events which bear a major impact on the outcome of battles. Sun Tzu's art of war is throughly applied in the manga in major battles with each verse being employed in some or the other chapter and explained accordingly. Its a must read for war history enthusiasts.

To fight and conquer in all your battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting.

Sun-Tzu

2009-06-21T08:40:00.001-07:00

I pick up this list on someone's blog and I had to underline the things among these which I have done. So here is my list(only the underlined part)

1. Smoked before
2. Drunk alcohol before
3 Slept with someone the opposite sex.
4.Slept with someone the same sex.
5. Gotten into any fights with siblings
8. Kissed someone of the opposite sex
9. – underlines being a dick so i skip this question
10. Bought porn
11. Take drugs before medicine
12. Hate going to the doctor’s (nah, they make me better )
13. Lied to your parents
14. Lied to a friend back then
15. Snuck out of the house
16. Done something illegal.
17. Cut yourself
18. Hurt someone
19. Wished someone to die
20. Seen someone die
21. skippp
22. Stayed up all night
23. Eaten a carton of ice cream
24. Been to a therapist
25. Been to a rehab
26. Dyed your hair
27. Received a ticket
28. Been in a wreck
29. Been to a club
30. Been to a bar for the sake of gambling and drinking some stuff
31. Been to a wild party
32. Seen the Mardi Gras (whats that?)
33. Had a fight
34. Had a spring break
35. Sniffed anything
36. Wore black nail polish
37. Wore wristbands
38. Wore black eyeliner
40. Did not own a 50 cent cd
41. Hugged someone of the opposite sex
42. Hugged someone of the same sex
44. Gone out with someone of the opposite sex
45. Stole Something
46. Been too drunk to remember anything.
47. Blacked out
48. Fainted
49. Had a crush on your neighbour
51. Snuck into someone elses room.
52. Had a crush on someone of the same sex
53. Had gone and watched movies with friends
55. Been called a slut
56. Called someone a slut
57. Installed speakers in your car
58. Broke a mirror
61. Consider Mac, Dre, e40 or Mistah Fab your favorite rapper
62. Seen an R rated movie in theaters
63. Gone out with friends to the mall
64. Skipped school
65. Had an eating disorder
66. Had hurt yourself before
67. Gone to court
68. Walked out of a restaurant without paying
69. Caught something on fire
70. Lied about your age
71. Owned an apartment
72. Cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend
73. Cheated with someone
74. Got in trouble with the police
75. Talked to a stranger
76. Hugged a stranger
77. Kissed a stranger
78. Rode in the car with a stranger
80. Been verbally harassed
81. Met face to face with someone you met online
82. Stayed online for 12 hours
83. Talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
84. Watched TV for 12 hours straight
85. Been to a fair?
86. Been called a bad influence
87. Cursed
88. Prank called someone
89. Laid in bad with someone of the opposite sex.
90. Cheated on a test
91. Cheated on homework
92. Held hands with someone of the opposite sex
93. Wanted to be dead before
94. Cut yourself before
95. Hate yourself sometimes
96. Had a crush on someone 10 years older than you
97. *NOT VALID* (?)
98. Worn eyeliner
99. Skinny dipped
100. Laughed at someone who was seriously hurt

Prerogative... not fundamental

2009-05-30T10:56:00.000-07:00

An incredible thing happened today. Somehow it is connected to a larger subject shared by many of my fellow city residents. I am talking about the impudence of the auto rickshaw drivers of Mumbai city. The auto rickshaw drivers have made it a habit to 'pick' the fare as per their own convenience, i.e. whether going to that location would fetch them enough dough or not. Whenever there is an outstation train arriving, the auto-drivers will never let nearby passengers into their vehicle as they plan to target long distance fares for big bucks. Despite the fact that it is illegal to decline any person from hiring an auto for a ride, they still shamelessly refuse and brazenly break the law.

But more importantly, people let them defy the laws because most of the people are tolerant of such insolent attitude of the auto drivers. City residents, despite their vexation, just ignore this practice (like they do with many other anti-social activities).

So this is what happens...

I injured my right foot in Martial arts training. After emerging from a half an hour journey in the jam packed compartment of local train, I managed to limp my way to towards the auto rickshaw stand. I was really not up to walking all the way home (as I usually do). I tried to hire a Auto-rickshaw at rush hour. The results were obvious. The drivers declined. After some time I made up my mind and got into a vacant rickshaw and told him to take me home. They driver refused and asked me to get down.

I had no appetite for further tribulations on my foot, and I made up my mind to argue with this guy (argue over my fundamental right of an auto-fare) till I possible could. Maybe, I thought I could get lucky and this guy would agree to take me home after being irritated. To be honest, I am not much of guy to get into wordy fights, and I don't have the necessary skills need to argue in a high pitched voice.

But the auto driver was adamant, and in no mood to co operate. Just then a guy emerged from the crowd. From his face I could speculate that he had some fight at the office, and was not in the right frame of mind... not to mention the local train travel had already taken its toll on his calm. He looked as if he was seriously pissed. (Let us called him Mr. Joe) He too, like me, asked a couple of auto-drivers if they'd drop him home, and after being declined each time, noticed me arguing with my auto-driver. He soon realized what the apple of discord was. The next moment Mr. Joe is besides me in the auto-rickshaw. And he says to me, "Now look kid... this guy is gonna drop you at your place first and then take me home. Just watch."

The auto-driver had too much of an argument. He cut off his engine and folded his arms and replied in a defiant voice, "I ain't going anywhere". And then...

Mr. Joe got down the vehicle, and grabed the driver's collar with his left hand. At the same time he reached the ignition with his right arm and pulls of the auto-rickshaw keys. He then asked the driver for his license. The driver already at his limits, broadened his chest to counter Mr. Joe, and said, "Kya dadagiri hai?" (trying to bully me?)

And then Mr. Joe began. He uttered the worst kind of expletives from all corners of the country. And his voice articulation was just amazing, as if he was possessed by Hitler's spirit. In a overwhelmingly aggressive attitude, Mr. Joe censured the driver in public, accusing him of fraud, nuisance to public, thievery, torment to the city locals, and several other misdeeds. I expected the auto drivers around us to come to the defense of that driver, but they were too flabbergasted to get involved. The people waiting at the nearby bus stand also joined in the castigation, scaring off any possible reinforcements for the auto-driver. Even a bunch of cops who stood by the stand didnt dare interrupt Mr. Joe, such was his aggressive display of wrath.

The driver now, as if a mouse, started begging Mr. Joe to let him go. He wasn't worried about our destination now. All he cared for was his health. After some more threatening he was forced into the driver's seat by Mr. Joe, and ordered to start the auto. The guy did so unconditionally. I was going home finally.

The people who had joined the fight were delighted with the outcome, even though they had nothing to gain. I was pleased with myself for having ignited the whole thing.

I later thought about the whole thing and came to a conclusion. We cannot enjoy many of our basic rights, not because of culprits like that auto driver, but because either we are ignorant of their wrong doings or we dont have what it takes to claim our rights. To put it in better words, we citizen have fundamental rights, but on paper. Practically, only those who are up to the task of fighting for their own welfare are the ones who enjoy their citizenship. Not many people have this ability to be steadfast and stand up for what rightly belongs to them. Hence, these fundamental rights are in a real sense no at all fundamental but prerogative for the immovables (like Mr.Joe) who have the courage to face the culprits.

Now I have made up my mind to be ever antipathetic the notoriety of auto-drivers, and I wont be taking any shit from them again. I may not be able to put forth a performance like Mr. Joe did, but I wont stand down.

The best thing I could do about it...

2009-04-26T12:46:00.000-07:00

The Istri-wala (the person who irons clothes) came home today with my 15 ironed clothes, to my utter surprise. I never have 15 clothes to iron in one day (He was looking at me with some kind of disgust). I opened the bag and to my embarrassment noticed how they were fifteen. There were 4 shirts and two pants as usual. But the reason why he had looked at me with disgust was... It also contained four of my underwear, two pair of socks and three boxers.

I realized later that it was me who handed him that bag yesterday. I suppose I must have absentmindedly put those underpants and socks in the bag.

IMAGINE! PAYING A PERSON TO IRON YOUR UNDERWEAR AND SOCKS!!! And the guy did have enough nerve to actually iron them and charge me for that, 2 bucks each.

What was my reaction? I was laughing my ass off for several minutes. I myself couldn't believe how such a miserable dullard I actually was. Though I must admit, I had a good time laughing about it, so it guess it was a good thing.

It reminded me of an old quote from the famous thriller, 'The eagle has landed' by Jack Higgins. The book depicts the story of one of the most satirical characters from Higgins' arsenal... Liam Devlin. Devlin is a Irish national who, by a series of complicated maneuvers faced while working for IRA ends up finally in Adolf Hitler special commando team. When asked by his fellow Germans about his life, he says...

"My life is a big joke... and so, I decided that the best thing I could do about it is laugh."

...

Krav Maga

2009-03-23T16:07:00.000-07:00

After resorting to subterfuge in an attempt to get away from confronting muscles few weeks ago, I realized how weak I actually was. And that enlightened me on how ignorant I had been of many less endearing prospects in my life up till now, despite already knowing a handful I had been attributed with. It pissed me off big time and I still haven't been able to shake off the deep and lengthy hangover of that incident which brought out the coward in me. It was then that I decided to learn self defense. Easier said than done. My days in military school were not devoid of self defense training, and I knew very well that all the popular martial arts demanded a lot of time and dedication to be spend upon to get to the level where you can be confident of confronting most of the muscular obstacles you could possibly face. In fact six years to be precise. I don't have that kind of patience. Despite knowing that I did an online search for martial arts training in my area.

It was then that I learned that Martial arts had undergone a major shift in training since the last five years. Earlier martial arts were taught in specific styles like Judo, Kung fu, Juijutsu, Taekwondo, White Fujian Crane and many more, with each style having its own philosophy and jargon. Half the time in training was spent on something called 'Kanta', which pupils had to master if they wanted to progress to the next belt. 'Kanta' which literally translated means a dance, is a huge waste of time, and a sham on the part of trainers just to stress over the philosophy of that particular style. It is quite useless in real life self defense, and can take a lot of time to learn, even possibly consume more time than the actually training. Not to mention that each style had many perfectly valid but strictly forbidden moves which is a big disadvantage in real life scenarios... For example the infamous groin kick or testicle kick. And then there were stupid theory exams.

However lately, for the great and the good, people have had it with all the kantas nd shitty Japanese lexicon, like using 'Ich, ni, san shri.... yemei' instead of just using the words 'One, two, three... stop', just to sound cool. It the world of modern martial arts now. With pupil only being taught what is important, and movements and techniques borrowed from various styles together and fused together to train youngsters faster with 'kick ass' approach from trainers, it also includes training for all age groups. I was really convinced that I had to get started with it.

And then one of my friend told me of Krav Maga. An Israeli art of self defense, which perhaps in terms of its uses and efficiency is the world most efficient way to learn, practice, develop and implement in realistic scenarios in life. Krav Maga is Hebrew word for 'close combat'. Krav Maga is the official self defense technique for Israeli State police and defense forces, and lately its popularity is rising meteorically in the west. It includes a lot of dirty tricks and several moves which are illegal in other styles, but all of those moves are pertaining to real life scenarios. After reading more about it I just knew from within that there was no way I was gonna miss out on this.

IKMF Logo

And so I joined the Krav Maga coaching this weekend and had my first two training sessions. And here's the story...

Just as I had read, this definitely wasn't a kind of martial arts you could teach kids. The training involved a lot of exercises which have to sole purpose of draining your body of almost all your energy, pushing your stamina to your limits, until you can hardly stand on your feet. This isn't warm up. Its ten times more exertion than that. The exercise lead me to total physical exhaustion, although being a new comer, I was exhausted much earlier than the other members. After being exhausted you begin with the training. Unlike other techniques which make you spend a lot of days, and even months, in practicing and memorizing all the moves before facing actual combat, Krav Maga begins with combat right from day one, with different type of moves being taught while you are being continuously attacked from all sides.

Whats more? You train with your shoes on, since in real life scenarios, no one is going to take off their shoes before having a go at you. most of my training for the past two days revolved around fending off attacks from the offender for quite a while. But the one that got me was to defend yourself from attacks when in dip position (after a while your just cant stand the weight of your body being shifted from elbow to the other at a great speed). It was followed by conditioning exercises, which involves in letting you take the beating on different parts of your body to get the feel of being knocked. They called it 'conditioning your body to attacks'.

In brief, the last two days were very physical for me, and more so as I am not quite a gym follower. All the joint and muscles in my body are paining even as I write this post (aaow). But I feel a lot better from within now. The whole point of going through all the rough physical training is to make sure that you repeat the moves so many times in practice, that all those Krav Maga moves become second nature to you.

The environment there is quiet healthy, and those guys have all the necessary equipment for training. The fellow students of the IKMF(International Krav Maga Federation) are quite healthy looking guys, and quite experienced, considering they joined earlier than me, and probably all of them are elder to me. They are peple from various professions... soft engineers, traders, businessmen, etc.

Thankfully there are no good looking girls at IKMF, which is a big relief for me. Lately, due to my excessive sexual frustration, I have become a total pervert these days and the presence of attractive women would not only have made it harder for me to concentrate but would also have made me unnecessarily self-conscious.

The coach told me that it will take me a while(year or more) to be so proficient in Krav Maga so as to knock any goddamn opponent out for sure. But with two-three months of dedicated training, I can at least assure myself that I would never need to back down if I ever come across some broad chested muscular sonofabitch in my way. But once I feel confident enough to harness the art, I am most certainly going to experiment it.

I am going to provoke some random Bhaiyya (bihari), and then beat him up some day to test my skills. No offense meant for the bhojpuri community, and I have no sympathy for Raj Thackeray either. But the biharis must accept that some members of their community are indeed a nuisance to Mumbai, and deserve some good bit of punishment. They are a glutton for punishment. But the most important reason for my choice of biharis as my first guinea pig for trying out Krav Maga is that, one can safely assume that Bhaiyyas cant know any kind of self defense techniques or martial arts to counter me.

Coconuts

2009-02-27T19:34:00.001-08:00

We know that some superhero movies based on comics suck like anything. I mean If you have watched The Hulk and Superman, you would know what crap I am talking. Nevertheless, compared to superhero films from Indian cinema , they seem to be quite something. It not that they aren’t a sample of poor imagination, but just that their Indian counterparts are worst in terms of creativity.

Almost 99% of the stunts and the concept in Indian film are copies. For example, Krishh, India’s first modern day superhero film, and a super-hit one as well. The concept is copied from Ben Affleck's Paycheck, and they have given the protagonist some superpowers to combat his opponents, to turn it into a superhero movie. And of course they have added the regular ‘masala’ or spice, which a common term for hindi movie contents like songs (where people dance to convey how stupid they are), along with a love story (without which the film won’t attract any viewers, though I don’t know why the viewers in India are so shy so as to cull sex scenes, if they a make much ado about love stories).

The only genuine part of Krishh was the way in which the Superhero does his super-stuff. This guy doesn’t cast webs like Spiderman or fly straightway like Superman. He rides an invisible bicycle in air, or perhaps he can fly, but he thinks, he looks cool by pretending to ride an invisible bicycle while flying. Such a piece of shit was a box office hit in India. In other words, you get the idea that a man can sell any junk in this country.

To show you the limits of such bullshit, I’ll write this post, to tell you about a famous comic series sold in north Indian markets which a stumbled upon this week.

The comic series is called ‘Nagraj’. Nagraj is a name for our superhero. The name Nagraj, Literally translated into English is ‘Snake-king’ (Sanskrit: Naag – Snake, Raj – reign). This is India most popular comic series. I must admit, the author of this series has some balls. This is the worst kind of imagination and lack of creativity I have witnessed.

Here is the trivia: (All the information given below is obtained from ‘Nagraj’ website)

According to legends his other powers evolved when he was treated with ashes of a dead ichchhadhaari(wish holding*) snake. In hindu mythology, Icchadari snake is a person who after 1000 years of living in a cursed state in form of some rock, is released back into the world. In reality the fact was that Nagraj was much more poisonous than any species of snakes because his venom was celestial.

My comments:

This part is understandable. every superhero needs some kind of story for his supernatural origin. Over here the author has written the story based on hindu mythology, an obvious choice for reasoning for sake of harnessing the super powers. I mean, when you mention the word celestial, no scientific explanation is needed, which relieves you the trouble of explaining all the chemistry, physics and radioactive mumbo jumbo. You get straight to the business, i.e. fighting criminals.

Nagraj has a number of powers like superhuman strength, poisonous breath (vish-foonkaar) and bite, instant healing powers and of course, snakes who come out of his wrists separately or make interesting shapes like ropes, parachutes and many other depending on his imagination. (Note : poisonous breath is enemy specific, i.e. it only hurts his opponents)

My comments:

Superhuman strength is the foundation of a superhero, most of the superheroes have it.

The next is the ‘enemy specific poisonous breath’. Obviously, one can find it difficult to comprehend that, when you exhale poisonous air out of your nostrils, how can it be enemy specific at all. But such doubts are answered when they mention that his power are celestial, i.e. no scientific explanation is needed for those who believe in god. For those who don’t believe in God, please read the bible for clarification.

Poisonous bite follows from his name itself, ‘Snake-king’. I mean, there’s no point calling a person 'snake-king' if his bite isn’t poisonous.

Snakes who come out of his hand and make ‘interesting’ shapes like ropes (as if they aren’t shaped like ropes already, gimme a break) and parachutes . Snakes forming a parachute(what bullshit?) – yeah I know exactly what you are thinking. How annoyingly interesting can you get!

He is a superhero blessed with the powers of snakes. Millions of snakes reside inside his body, in micro-form. Weapons do no harm him as his micro-snakes instantly heal the wounds.

My comments:

Snakes residing inside his body in micro form. This is no surprise. I am sure there must be millions of body cells in a normal human body which look like microscopic snakes, for example, the sperms. Yeah, to have sperms which can heal your wounds, now that something.

Over the years Nagraj became powerful enough not only to pick up falling cars singlehandedly but also achieved feats like throwing things in outer space quite effortlessly.

My comments:

Throwing things in outer space quite effortlessly (here ‘things’ necessarily imply everything) –

I really can’t think of any comments. I mean the author has taken all precautions to make sure that no superhero from any other comic (Indian or Foreign) edition can ever weigh up to this guy.

And what the hell is a falling car? I have never seen one.

It is notable, and perhaps ironic, that Nagraj has now been transformed into a mythical-magical creature facing fantastical creatures as his enemies, with elements of sorcery/magic and even time and space travel.

My comments :

Oh yes it is ironic. And not just this part. In case the author didn’t notice, the whole thing sounds ironic to me, right from the beginning of his nutcase storyline based on hindu mythology.

6. Powerful snake friends live inside his body, who also posses superpowers.

Saudangi : Friend-lives in his body

Sheetnag kumar : Friend-lives in his body

Naagu : Friend-lives in his body

My comments:

Living inside his body is okay(remember he is a celestial being). Why the hell does he need powerful friends anyway when he can easily toss things out in space.

The whole point in creating this comic is, to make sure that in every hypothetical situation, wherein criminals do their evil activity, Nagraj must always have some or the other superpower to combat them in not more than three pages in a single comic issue. That way you can include lot of different criminals and variety of plots in a single issue of 30-40 pages.

My word to the author : I congratulate you on successfully exploiting and harnessing the poor IQ of Indian population. Making money effortlessly is definitely more appetizing prospect, than throwing things effortlessly into outer space.

My word to the readers and fans of Nagraj: Fuck you idiots, and fuck your intellect. Can’t believe you fall for such pigeon excreta like ‘Nagraj’.

Countryside macadam

2009-01-16T21:37:00.000-08:00

I never believed in teaching profession. In my opinion, a person who wholeheartedly yearns to learn or study will eventually* do so without any coaching (by getting into books). And for a person who isn't interested in learning anything at all, he should promptly castrate himself. Those who aren't interested in learning the things being taught by a teacher, and have some better things in mind, shouldn't even bother to listen no matter how good the teacher is. So no one really needs teacher no matter how proficient he or she is. Personally I never needed a teacher so far, but teachers were thrust upon me as I had to attend some or the other college and study something.

And despite my above mentioned sentiments, I am into the profession of teaching... obviously not by choice. I had a very limited options after graduation in Mathematics, and as long as I don't obtain necessary academic credentials, I would have to wait for the job of my preference. And so I became an interim teacher of maths, and will continue to be one, at least for a couple of months. My first assignment was to conduct lectures in an Engineering college in Shirpur for about a month. Shirpur, a small town located well out of urban limits, is the place where I held my first (and hopefully my last) course, among students from interiors of Indian plateau. And these people have a very different upbringing and culture compared to the spoiled brats of the city like me.

All the time during the journey I couldn't help feeling pissed. The impression I had was that in my life's first professional lecture itself, I'll will be pitted against 200 wild stalwarts all straining their necks to make a mockery of me in class, crack jokes at me, pass comments behind my back, jeer, and walk out of my lecture. The way along the journey, I couldn't ignore the butterflies in the stomach, knowing that this countryside student crowd usually does the above mentioned things in any rookie lecture. Again there was that old cliche I had heard from my own teachers that the first professional lecture really squeezes one's nerves out and that its natural to have a fucked-up first impression. Also, I was influenced by the old proverb, 'life is not a bed of roses'. What the fuck was I going to do?

The arrival in Shirpur was smooth. The village itself was a blend between contemporary housing style and modern concrete settlements. There wasn't even a germane restaurant or any place serving apposite food to city based visitors. But the hotel accomodations were really luxurious. Travelling arragement from hotel to college were fluid. The college staff itself was very congenial. And all commodities very chicken feed cheap. But for me, all the granduer was overshadowed by the nerves.

On the first day, there were a very few students, and hence my scheduled lecture was postponed till the next day, which was relief. But I knew I wouldn't be able to keep on running away and that some or the other time I had to face the students. My days in military school taught a very helpful tact. If you want to learn swimming, the best way to do so is to jump in the water right away, and get the fear out of you. And the same applies to everything else. And so, despite feeling apprehensive I asked my seniors not to bother introducing me to the class as I wanted to do that honour myself( ...there is nothing honourable in my introduction).

And then came the day when I had to conduct the lecture. As I made my towards the podium, I could feel pupils staring at me with a who-the-fuck-is-this-oaf kind of look on their face. One of my senior colleagues was sitting amongst the students too just to make sure I'd be able to handle the class. I suspect he wanted to check out, whether I was really able to conduct a proper lecture. And then it began... O horror!

I was surprised at the pitch of my own voice. To my delight I spoke loudly and clearly, without stammering. I sounded confident to myself. I kept my introduction short... just two sentences (I never like to boast about myself) and started with the topic. And after a while I noticed that the students were actually listening and not dozing off. This was a positive sign again. As the time wore on, I became more and more confident and started taking occasional detours in the lecture reminding myself that I shouldn't be carried away. The fact that I knew everything about my topic in and out, provided me with the necessary anchorage to conduct the lecture without making any kind of mathematical blunders. After a couple of minutes my senior colleague realized that I wouldn't be needing any help now, and he left. I myself felt, it had been very silly of me to have feared this moment, as there was really nothing to be apprehensive about. A few students even asked question, which was again nice, as they actually bothered to think over the things I was barking out. I finished the lecture without having encountered too much disturbance.

I was happy with my first lecture (as I didn't screw up nearly as bad as I first anticipated myself to do). Whether the students actually enjoyed my lecture or not, I have no idea (and honestly I don't care). I didn't make a fool of myself and that was all that mattered to me at that moment. In my opinion it was more like sharing my knowledge with them, and less like coaching.

With the anxiety extinguished in my very first lecture, I couldn't help enjoying my sojourn in Shirpur. The food and travel was free and unlimited, and although there was nothing much to enjoy in the village it was still like vacation and relaxing all the time. As days passed by, I realized that my lectures were getting increasingly boring (I could make out from the students' contours) but I didn't really care as long as I got the content right. As Aristotle had quoted, 'a good teacher is a person who tells the truth to his students, irrespective of his engagement skills'. Personally I would never have attended my own lectures, as I have seen my lecture videos. I know that my lectures are truly boring, very prosaic and totally unimpressive. As it is many people just hate maths, although I don't understand why.

But it was the time outside the college classroom, that I enjoyed the most. As the students were of my age group and in fact from the same batch, we got along well. I myself felt very awkward that they were addressing me as 'Sir' all the time. I played volleyball with them on few occasion ( they had to tolerate me, as I could never hit the ball right). I made a very good friends out of a couple of students there. I spent evenings at their hostel rooms along with my senior colleague, often watching movies and shows on their computers amongst other things like gym. Being an ardent birdwatching aficionado, I took a huge delight in spotting exotic Indian birds (like the Oriental Magpie Robin) which were aplenty in the college vicinity. Even the weather was quite pleasant and much soothing compared to city atmosphere. And I broke my two-and-a-half year long abstinence of alcohol and indulged in vodka along with my company colleagues on 31st midnight (I was astonished to find out that all the major liquor brands were actually available in a remote place like Shirpur, where there was no proper restaurant... I guess thats just Indian culture).

Shirpur experience was a rapturous one. I got rid of my podium fear for good, and had a nice break from the monotonous city life as well. I'd definitely want to go back to Shirpur some day, but certainly not as a faculty. Walking down the country macadam was very pleasing.

The upper circuit

2009-01-06T01:47:00.000-08:00

It's evident from Royal's(present pet) health, that he's gonna be at the beach bungalow now, and will never be coming home. Its three months now, since I got my own floor(which now looks as good as my own place). But a dog is something that I really pine having around. I had been brought up with dogs all besides me, ever since I was born. Now I have the incentive to get myself another pet, as I find quite difficult to live without that. Getting a new pet is inevitable. But what kinda dog I must look for, I am still dithering.

What kinda dog do I need?
I hate poodles, chihuahuas and pomeranians. They look like little pussy suckers, who can be kicked away very easily by muggers, never dare to bite, bark like an irritating truck horn, and resemble a football. They're, in my opinion, classified as exhorbitantly homosexual breed and canine designer accessories for women.

I want a big and impertinent looking one. One who never buries his tail down under, and has a considerable height compared to street dogs. He should be able to cast a ferocious look when time calls for it. Most crucial element though is the dog's intelligence (I call it the Upper circuit rating).

No matter the vex, I have shortlisted a few breeds which I would like to buy... here they are:

1) Alsatian (German Shepard):

The advantage for having an alsatian as a pet is that he is massive in size, dark in colour accompanied by think body hair(which gives him a menacing personailty), has a kind of voice which can silence all the animals in 20 meter range, is very affable to his master, complaisant with his master's friends, bites like a tuatara, and is awfully clever. Alsatians are also among the cheapest in exotic breeds available in India.

But then again, alsatians have poor sniffing ability compared to other breeds like labrador and doberman. As for me, I grew up with three different alsatians, one after another, over the last 17 years. I want to try something different now.

Upper circuit rating : 7/10

2) Fox terrier:

Probably the most crafty dog around. This fellow has a very innocent look with flakes of hair sprounting out from his face. This look is full of deciet. Within, this dog has a very monstrous frame of mind, and an truancy of conscience. Built with a very brutal attitude, and disrespect towards friends and foes alike, this animal loathes creatures of every kind; dogs, humans, cats, birds, women, and anything else. A very bad idea if you want a loyal and allegiant pet. But his shrewdness and ingenious upper circuit can come in handy. He can operate doorknobs and light swithches, can outsmart rats and other pests , open car doors and honk horns, and bite at right places in case of a burglary situation.

Upper circuit rating: 9.99/10

3)Boxer:

A mixture between a very large dog, and a dog of average height, this fellow has scanty body hair, thick set of muscles wrapped around his body, and friendly contours. Sense of smell is average and intelligence is better than many other breeds. A very likeable dog, showing congenial attitude towards house members. Doesn't lose temper easily. He has a very strong jaw and a powerful bite which can virtually handicap the victim. Very easy to train as compared to other dogs.
But he has a heavy appetite compared to alsatians. He can be very expensive, and difficult to trace a good pedigree.

Upper cricuit rating : 8/10

4)Doberman:

A very common pet in earlier times. But lately, people opt for other options given his frail features, and savage contours. The body size is smaller compared to street dogs, and the face is tapering, with skiny aspects. Never mind the appearance, the dude has a magnanimous strength within him, and an equally adamant and resolute crasis when it comes to his work. He has a very unyielding attitude, but literally worships his master and is utterly loyal. Despite his size, he posseses enough in his tank to see of any kind of hurdles pertaining to overpowering opponents and assailants. He has acute senses and sharp intellect. A brainy chap. Top choice for home gaurds

The only concerns are his looks. He looks like the Skeletor from 'He-man'.

Upper circuit rating : 9/10

I'd love to get myself dogs from other breeds like Border Collie, Irish wolfhound and King Shephard. But I am after all a poor man.

Upper circuit rating for other canine families:

Dalmatian : 7/10

Rottweiler : 7/10

Golden Retriever : 7/10

Labrador : 6/10

Great Dane : 6/10

Spitz : 5/10

Lhasa Apso : 4/10

Bulldog : 3/10

Cocker Spaniel : 2/10

Pomeranian: 0/10

Dakshin: 1/10

Shirpur Diaries

2009-01-03T04:20:00.000-08:00

For two weeks I had been away to Shirpur, a small village located in the central India, away from Mumbai, in the plateau region. I had been there to conduct special lectures on mathematics for students in RCPIT engineering college. I will write the details about my exploits in the next post. For now, look at the photos...

Dawn at Shirpur

RCPIT Entrance

College Interior

College Gardens

Boys Hostel

G4 Testing

Volleyball with students

A game called chaos

2008-12-09T20:28:00.000-08:00

Leopold Cafe, one of the locations where the terrorists struck

This post comes a little late now, but I took my time to write this one, saving it in parts in the 'drafts', as I needed to put everything in the right words, and again I was waiting for all the matter to be cleared (at least somewhat, if not completely). On 26, November, hell broke loose on my city. Mumbai, the financial capital (its as good as the actual capital) was attacked yet again by terrorist. Its not like we hadn't encountered terror attacks before. But this time, instead of setting up the bombs, the perpetrators came out on the streets themselves, with sophisticated weapons and accessories, and attacked both the civilians as well as the police, and then later the armed forces. This was the first time the country witnessed such attacks, right in the heart of the most beloved place, the city of dreams, a place where setting up one's own residence is a dream shared by majority of the population, both rural and urban.

I'm not gonna bother to describe the details of the attack, firstly because I find it difficult to morph into words, and secondly because I expect those who read my blog to be already apprised and aware of the incident. If you don't know anything about it, then you shouldn't bother to read the post either (motherfucker). The following is my reaction to the attacks, followed by my opinions on others reaction, as well as my conjecture about the things to be done, after we have measured the remains of the day.

Why did it happen?

"...the problem my dear Brutus is not in the stars, but ourselves" - Cassius (in 'Julius Caesar')

Our people and the government blame Pakistan for the attacks. But I say we ourselves are the culprits. Everyone knows that there are a million loopholes in the security, and although people notice it every time they pass by, no one really cares to address the problem. The citizens themselves are not alert, and those who notice wrong doings, say that they are too busy to do anything about it. Yup, here in Bombay, people just dont have enough time to even wince at you, or so they claim.

'The politicians are corrupt' which is a popular cliche, is recited by those who donot bother to vote for the country, which unfortunately comprises chiefly of the educated class. And the ones who vote are illiterate, who get easily swayed by faux promises, and their votes are exploited. As if that isnt enough, the qualified people decide to stay away from politics ( and even the government sector) to pursue the American dream, and then later you can see them complaining that our politicians aren't qualified enough.

Renouned columnists who write for popular newspapers use phrases like 'terrorism has crippled the country' and 'the rise in terror' or even 'the root cause of hatred'. I suppose such columnist could have fared better in writing about the advantages of having a prosthetic penis. Think over it again. When wasn't there terrorism? The Indians have always known terror right from the early days during the Moghul empire, the British rule, the era after independence, and now again. And not just us, but terrorism exists in most of the large countries in the world, and has always existed throughout the entire history. There have been deadlier terror strikes in the country with more people killed than now. So why does this attack strike us so bitterly?

Thats an easy question to answer. The attack would hardly have had any impact if it had happened in any other city. I doubt if people would have been as much sentimental as now if it would have happened in Delhi. People from every corner of the country come to Mumbai. As I have said earlier, many look forward to settling near the city, and many more fantasize about it. Everyone one in the country has some or the other relative, friend or acquaintance who lives in Mumbai or visits the place regularly. The terrorist attack one the most popular locations of the city is hence percieved by many as and attack on the entire nation.

The only rationale for such an attack taking place, is because it was allowed to take place. Simple enough. We ourselves had offered those imbeciles the opportunity. There isnt any single entity to be blamed for this, but a collective fault, ranging from intelligence failure and slackness in domestic security to the dirty politics in the nation.

Who should pay the price?
The terrorists. And ofcourse Pakistan. But we need to address the primary issues first. As Marcus Cicero (a renouned Roman statesman during Caesar's era) had mentioned in one of his speeches, 'When a fish begins to rot, it always rots headfirst'. Thats right, it our leaders who must accept the responsibility. In my opinion, a leader is a person who is supposed to know how to do his business. If he doesn't, then he has no business being a leader. Cicero further said '... the only way to save the fish from rotting, is to cut off the head.'

The ministers simply have to go, including Singh, with all due respect. Although I admire him as a person, he is just not fit to be our PM. And Sonia is better being shipped back to Rome. Not just her, but the entire Gandhi family has failed to impress me their dirty politics(with the exception of Mr. Sanjay Gandhi) . I was convinced of her ... eh...I really dont have any word to describe it...lets say 'dishonour'... when she, for sake elections in Kerela, acquired support of Karunanidhi, who was indicated in the assassination of her own husband Mr. Rajiv Gandhi (although I don't think much of him either). I am delighted to see that cunt Shivraj Patil resign, and I honestly hope and pray to God that he may permanently depart from politics, and even hopefully the world. Most of the senior national and state ministers have followed suit and resigned.

Ofcourse, changing the leaders doesn't really solve the problem, but it is still a sine qua non for our purpose.

What next?

We need to take a hardliner attitude towards terrorism. Firstly, we need to establish a goverment body specially dedicated to external terrorist threats, which should be given a free hand to operate, and enforced by tough terror laws, and an dossier containing an en regle presidential directive that any government officer irrespective of rank or position must extend full cooperation to the members of the body, without asking questions.

The surveillance should be increased, with more officers being involved. The security measures should be sophisticated, and not just comprising of cosmetics of guns and uniforms to merely discourage the terrorists. Amar has suggest on his blog that the whole city should be mapped in a 3-D layout with structural information, and blueprint of every single building in the city being made available in a single database. We should try to make our security as digital as possible. The police weaponry should be upgraded, and a Special Response Team should be established which would be able to reach any point in the city at the seventh minute.

Actions against Pakistan

I have already made my opinion on this subject in one of my earlier posts, 'there can be no peace between India and Pakistan, ever'. Of course, I'd rule out a direct war with Pakistan(On this matter I agree with Mr Pranab Mukherjee). The fact is we don't have what it takes to run the wire. Many Indians believe, that our armed forces can easily achieve a overwhelming victory against Pak if the two are pitted against each other. Well I guess it just their patriotism that speaks, shadowing their reasoning. The truth is our army sucks. Indian army is already facing a shortage of about 30,000 senior officers (Colonel, Brigadier, and General) Pakistan have just twenty divisions or so less than ours. And remember guys, we have four fronts to protect, while technically they have just one. Again their airforce is bigger than us. They have more aircrafts than us, and even shitloads of F-18s, as compared to our stuttering MIG-21s. We do have a vast navy, but again, we have an equally vast coastline, compared to Pakistan's negligible coast. And to add to that, we also have a Catch 22 situation, since about 70% of our oil which has to be imported from Iran arrives through a pipeline via Pakistan, which they have an option of blocking in case of war. Imagine what would happen if 70% of our fuel supply would vanish in a snap of a finger. We have more to lose in this war, than what they have to gain.

But there is not need for an outright war. Rather than calling for internation pressure we must take things in our own hands. We must establish our own unit for cross border operations against the terrorists operating in Pakistan. We have our 'Agni' missiles capable of striking strategic location and terrorist camp, and we must use them. Everyone knows the location of Dawood Ibrahim's residence in Karachi (The guy has the nerve to name his bungalow 'The White house'). It should hit by our ballistic missiles. We can later offer our condolence if any of the Pak government officials gets killed(As if we are gonna meant it). We have the full right to take any step to protect our country, and we dont need any permission for that. there should be no further peace process negotiations with Pakistan unless they hand over Maulana Masood Azar, and Hafiz Sayeed to us (But then I doubt if any of the present political leaders would have the balls make such a move).

A game called chaos

When I first heard about the attack on the news my first thought was to go to there, at ground zero. But ofcourse I knew I would get to go there. But thats the way it is with me. I am totally undaunted despite the attacks. I read on one of my friend that he is now scared to go to VT station, as he goes there often, and that he doesn't trust the security. I even read in the news that many famous personalities feel scared to go out on streets. They are nuthing but chickens and cotton balls. I don't second that, sorry. I have been to VT railway station on many occasions and I will be going there again, and I did go there two days after the attacks. Despite any amount of terrorist threat, I'd still go to any place in my city, not because I am fond of getting myself killed, but I don't like the idea of terrorists, politicians or anyone else telling me where I should and should not go.

No matter these attack, I still havent lost my faith in our defense and security forces. The fact that Mr. Hemant Karkare, the head of ATS(Anti terrorist squad) ran straight into the line of fire himself and died for us, itself shows the level of commitment and dedication our officers work with. Keep in mind that we must all have faith in them, ...or else who will? There may be further terror stikes on the city, and there might be some plan being hatched even as I write. But to be afraid is to allow ourselves to be terrorized, which would only help the purpose of these militants. As I have said before, only we can allow such a thing to happen and only we can stop it from hapenning. I still feel a bit jealous of the NSG boys as they got to go on the spot, and I couldn't do much but watch. I'd still do everything possible from my side.

All of us must be ever alert, and remind ourselves that it can happen to us, and keep a lookout. We must act like responsible citizen and raise our voice. Many among us, who are well educated must vote. I have heard many of my cousins say that they dont vote, as their vote is supposed to be registered in a place they were staying earlier, and that they cant sapre any time to go there. They should probably try to suck their own dick. Your vote is absolutely necessary. It may be just one vote, but it still counts, and matters (too late for those who havent registered. The last date for application has already passed).

I wont say more than this, as I am pretty sure all of us must have talked amongst each other a lot during the last two weeks over this issue. I am myself quite incensed about it, and the thoughts never cease. I have tried to make this post as short as I could. The last thing I'd like to say... irrespect of whether we face terror, or we are in times of peace, we must be willing to make a little sacrifice (i.e. willing to take a bullet) for our country. If you can't do that then keep your mouth shut (and don't ever visit my blog again).

'Whatever you do will be insignificant, but its very important that you do it'

- Mahatma Gandhi

Gateway of India, Mumbai.

Take it easy

2008-11-16T05:35:00.000-08:00

Here's the idea:

A guy takes a taxi, and reaches home, with his mind not in the right place. He gets out of the taxi and picks out a tattered note from his purse and hands it over to the driver. Now the driver refuses to accept the shabby currency note, and says that he won't accept a worn out old note, and tells the guy to get a change from his house. (This is the present trend in India, where people just refuse to accept old looking currency notes that are worn out or carry stains, although they are valid according to the law)

1> Now when angry, this guy hits the roof. He shouts out the law to the driver. Calls hims names. Abuses him verbally, and a heavy argument follows attracting too many onlookers on the street. Finally the driver gives in and moves on with the tattered note, and our guy has won the day. But in the process he has managed to further deteriorate his mood, and is bound to quarrel again with his family members over inconsequential things.

2> Lets us consider that suppose an elevated person, who is put in the same scenario. When the driver declines the currency note, what does he do? He tells the driver that the tattered 10 bucks is the only change he has, and then he produces a 1000 bucks note from his purse, and offers it to the driver and tells him to provide the change. Now the driver doesn't want to loose all his change for sake of avoiding a old but acceptable currency note (or better still, he has no change). He accepts the old note without another word and leaves the place.

What is the difference between the two? Both of them got their work done, but in a different manner. The latter guy redeems his aura of calmness, but the angry man has fried up his own mood.

And who wouldn't want to be like the elevated man. Everyone of us seeks perfection. We want to do all that is right. We aspire to be successful at work, to outdo others at performance, to get the girl of our dreams, and to manage our day, coolly. We want to be happy!! And the biggest fact is all of us think we know what it takes to make ourselves happy. Yeah right!

Think again. What exactly happens when you get angry? You get angry when you don't have it all your way. Thats not all. When you quarrel with someone over a certain problem of yours, it means that you don't know how to solve your problem by yourself, and you are blaming others for it. Be reasonable. No one else gives a damn about your satisfaction.

The man who fights with in high pitched voice doesn't know any other way to fight, because if he did, he wouldn't have had to raise his voice. And not knowing how to deal with your problems makes you an jerk. Its obvious that some assholes will try to hoodwink or bushwack you for their own convenience. Every damn bastard is selfish these days. And if you wish to a successful person, you must first learn to deal every little trouble effectively without disturbing your own peace of mind.

"Anger only makes things worse because it exacerbates the difficult situation and can have have a destructive impact on your relationships, your career, and even your personal liberty"
-Pegasus NLP

The man who deals with intense pressure everyday, and yet gets his job done right, knows that the key to handle pressure is not to allow it to get inside his head. Once you know how to keep your cool, you are able to think of your problems as maths problems, which can be solved one way or another. To overcome our hurdles in an inventive and resourceful way, it is necessary that we don't lose our cool or push the panic button.

What nudged me to write this?

Just couple of months back I walked into Airtel mobile gallery to complain about my mobile service to their Customer Care. I waited for quite a long time for my turn as there was a lot of crowd and their management really sucks. The woman on the counter just entertained two men who had arrived after me. I complained to her about answering to them before my turn, and she said their problem was a minor one. I lost my cool and raised my voice, saying "So is mine". All of sudden there was a silence in the gallery, and that woman was terrified, and from her face I could make out that she was almost in tears. She attended my problem with urgency and handed me the note in a matter of minutes.

I got my job done and left. But I felt really bad about what I had done. The woman at the counter did make a mistake of course. But thinking later with an open mind, I realized that there were only five people there to handle 200 angry customers in a stuffy gallery, and you couldn't expect perfect management from that. It was the company's fault that they had no proper Customer Care service.

The next day I took some time off work and visited the gallery back, and apologized to that woman for losing my temper, and she was really overwhelmed by that. She said she really appreciated that I treated her with dignity. As I lost my SIM card few days back, I went back there again today, and this time she was really nice to me, and got me a duplicate SIM card even though I did not have the documents with me. She told me to get them later as per my convenience, disregarding the regular company policy of submitting the documents before the issue of a duplicate SIM card (I wasn't aware of the policy earlier).

The experience taught me a lot. I have decided, that from now on that I'll try my best to never lose my temper and composure, and always think before I say anything to anyone. I am determined to manipulate my attitude so that I would barely be deprived of my calm.

It is a really difficult task, as anger is a second nature to many people including me. But there is saying among my natives, "Kelyane hote" which literally translated means, "It is possible if you try".

How to do it?
I am gonna make wallpaper carrying a note "YOU MUST NOT GET ANGRY" have it on my desktop ( There is presently a note on my wallpaper saying "YOU SHOULD BE STUDYING ). Next time when I feel my blood boils due to unforeseen circumstances, the wallpaper should flash over in my mind, hopefully.

The virtual world of canvas

2008-10-21T22:58:00.000-07:00

Cornfield with cypress trees by Vincent van Gogh

I was waiting in front of MMB for my friend, when it was evident to me that he would be late(but in fact the moron wasn't even coming). I decided on passing my time at the adjacent Jahangir Arts Gallery at Kala Ghoda. I had been there before ofcourse, on two occassions to be precise... once back in 4th grade when my my close relative, Mr. Harish Raut (one of the most prominent Indian painters) had exhibited his paintings, and later in 10th grade when, soon after his heavenbound departure, all my close relatives decided to auction off his remaining master peices. But in those times, I was a mere guest, and not really interested in any arts. But now, for the first time, I entered the gallery of my own free will, although not expecting much. After entering the right sided gallery(I can't recall the name of the hall).

I witnessed massive painting of nude village women clad in translucent silky cloth along contemporary Indian countryside. The paintings were quiet large, such that the painted women were looking twice my size. It was quiet an enthralling scene, and no wonder the price tag was exceeding 70 grand. Don't get me wrong. I wasn't excited by virtue of the naked ladies or the obscenity, but the minute details which the artist had emphasised on, along with the huge shape of the more than life sized drawings. It was by no means pornography, and you'll agree with me if you see them yourself. I later managed to get myself out of the hall (reluctantly ofcourse, because I thought I'd be looking like a pervert, staring at the breasts) and I went on to the left sided gallery.

I never seen anything like it before. The paintings here were much smaller, and again of contemporart Indian era, but the colours actually seemed as if exploding out of the frame, everytime you put your eyes on the paintings. I guess it was the combination of strokes that must have done it, but the subject was quite simple, and the meaning of the scene could be clearly understood by reading the titles of each painting. There were forty or such in the gallery, and even several of them were water coloured. I then knew, why men spend millions of dollars on such paintings, as they are priceless. If I had the money, I would have definately bought one then and there(I swear I am going to make it my indulgence one day).

Shashikant Bane's works on display at Jahangir art Gallery

It sparked a whole new interest in me and I approached the artist, Mr. Shashikant Bane, who was standing at the centre of the gallery. I told him, after looking at his paintings, I wished to paint my own. I guessed it would be difficult ofcourse, since I was never much of a painter in my teens, having never appeared for those 'Elementary' and 'Intermediate' exams in my schools. But he said it wasn't necessary, and that I could start working on painting from scratch, at any age as I pleased to do. He told me to begin with pencil sketching first and then on canvas with oil paints. The advantage of using oil paints on canvas is that you can always, make amendments to your drawing within 24 hours, and even correct mistakes, especially while you are working on faces. Water colours make it more difficult as you can't make major changes.

So I have decided, I'll be working on my very first painting from november, now that I am through with sketching and shading already. I'll be painting my favourite scene, i.e a naked girl in bed... just awake, with hair disheveled, and narrowly revealing her breasts from the matress. The face I guess will be the the most difficult part, as even a tiny bit of mistake changes the entire personality, so I will procrastinate the task till the end. And I will also add a tattoo... though where exactly and what kind of tatoo, I haven't yet decided. But I am definately into painting now. It would have been better perhaps if I were to get someone to pose for me, but I shouldn't be too optimistic about it...

A Painting by John Fischer

Beat your wife

2008-10-14T22:18:00.000-07:00

It was almost time for me to call it a day's work leave for home along with rest of the office staff. And then this senior manager just mentioned something that sparked a whole new debate, attracting interest from every other member of the office. I don't exactly remember what made Shrikant say it, because I wasn't paying attention to the things spoken before, as I was chatting with Onkar on Gmail. And suddenly, just like the rest of the staff, I heard him speak in marathi, "Hoy, mee marle ahe majya bayko la", (Yes, I did hit my wife). And all the necks in the large room abruptly turned towards Shrikant, and most hurriedly the ladies. Some girls in among the staff clasped their mouth, other looked on with their jaws dropped, followed exasperated gasps. Shrikant the explained why he did it. And so I write this post to emphasize my support for Shirkant over the necessity of use of physical force against one's spouse.

Reasons to hit your wife:
1> Hitting is fun. Don't you agree! If you have ever played Midtown Madness, a video game where you try to run your car over people moving around the street, and try to cause maximum damage, and you'll know what I am talking about. The best person to hit is your wife, because you will be able to hit her again, as she isn't going to run away anywhere.

2> Face it. Most of the temperamental women tend to nag their hubbies a lot over a host of insignificant and immaterial issues, like not flushing the WC, and forgetting to put one's socks in the wash machine, and masturbating. You can ignore it initially, but sometimes when your run in trouble at work, and you are in a bad mood, that bitch will make things worse for you by such attitude of hers'. At such times, your soul mate is supposed to support you, and not annoy you further.

In which case, you may shout at her. But if you give her a 'one tight slap' the first time she nags at you, in that case you'll never face this problem in your life ever again, as your wife will know not to get on your wrong side. So beat the shit out of your wife the first time she gets on your nerve. If you ignore it even once, you'll have to regret it rest of your life.

Tip: For the first time when you do it, hit the hardest. So hard that the bruise must be visible to anyone for at least a week. The best part to hit is the face, because every looks at that. You can probably use a belt, but it belt marks can be easily cover by clothes. But yes, using a belt to hit on the cheeks is a good idea.

3> The reason most love marriages don't work is because, when a girl marries someone out of love, she expects a lot from her husband. That makes it harder for the hubby to hit her. He goes on to tolerate her attitude problems. But at some point in his life, he can't take it anymore, and so the couple decide to call of the marriage.

In this case if you just set aside your love, and all other sentiments along with it, and take a practical approach to the case, and be brave and hit stupid moron of a wife, and you can successfully infuse some sense in her, and she may be more amiable and co operative with you in the future. Remind yourself that even you have the right to expect a lot from your girl just the way she does.

If you think love is just about giving, you are right, but you are also a bloody idiotic loser. You must remind you spouse that even she must think of just giving all the time because she is in love with you. If not, then she can very well fuck the hell off.

4> Some women are more resolute and adamant. Sometimes, at your very first hit, your wife may decide to divorce you. You may be afraid of it, and perhaps that would be a reason you would delay the flogging. Come on, who are you kidding. IF your wife can divorce you now, she can also divorce you later. And if you already have kids with her then, then you would probably get yourself screwed by hitting her then. Because if she decides to divorce you then, you're dead meat. The reason is, the law always gives preference to the women, in cases of child custody.

Hitting your wife in a short time after marriage, can clear up whether she will stick around, or leave you. If she leaves, in that case God just imparted you salvation from a bad choice, and you got yourself a second chance, by realizing your mistake in choosing. Think of it as a reward for your courage in raising your hand.

If she doesn't leave, and just cries in her room. BRAVO. You have a perfect wife, and you will be having a very happy married life. Love you wife then. Never hit her again, unless she nags(which would be unlikely, once she knows you can hit). Make love to her everyday. Kiss her daily, on lips, smooch her with your tongue. Brush her cheeks (women like that), and don't forget to have sex. You can caress her breasts too. Its feels very nice. Again try to make her purr in bed.

OFTEN KEEP BUYING HER GIFTS

5> When you have sex after apologizing to your wife, women get more passionate and fucking gets more exciting then. First hit her. And then say sorry, and plead. And she will like that. Then make love for at least 2 hours. Nothing like it. Best, do it on Sunday so that you wouldn't get disturbed. And you can take her out for dinner too. I bet she'll be looking great and would be dressed sexily too. There no satisfaction as that which comes with walking around the street with your life partner dressed in a highly stimulating outfit.

In some, and very rare cases, you may never need to hit your wife. Perhaps if your wife is very mature, highly understanding and considerate of you, there is absolutely no reason to hit her. Remember, hitting without no reason is a bad thing. Even Hitler didn't hit his wife (though he was married only for couple of hours). If you happen to marry such a women, you are the luckiest man on the planet. Ask no further.

Also, in some cases, again rare, if your wife is intelligent, you can actually argue with her over her behaviour. Remember, to have a successful married life, your wife must trust your judgment and decisions. IF your wife doesn't trust your decision making ability, you're in for a big ride. And in return you must trust your wife's judgment too. If you can't do that then don't marry the girl, and find someone else who's decision you trust. At any rate you don't want a wife who is an idiot. Unless of course you're wife accepts the fact that she is an idiot. In that case you are lucky again. The wisest thing that can be done in the world, is for an idiot to agree that he is an idiot. Even the wisest of all men find it a very difficult task.

If you trust your wife's intelligence and decision making acumen completely, there is no reason to hit her as it is more likely that you are an idiot yourself.

When to do it?
If you have made up your mind to hit and you are wondering when to do it, here's a tip. Do it when she least expects it. That way you can record a maximum shock and optimal impact, both on body and mind. If she nags you now, wait till she is in a cheerful mood till later. When she is all in her best mood, hit her quickly, and make it fast. It should be in a split second. I would advice practicing initially. That should be helpful. That one stroke will have settled all your wife-nagging trouble for the rest of your life. The more brutal, the more effective it will be.

Just another ambergris

2008-10-06T22:24:00.000-07:00

This is what I think of oil. Its just another ambergris.

Petrol is as good as water these days. We cannot live without it. We just can't live without it now. Or perhaps it appears so. But I HATE that liquid. If god were ever to condescend on me and ask me for a wish, I'd ask him to rid the world of it in a snap of a finger. Here's why:

Those middle east sheiks make money out of nothing. They generate so much, as to make tree shaped islands for themselves in the middle of nowhere, and build a huge refrigerator to preserve a skiing range right over a 100 degree hot patch of desert. And despite all that, schools in Saudi Arabia teach a 25 year old man, the same lesson we learn in 8th grade here in India. Not a penny spent on education. And why should they bother. There are only the higher and the lower middle classes in Middle east. The wealthy can afford to get educated in UK, while the poor don't need any literacy to clean the camel's behinds. Not to mention the sad plight of the women, who aren't even considered for counting in their census. I am frustrated at that because Saudi girls are too good, and would even make Angelina Jolie look disapprovingly at her puppies from time to time. I don't think Sultan Abdul-Aziz ibn Saud would have hoped for this when he freed his nation from the foreigners to make it 'Saudi' Arabia.

Sultan Abdul Aziz ibn Saud's insignia - Second ruler of Saudia Arabia and the son of Prince Muhammed ibn Saud. The founders of Saudi empire.

But how long do you think their petro-dollars are going to last. In my opinion, their future will be exactly as Matt Damon mentions in 'Syriana'. They were a pack of Nomads 100 years before, and they will be a pack of Nomads hundred years later. Because the fate of their oil is the same as that of the Ambergris.

What is Ambergris? or rather What was Ambergris:

Ambergris is an substance extracted from the intestines of a Sperm Whale. Whenever Whales die, their bodies are carried by other whales to a specific spot in the ocean, called the 'graveyard of whales'. It is extremely difficult to locate a graveyard, as it is often at ridiculous depths. But once found, it would virtually make a whaler into a multi millionaire back in the old days. Since it would allow him to extract tonnes of ambergris. There was a time when Ambergris was worth more than ten times the cost of gold. It was used as a fixative in perfumes, and was the only option then.

Raw Ambergris

However, due to its inconsistent and unreliable availability, industrialists managed to find an alternative, and Ambergris was dethroned by its synthetic successor, Ambroxan. Now a days, Ambroxan is the most widely used fixative, and is cheaply available for perfumery. Although demand for Ambergris is still not quite exhausted since it has other uses in medicine, its worth less than a shoelace now for the perfume industry. It is now a mere byproduct of the whaling industry, and expeditions for locating graveyards have gone extinct lately.

In those days when Ambergris was treasure, traders accumulated gargantuan amounts of ambergris by spending millions of dollars for sake of long term investments. As of now, their investments are just a pile of dirt.

Oil is more widely used and produced than Ambergris. But I believe it is a matter of time when we finally replace it with better and cheaper substitute. There are a lot of problems of course.

Already airplanes powered by solar energy have taken successful flights around the world (although so far they are unmanned), and hovercrafts running on car batteries are beginning to provide better average than the traditional scooter (but for the speed). But when the breakthrough does happen, it would only take an year before the middle east barons would be brought crashing down to bite dust, and all those magnanimous palaces of theirs, with all their grandeur will be auctioned off on ebay.

To those who think it would not happen, I'd like to speak of a Ducktales episode I watched back in school : "Gyro invents a time machine, which is shaped like a helicopter and can fly too. Bubba, uses the time machine to go back in time to find Scrooge. And then back in the medieval time, a prince is pasting bird feathers to his body, while his father, the King, tries desperately to explain to him that man can never fly. Just about that moment, Bubba appears in the medieval time period with his flying time machine and calls out 'Scrooge, Scrooge' from the sky. And then goes flys away. Then the King and the prince both notice him, and the king immediately begins helping his son to paste more feathers to his body to assist him in his quest for flying."

World's largest oil rig in Rio De Janeiro, sinking down. The eventual fate of every other oil rig.

BAD ENGLISH USAGE

2008-09-04T06:05:00.000-07:00

I hate it when people get it all wrong with the language, and don't even bother to know about it. Though their effort to speak up in a language which they're poor at should be appreciated, they should know better than to make a fool of themselves. But the part that annoys me the most is they never realize that they are making a fool out of themselves, since no one else apart from a few people can spot the bad grammar. And besides its stupid to point of every single mistake when they talk so rapidly. I am not just talking about a bunch of winy girls mumbling, 'like this, like this' and 'I only, you only' to each other. A lot of us have made a habit of incorrect sentence formation, and we tend to ignore many basic language rules. Here are a few examples mentioned on BBC website along others I recollect...

> "for free" is becoming commonplace and is used often on television and it's wrong. It should be "for nothing".

> There is no such thing as 12 am & 12 pm. 'AM' or "ante meridiem" means "before noon", ans 'PM' or "post meridiem" means "after noon". The correct way is to describe it as Midnight and Noon.

> If you do something to change a situation, then you "effect" a change. If your circumstances are changed by an action, then the change has caused an "effect". You cannot "affect" a change in something, nor can you be "effected" by one.

> This one is heard quite often. The plural of CD can't be CD's. Its CD itself.

> The improper use of "I' and 'me' is perhaps the most common written errors. "She said some very kind things about George and me" is a proper sentence, and not "She said some very kind things about George and I". An easy way to remember which to use is: if you would say him or her on its own, use 'me'; if you would say he or she on its own, use 'I'.

> Saying 'yourself' and 'myself' instead of 'you' and 'me', just for being overly polite is again bad grammar.

> There is no '-as to when-' phrase in English language. Never use that in a sentence.

> How about "none of them is" and "none of them are"? Most people would use the latter whereas the former is correct. "None" is short for "not one" therefore "not one (none) of them is" would be used.

> Its always 'different from' and NEVER 'different than' and 'different to'.

> "They opened fire on us" is again one of the most popular errors, and made by many among the military.

> Its always 'number of people' and not 'amount of people'. AMOUNT is used when the noun cannot be counted, such as 'amount of water' being used instead of 'number of gallons of water'. But 'amount of gallons of water' is incorrect.

> Single noun with a plural verb is again a pitiful error, for example: "the team are happy with their victory", or "management have congratulated the workforce on the recent increase in productivity". Team is a singular noun so it should read "the team IS happy..." or "the team members ARE happy", the same applies "management HAS congratulated..."

There are many more examples of incorrect usage. Try to be vary of such usage guys.

Me and the Intruder

2008-08-16T11:55:00.000-07:00

My folks woke me up today morning before leaving, and I made my way up to the First floor of my new home, which I still getting accustomed to. I went to the kitchen, and made myself some coffee, and put it in the microwave, and was brushing my teeth then. And I noticed this guy right in my hall. He was trying to force his way out of a narrowly open sliding window. My first thought was to shut that window. After shutting it, I went over all the house and sealed off every other possible exit for him. He realized that I had just locked him in and made his way into one of the corners. Not so eagerly anticipating my next move, he waited. And then followed a wild and almost 'Tom and Jerry' chase for half an hour till he finally realized the fact that his escape wouldn't be as easy as that of Jerry as this was not a cartoon.

He finally let me get my hands over him, only to enlighten me about his razor sharp teeth. He took great pride in burying his two most magnificently conspicuous teeth, deep within one of the blood veins running through my right forehand. I managed to actually pull his teeth out with all the force to free my beloved vein, only to realize the eventuality that I would have to compromise the thumb on my left hand again to his 'Gillette Mach 3' teeth.

But finally he understood the difference between him and cobra, and realized that such bites were hardly of any consequence. He then went all numb. I had finally caught him. I was delighted of course, knowing that many people never ever get to touch as much as a dead squirrel, in their lifetime, let alone a live one.

He was scared like a rat (although it would be obvious, because he comes from a rat family) His whole body was vibrating harder than Nokia N72 does when fully charged. His heart was pounding as fast as hell. I brushed his head as a gesture of goodwill towards him, trying to let him know that even though I chased him down with quite some difficulty, I still wouldn't have begruded him an escape.

But the poor fellow was convinced that he tasted better than boneless chicken, and that the best possible service he could render me was himself as a delicacy for my breakfast. All the time his fists were tightly clenched. I racked my brains and tried hard to think of a way for letting him know my friendly intentions. I let him have my finger, just to allow him another bite, but he seemed to have lost all hope, and just kept on staring even when I put my finger on his teeth. I then put a couple of nuts in front of him, but he refused to eat them even after I left him alone with them. I even let him loose in the house, but he would not move then, all the time looking at me as if I were the Satan himself.

Just look at his fists, tightly clenched, and praying

As many of you may know, that I am an ardent animal lover. I can't stand the idea of an animal being scared of me. As I felt quite heartless to bother the poor fellow any further, I went on to open one of the windows for him. He went for the exit like a bullet, not looking back or even sideways, afraid that I may change my mind. That would be last time I'd be seeing him now, and I doubt he'd come back even inside our garden, as I had frightened the living daylights out of him.

I went to the doctor then to pick up the remains of the day, and to find out what was to be done with my vein now. But I still feel it was worth the effort, as it was the first, and probably the last time I'd get to caress a squirrel. Its a pity the there was no way I could have let the fellow know I wasn't as bad as he'd make of me.

Words of the week

2008-08-08T22:39:00.001-07:00

Here are all the week's words. There are just five. I missed out updating the blog on two of the days. Sorry.

Absolute ceiling
The maximum altitude at which an aircraft is capable of maintaining horizontal flight at normal atmospheric conditions.
Note: The altitude above Absolute ceiling is called Aeropause where an aircraft cannot fly.

Whited Sepulcher
1. An evil person who makes a pretense of a holy or good.
2. informal Hypocrite.

Ambsace
1.The lowest score obtained by the throw of two dices.
2.Bad luck or misfortune.
3. Anything having an insignificant value : Worthless.

Hokum
Something seemingly impressive but actually false or insicere.

Esperance
A feeling of hope

Balls Galore

2008-08-06T11:12:00.000-07:00

"To be utterly common is itself extraordinary"
- Osho Rajnish

I don't like this Rajnish guy at all, and I don't even support any of his views because he is a big fraud. But I agree with what he says about street dogs. Street dogs are the most extraordinary among all animals, not just because they are utterly common and quiet abundant, but also awfully smart. To prove my point I would like to adduce to you some circumstantial evidence to support my views, unlike our dear friend Osho of course, who just said "I am God", instead of making any sense.Firstly there is no dispute among anyone that dogs are the best among all mammals, and even in some aspects better than lesbians. My aim is to convince the reader that street dogs (gavthi) are better than any other breed, in all attributes.

1. They have straightforward rules of engagement

Admit it. People these days talk of animals going extinct. Why? Because those animals are morons, unlike street dogs. Street dogs sure know how to multiply well enough. They have a pretty 'get to the point' approach in breeding.

Find a female, smell her ass, and then invade the pussy. I mean other animals have ridiculously complicated laws of courtship. Spiders and bugs have to perform tap dances, while tigers have to keep growling, and peacocks have to expose their beneaths. Dogs dont need to masturbate every now and then like me either.

2. They are often politically correct

This has been proven by many experts that dogs bark at the right people. Even Abraham Lincoln used to take advice from his own dog who would then respond with a bark. Now rather than saying anything more I'd like to show you rock solid evidence of my hypothesis. The following is the pic I have promptly captured.

The image shows a dog shitting right next to a MNS party flag. Being a true Mumbaikar, this dog shows contempt for Raj Thackeray's views. This itself proves my conjecture.

3. They own the place

Now come on. You know this as well as anyone else. They own the place. They can go anywhere without being asked questions. They can do whatever they want with their stuff. They'll make bed anywhere they want, whether we like it or not. Here again I would present few pics to abet my views.

4. They know very well whom to appreciate

I asked one of the sagacious members of their community to opine on Naomi Campbell, and this is what he had to say to me...

(Go and kiss mothers behind)

5. They never bother people unnecessarily

Face it. We need to learn something from the dogs. I mean have you ever seen a street dog bother you. They just treat us quite passively, and have certain amount of indifference to human affairs. Because they know very well that they are of a little account to us, and so rightfully keep out of our way.
But not us. I mean asking an excreta like Pfr. Potadar (if ever there was worse professor) to teach Math students Java is really too much for any Ruia college student.
Most street dogs always comply and cooperate with humans around them for better living. Here is an example...
The clean surroundings indicate the street dogs appreciate the herculean efforts taken to clean the road.

All these things add up to convey that street dogs are indeed the most acceptable and favourable fauna in our environment. If you think otherwise or that you still remain impervious to my manipulative skills, then you are cordially invited to post your comments.
Thank you.

The King of Political incorrectness

2008-07-12T02:11:00.000-07:00

First of all, before posting anything else I would like to make it clear to you all that I am not an Anti-Muslim. But as the matter stands, there was a recruitment held in a Company owned by my family and close relatives, for new employees. And after receiving more than hundred application we shortlisted about 20. But the part that bothered me the most is that my relatives made it a point to make sure they did let any Muslim in the company, no matter what his qualification were. The reason put forward by my Granddad was, 'Its not safe'.

I didn't really feel like arguing over this since I am neither in any position to say anything nor do I have much say in family matters. But after not being able to resist I drew up this topic with my Mama. Whatever he said, I don't totally agree with it. but nevertheless I couldn't help feeling that he had a point. This post is a euphemism of what he told me. To best put his views I have decided to post the following poem.

The poem “The Ducks and the Hens” was originally written by the king of political incorrectness, George Lincoln Rockwell, a commander and fighter-pilot in WWII who was also a master propagandist, in that his message was well-received (even if most disliked his message due to its association with Germany’s WWII-era party). He was assassinated in 1967. His exploits made him the scourge of Jews in the U.S. Rockwell was certainly a controversial figure during his time. After being affiliated with various mainstream political groups, he grew weary of pointing out many of the fundamental problems afflicting the U.S. and many of those involved with them; he noticed that every time he mentioned that Jews were often the leaders of both foreign organizations (such as those that promote America’s Israel-first policy, which is undoubtedly a much greater problem today) and domestic organizations (which often promoted America’s anti-nationalist policies, similar to NAFTA, CAFTA, etc. today), even though such statements were invariably true, Jews often labeled him and others “Nazis” for pointing this out.

The original idea of the poem was associated with sympathy for Adolf Hitler and his Jew extermination department, but as we that history repeats itself, we can apply the gist to all the latest discriminatory crap like West-Middle east, Shia-Sunni, Jews-Palestinians, OBC- Open, Harbhajan-Symonds and all conflicts involving race, religion, culture, and other ways of classifying people, like scousers and blues.

But perhaps the best analogy would be over recent settlement issues like Raj Thackeray's campaign in Mumbai over non-Maharashtrians, and most recently the Amarnath trust controversy in J&K.

(I hope Sandeep and Vini are reading this, cause I know they will enjoy this post, if not me.)

The Fable of Ducks and Hens

Many, many years ago
When animals could speak,
A wondrous thing the ducks befell;
Their tale is quite unique.

Down by a pond dwelt all these ducks
Ten thousand at the least
Their duckish joys were undisturbed
By any man or beast.

One day down near the entrance gate
There was an awful din
A hundred hens all out of breath
Were begging to come in.

"Oh let us in" these poor birds cried
"Before we do expire!
'Tis only by the merest inch
That we escaped the fire!"

Their feathers burned, their combs adroop
They were the saddest sight.
They'd run a hundred miles or more,
All day and then all night.

"Come in! Come in!" the ducks all quacked,
"For you our hearts do bleed!
We'll share our happy lot with you;
Just tell us what you need!"

And so these poor bedraggled hens
Amongst the ducks moved in.
"For after all," the ducks declared,
"We're sisters 'neath the skin."

Before too many months had lapsed,
The hens were good as new.
They sent for all their rooster friends,
And those were welcomed too.

To please their hosts, these chickens tried
To waddle and to quack.
To imitate the duckish ways,
They quickly learned the knack.

This pleased the flock of ducks because
It gratified their pride.
But hear my tale and learn how they
Got taken for a ride.

The ducks, it seemed, spent all their time
In fixing up the place,
In growing food and building homes
And cleaning every space.

They asked the hens what they would do
To earn their daily bread.
"We'll teach and write and entertain
And buy and sell," they said.

And so these hens began to teach
The baby ducks and chicks.
They traded food and eggs and things,
With many clever tricks.

They wrote great books and put on shows
Of genius they'd no lack.
It wasn't long till chickens owned
The Duckville Daily Quack.

One day a mother duck who took
Her ducklings to the lake,
Was flabbergasted when one said,
"A swim I will not take!"

"Why duckling's always swim" she gasped,
"It's what you're built to do!
Like bunnies hop, and crickets chirp,
And cows most always moo!"

"You're nuts!" her son replied,
"That stuff is all old hat!
It's wrong for birds to swim, besides
It's damn cold on my prat!"

"Oh fie!" the mother duck exclaimed,
"You're talking like a fool!"
Up quacked the other ducklings then:
"He's right! We learned in school!"

"Such talk must stop!" the mother cried,
"Those hens can't tell such lies!
For sheer ingratitude and nerve,
I'm sure this takes the prize!"

But she was wrong, for even then
The hens did thump the tub
Demanding they be let into
The Duckville Swimming Club.

"But you don't swim!" the ducks exclaimed,
"To join, why should you care?"
"That's not the point" the hens replied,
"To exclude us isn't fair!"

The younger ducks, who'd been to school
Agreed right there and then:
"To keep them out is bigotry!
'Twould just be anti-hen!"

Outnumbered by the younger ducks,
The old ducks soon did lose.
The hens could join the Swimming Club,
If they would pay the dues.

That night the Duckville Daily Quack
Contained this banner spread:
"REACTIONARY DUCKS ARE LICKED!
DUCKVILLE MOVES AHEAD!"

Down at the Duckville Gaity,
The young set laughed with glee,
At cracks about "old fuddy ducks"
In burlesque repartee.

Next day the hens were at the Club;
A petition they'd sent round
They objected to the Swimming Fund
With fury and with sound.

"You use our dues to fix the pond,
To keep it neat and trim
And this is wrong" they said, "because
You know we do not swim!"

"God help us!" exclaimed a wise old duck,
"Those chickens have gone mad!
We'll take this thing to court, by George!
And justice will be had!"

But when they went before the judge,
Imagine their dismay!
A chicken judge decreed that they
A heavy fine must pay!

"Minorities must have their rights!"
The judge declared right then
"To use hens' dues to fix the pond
Is very anti-hen!"

Once more the Duckville Daily Quack
Emblazoned 'cross the page:
"OLD FUDDY DUCKS REFUSE TO SEE
THE GREAT NEW COMING AGE!"

In Duckville's church, on Sunday morn
The preacher spoke these words:
"Discrimination's got to stop!
Remember, we're all birds!"

The wisest duck in all the town
Sat down in black despair
"I'll write a book," he thought, "and then
This madness I will bare!"

"Let swimmers swim, let hoppers hop,
Let each go his own way
Let none coerce a fellow bird!"
Was what he had to say.

"'Twas wrong to force the hens to swim,
So here's the problem's crux:
It's just as bad for hens to try
To chickenize our ducks!"

"I can't print that" the printer said
"'Twill put me in a mess!
My shop is mortgaged to the hens
The chickens own my press!"

This worried duck then tried to warn
His friends by speech and pen,
But young ducks fresh from school just jeered,
"He's a vicious anti-hen!"

Now up the stream a little way
Was Gooseville, on the lake
The hens had come to Gooseville too,
But the geese were more awake.

When the hens began to spoil the young
And Gooseville's laws to flout,
The geese rose up in righteous wrath
And simply threw them out.

Of course you know where they all ran;
On Duckville they converged
"We've got to take these refugees"
Was what the ducks all urged.

The Duckville Daily Quack declared:
"Those geese will stop at naught!
They plan to conquer all the world!
Atrocities they've wrought!"

"That's right!" the young ducks all agreed,
"We'll help our fellow birds!
Those geese have plans to conquer us!
We've read the Quack's own words!"

They let the hens from Gooseville in,
The whole bedraggled pack
And every hen took up a job
On Duckville's Daily Quack.

When Duckville's Mayor's term was up,
The Quack put up its duck;
A vain and stupid duck he was,
A veritable cluck!

But when he praised the wild young ducks
And cursed the evil geese,
The Quack declared he was "all-wise"
His praise would never cease.

The hens chipped in to help this cluck
Give grain away for free
The old ducks sadly shook their heads,
The writing they could see.

And sure enough, this stupid duck,
He was elected Mayor
From this point on, the Duckville ducks,
They never had a prayer.

The Mayor said, "Gooseville must go!
We'll wipe them off the map!"
While Duckville slept, the scheming hens
For Gooseville set a trap.

They called the geese by filthy names;
They filled their pond with sticks
They helped the weasels catch the geese,
And other hennish tricks.

The geese got mad and threw some rocks,
"IT'S WAR!" the Quack announced:
"We ducks must fight those evil geese
Till they've been soundly trounced!"

The ducks (who knew not of the tricks
Indulged in by the Mayor)
Were filled with patriotic zeal,
And pitched right in for fair.

Now when the ducks had whipped the geese
The Mayor called "Retreat!
Our Henville friends should really take
Goosevilles's big main street!"

The hens are back in Gooseville now;
They starved and beat the geese
They prayed for peace but organized
The Henville Armed Police.

They drained the Gooseville swimming pond;
And 'De-goose-ified' the schools,
They wrung the neck of Gooseville's Mayor
On lately made up rules.

They formed a council of the hens,
'United Birds' the name
The other birds who joined the thing
Did not perceive their game.

No sooner had they set this up,
Than they announced their plan
To seize up Swanville as a home
For all their hennish clan.

They took a vote amongst the hens,
And every one approved!
"Swanville was for hens!" they said,
"Way back, before we moved."

And so they kicked the swans all out
With Duckville's help and power
And Duckville could not understand
Why swans on them turned sour.

By this time, Duckville was a mess;
The young ducks had gone mad
They stole and laughed at truth and law
They'd gone completely bad.

The hens were selling loco weed
In every nasty den
But ducks who dared to mention this
Were labelled 'anti-hen.'

The hens all preached of 'Tolerance';
They invoked the 'Golden Rule'
But they subsidized the indigent,
The greedy and the fool.

At last the very dumbest ducks
Began to smell a rat
"This Mayor is no good" they cried
"And we will soon fix that!"

But the hens had planned for even this
A candidate they had,
Whom even wise old ducks believed
Just never could be bad.

This hen-tool duck had whipped the geese;
A soldier duck was he
Although the hens had set him up,
The ducks all thought him free.

This hen-tool got elected,
Through ignorance and greed,
Through hennish lies in press and speech
And bribes of 'chicken feed.'

The hens now kicked the ducks around,
Without a blush of shame
Until the Mayor ran the town
In nothing else but name.

They pumped the swimming pond all dry;
They taught the ducks to crow
While duckish numbers dwindled,
The hens began to grow.

The hens stirred up the happy crows
From out the piney wood
To fight and mix and marry ducks
In the name of 'Brotherhood.'

Things got so bad that fifty ducks
Who knew of days gone by,
Took up their wives and children
And decided that they'd fly.

They flew through storm and tempest;
They froze, and many died
But on they drove, until at last
A lovely lake they spied.

They settled down exhausted,
But soon went straight to work
To build and clear and cultivate,
No danger did they shirk.

Now after many years of toil,
This little band had grown
The fields around were full of grain
From seeds that they had sown.

The first ducks now were long since dead;
Their struggles long had ceased
Through hard work and through suffering
Their joys had been increased.

One day down near the entrance gate
There was an awful din
A hundred hens, all out of breath,
Were begging to come in.

"Oh let us in" these poor birds cried
"Before we do expire!
'Tis only by the merest inch
That we escaped the fire!"

Phantom in real life?

2008-06-18T10:34:00.000-07:00

After watching 'Iron man' lately (awesome movie), and most recently running into a torrent containing all the old phantom comics I used to read when I was in school, I happen to recall myself back in the old days when I used to dream of being a masked crime fighter myself. I am referring to all those masked marvels who, unlike Superman and Spiderman, don't have any superpowers. Their only means of achieving their ends is their desire to do so. I never quite appreciated those superheroes, who go snooping around some radioactive stuff, and have theirs DNA altered to fly and grow webs out of their cavities, and neither did I credit any alien samples like superman, for the obvious reason, it never looks quite entertaining when you know for sure that its more likely you'd more often come across polar bears playing beach volleyball in Bahamas, rather than people shooting lasers out of their eyes. The idea of a guy with a normal DNA structure, mastering all the arts of combat and engagement, and roaming around in shadows at night, beating the shit out of deadly criminals and having successful sex with women having equally normal DNA structure, sound more pragmatic.

These masked marvels now have their own legacy. They have their own ideology. They have their own history and they have their own world of fantasy. But I realized that even if it is possible that such a phantom can exist, just because he is a regular guy who masters death by sheer physical training, it really doesn't mean he will, and that such and idea even if physically possible is still a fantasy. Could any man ever aspire to be a masked marvel in his life, rather than everything else people usually aspire to be? Why would anyne want to fight crime wearing a stupid costume in the first place? In order to help answer this question, let us therefore try to answer a easier question, which is "Did there ever exist such a man in human history who was a masked crime fighter ?"

To answer this question let us look into the history of such characters. Now there are many masked comic characters in the world. But we will consider four of the most popular characters which are :

The Phantom : 'The ghost who walks' as called by the pygmies, is a man who is dreaded by every pirate. His descendants take on his responsibility after his death, culminating a popular belief among his enemies that he cannot die. Kit Walker, is the 21st phantom in the Dynasty.

El Zorro (meaning 'the fox' in Spanish) : Diego is a son of an aristocrat who takes takes on
the Spanish government in Mexico to protect the oppressed.

Ironman : You should really watch the movie.

Batman : Billionare Bruce Wayne turns into a crimefighter after his parents are killed by a hijacker.

The most noticeable similarity between them all is that they are masked, and fight crime for fun. But this is not really going to help us. Let us take another careful look into their other aspects. They have two peculiar similarities, which can help our cause.

1. They are ridiculously wealthy:
Kit Walker (phantom) has treasure worth billions of dollars in his skull cave. Bruce Wayne (batman) and Johnny Stark (ironman), are industrialists, while Diego (zorro) is a Spanish aristocrat.

2. They all have a close servant or friend who knows their secret:
The Phantom has Guran as his servant; Batman has Alfred the butler; Ironman has actress Gwyneth Paltrow as his page; and finally Zorro has his little brother Bernard.

Taking in account these attributes, if we look among all the famous tales published in history, we can conclude that all these crimefighters are inspired from Baroness Orczy's classic, 'The Scarlet Pimpernel'. Although the Scarlet Pimpernel doesn't wear a mask he is somewhat similar, in a sense that he is feared by all french police, and is resourceful and ingenious in planning. He is immensely rich and has a private valet called Frank who shares his secret. However, this really doesn't help us because the 'Scarlet Pimpernel' himself is a fantasy.

Now looking back at classics published before 'The Scarlet Pimpernel', we can see that the idea used by Baroness Orczy about a rich man with a loyal servant plotting against evildoers, is inspired from 'The Count of Monte Cristo' by Alexandre Dumas.

The Count of Monte Cristo is a young sailor named Edmond Dantes, who when engaged to a beautiful lady, becomes a victim of a conspiracy hatched by a jealous friend and three other rivals together, and is arrested for treason by the French government. He goes to prison, and meets a priest who teaches him the art of combat and bequeaths him a hidden treasure before dying. Soon Edmond escapes from the prison, retrieves the treasure, and thus becoming filthy rich enjoys his revenge in a hideous and deceptive manner masterminded in a cunning way against all those four men who robbed his life from him, and he eventually has them killed.

This story gentlemen, is no fantasy. Surely Dumas wouldn't be able to imagine such a bizarre plot all by himself without being inspired by a true story of similar manner, for it is always in real life that the most bizarre events happen rather than in stories. Dumas' novel is based on a story he retrieved from French police archives.

The novel is based on the life of Pierre Picaud. Picaud was a shoemaker in Nimes. He was engaged to marry a rich damsel, and could have actually married her if not for his three jealous friends who proved him to be a British spy. Picaud was sent to prison without knowing why he was arrested. In prison, he eventually found out the reason for his sentence. Jsut as in the novel, Picaud managed to dig a tunnel from his cell to another, and there he got acquainted with va priest called Father Torri. Torri died in prison, leaving Picaud with the knowledge of his wealth hidden in Milan. Picaud was eventually released from prison, and he went on to collect the treasure and return to France with a false identity. He then succesfully plotted his revenge against all the three friends in a highly brutal manner. There was a fourth friend calle Allut who did not play any part in Picaud's arrest, although he was aware of Picaud's innocence and didn't help. According to the records, this story was dictated to the police by the fourth friend, who later kidnapped Picaud and had him killed. It is not exactly known how Allut found out about Picaud's exploits in prison, because in the archives it is mentioned that, Father Torri's ghost told Allut about that. However this was not to be believed as Allut was on his deathbed while telling the police about this. Historians believe Picaud himself told Allut about his time in prison while he was in abduction. Except for the dodgy ghost mystery, the rest of story about Picaud's life is true.

Pierre Picaud wasn't exactly a crimefighter. Nevertheless many historians today believe that all the masked crimefighting stuff is indirectly inspired by him. I doubt Picaud might have realised he could have been more popular had he spent all that treasure from Milan into making a brand new Phantom costume for himself. But nevertheless his experience isn't an ordinary one, and he surely is the leading candidate for our real life Phantom.

Lines

2008-05-30T08:33:00.001-07:00

One of the prime features that a good film or cartoon (or even sometimes a bad one) offers us, and a feature which a good deal of the people although appreciate, seldom consider it consequential enough in wholesome entertain, is the one-liners or punchlines. Witty remarks that could otherwise have impressed a panel of interviewers if not used already in the film, not only catch our attention but also add flavour to the scene, if not anything else. The one line satire may be hardly helpful in reviewing the film, but it definitely is loads better than lousy sardar and blonde jokes. Along with them we do have a lot of occasional jokes and punchlines to make films and cartoons worth watching. Here is a list of all my favourite punchlines(as far as i can remember; there may be more but just can't recall them all right now). You are free to add ones that I have missed. The dialogues may be different in words in movies actually, as I am writing them down from sheer memory. Spare any mistakes.

1. The Cliffhanger
A group of criminals are on a plane which has no pilots and is about to crash. One of their member is badly injured by a bullet hit. When the plane is losing altitude in is about to fall in rocky mountains, another gang member asks the leader,"What do we do about him? He is not gonna make it"
Just when the plane is nearing the crash the boss replies, "How about taking him to a hospital".

2. Jingle all the way
When Arnold Schwarzenegger is mistaken for the Turbo man actor, and as is being dressed up, he notices Turbo man's comarade 'Booster' already in his costume, and says," Hey I know you. you're Booster".
And Booster replies,"Oh yeah. And who the hell do you think you are. Mary Poppins?"

3. A few good men
When Tom Cruise compells Jack Nicholson to confess his crime in front of the jury, and as Nicholson is being taken in custody, he says," You fucking people. You don't know how to defend a country. You put peoples' lives in danger. Sweet dreams son."
Cruise replies," Don't call me son, you son-of-a-bitch"

4. I can't really remember the name of the movie, which I viewed long time back on HBO. But it was based on a group of aliens who after bieng stranded on earth, decide to live alongside other humans, expecting to pass a humans. They look just like humans except their elongated and tapering heads, and they also have a ridiculously high IQ. When the alien female goes shopping in a mall with her human neighbour, and while having a chat, her neighbor tells her, referring to her own husband, "Men are really pigs."
The alien female says," Pig? You mean a domesticated animal which excretes the same place where it consumes?"

5. Shrek 2
Shrek wakes up to find himself in human form, and realizes that he needs to kiss 'his true love' before midnight if the change is to be made permanent. But a group of three horny girls surround him, and try to seduce him.
First girl : I'll be your true love.
Second girl : No, I'll be you true love.
Third girl : No, I'll be your true love....umm...true enough.

6. Eurotrip
a) Jamie is excited about his forthcoming trip to Europe with is twin sister, and tells Cooper, "...I can hardly wait. We have already packed. You wanna see my artillery?"
Cooper spontaneously replies, "You wanna see my balls?"

b) Cooper notices Candy sitting nude inside the swimming pool, and takes a dive in the pool. The girl is taken aback by his sudden appearance, ask him, "What are you doing here?"
Cooper says,"Oops, I guess this isn't where I parked my car"

7. Pirates of the Carribean, the legend of the black pearl
Johnny Depp is imprisoned along with other pirates, when the pirate ship Black Pearl attacks the harbour. Other prisoners are frightened and say,"Its the black pearl. Stories say it leaves no survivors."
Depp replies,"No survivors! Where do the stories come from, I wonder."

8. Tea with Mussolini
This scene is not exactly funny, but rather, emotional in the way things turned out. The film is based in an era just before the second world war. When Mussolini and Hitler begin their mutual friendship, and two powerful nations form an leviathan coalition, the Englanders living in Italy suffer. Although the Italian have no feud whatsoever with the English families settled in Italy, they realize that its only a matter of years before Italy would be drawn in a war with England. And so just to be cautious of the secret service they citizens of Italy begin distancing themselves with their English friends.
A rich Italian businessman fires his personal assistant, and says that he is sorry to do so, but is compelled due to the way things had gone. Realizing the truth in his words,the Englishwoman leaves without arguing. Just as she is leaving he says to her,"Don't go back to England. Instead move to USA. The way I see it, England is finished. In a few years probably, England would cease to exist."
The English woman says, " I wouldn't be too sure of that".

9. The Island
Evan McGregor is a clone who is brought up in a facility owned by a company which manufactures clones of rich people for medical replacements.Which goes to say, he doesn't know anything about the world we live in, neither the human civilization. He has no proper education either.
Once, while talking to Steve Buschemi, who is a worker at the facility, Buschemi mentions the word 'God'. And McGregor ask him, "What is God?"
Buschemi replies,"Oh god... you know, when you want something very badly, and you close your eyes and wish that you would get it... God is the guy who ignores you"

These are all I can think of at the moment. There may be many more of course. Perhaps you can help me remember.

Against the odds (..Continued)

2008-05-22T08:13:00.000-07:00

We will get back to the roman era again in the next post. But first let us take a peep into the period when the French revolution was at its peek. Yes guys, French revolution has a lot more to contribute to history than just some angry mob of psychopaths roaming around the streets and beheading every aristocratic organism they could find. The battle which I am going to tell you about now, occured in time when French revolution was at its zenith. Just like the battle of Alesia, even the battle of Tuileries is not among the most well known. Yet, to best describe it, if Battle of Alesia paved way for Caesar to become the most powerful man in the world, then Battle of Tuileries as good as placed Napolean Bonaparte at the helm of Revolutionary command. Moreover this battle is described in a completely erroneous way on Wikipedia, in just eight lines. Not only does it deserve a lot more emphasis, but also, the guys on Wikipedia have mentioned that " Bonaparte was serving in Paris and was given command of the improvised forces defending the Convention in the Tuileries Palace". This is totally bullshit. Technically, the whole sentence is correct. But they haven't written anything about the circumstances under which he was given command, nor about the importance of this battle. The person who wrote this probably forgot to include that if the Royalist would have won, the French Revolution would have ended then and there and that few hours before being given command Napolean was working near the palace as a librarian. From a librarian to a commander of 'National guards'(the term is explain later in this post), in a matter of hours, is really a feat only the greatest can perform. Which is why this battle must be given the attention it deserves(not on my blog). But yet this is for those who would like to read about such extraordinary feats.

Battle two

Battle of Tuileries : "Citizen Bonaparte knows the best"

Napolean was truly a hero made out of persistent hardwork right from youth. There was a time once when he couldn't work out a math problem in school, but reluctant to admit to anyone he can't solve it, he spent 72 hours working on it till he finally craked the nut. Imagine, three days one one problem. I can't spend more than an hour on a problem before I call up my pals for the solution. Much of todays warfare techniques and tactics like building bunkers and trenches, cover fire, gas bombs for cover, and even the concept of a sniper, were all a brainchild of this young man.

Few years after the French Revolution began, England made a desperate bid to attack France to help all the aristocrats being murdered there. They decided to attack from the south, and advanced in the Toulon region. Napolean then was hardly out of his teenage, and yet he was given command of the troops to drive the english out of Toulon, which he successfully did with along with the assistance of a young soldier named Junot(who later became the Duke of Abrantes). This was his first major battle in charge. Yet somehow the credit of victory was never given to Napolean since he was junior and of lower ranks, and people never knew the real mastermind behind the defeat of English. Nevertheless, the truth could not be hidden from the army and he became a celebrity among all the high ranking officers.

Toulon ; English ships hit by French artillery

But the celebrations were short lived as he was soon caught in an attempt to help an aristocrat escape out of the country. His reputation was the only thing that saved him from guillotine, and he went on to loose his place in the army. Later on he was overwhelmed with frustration, and unemployment didn't appeal to him at all. He said in his biography that he even considered suicide for some time. After a certain time he managed to get a job of a librarian in the capital of the Revolution and was working there.

Then ame the day when fortunes turned for both France and Napolean. The French army was engaged in war with Prussia, who just like england were trying to save the monarchy. All the major armed forced were on the battle front. Realizing this, the Royalist made their last and even their least attempt to save the kingdom. They managed to gather about forty thousand troops including supporters of monarchy and laid a siege on the capital. Citizen Robespierre was long dead then along with Danton and Marat. The country was then run by the "Committee of Public Safety', and was then gathered at the Tuileries palace. The Royalists planned to wipe out the committee, and end the godforsaken revolution. The capital had mere 4000 national guards, who hardly had any first hand combat experience, and were a sort of people used against local criminals and for arresting aristocrats. There were all the committee had to protect themselves.

On their first assault, the national guards were almost halved in numbers by the royalists. The Committee decided to hand over the command of the guards to General Menou, who was a well respected officer, and had never lost a battle in his entire career. But Menou refused the appointment, saying it was impossible to win, and that he didn't want to be the man responsible to end the revolution. The committee had then given up all hope and were waiting for the doom.

Just hours later, Menou while making his way out of the palace noticed Napolean around who had finished his library duties. He recognised him to be the man who drove the English out of Toulon, and greeted him. He then apprised Napolean of the circumstances, and Napolean said "Let me handle it". General Menou was an experienced man and he believed that if anyone could save the revolution now, Napolean would be that man. He then went on to introduce Napolean to the Committee, and told them he was the man they were looking for. At first glance the committee looked at Menou as if he had lost his mind. Napolean never had the features of a soldier, including his short height and feminine looks, along his record for helping an aristo. But realising they had no choice, they agreed to Menou's terms and appointed Napolean as the Commander of the guards.

On being appointed Napolean struck a 'commando operation' along with fellow soldier Joachim Murat, and captured all the royalist artillery(cannons). Adding this the the stockpile of cannons at the palace, he set up a number of booby traps withing the city for approaching royalist forces. Spending the whole afternoon setting up troops in the capital, he positioned the guards in such a manner as to create an ambush in every street, with help of the captured artillery.

Joachim Murat

An then there was the great battle. The royalist, who were already in half mind to celebrate victory, went in head first in the capital only to be shot like ducks. And they went on to save the revolution. Over twenty thousand were killed, and the survivors fled into the country. Napolean had hardly lost any men or any street in this whole battle. Two thousand men against forty thousand attackers. Not exactly a desirable ratio for the defending side. The odd are still the largest among all the battles fought, earlier and later.

Battle of Tuileries palace: Royalists killed in the ambush

Till morning he was just a librarian and by nightfall Napolean had become the national hero, with is name being pronounced in every corner of Paris. Vicomte de Barras, then the head of the committee, pardoned Napolean for his sympathy towards the aristocrats, and welcomed him on the committee. Within the next five years, Napolean had captured power, and was the undisputed ruler of France.

Vicomte de Barras

Its is to be noted that his achievements weren't sheer luck. He had worked hard than any other soldier, and was a high ranking official before he was dismissed from the army. He never wasted even so much as an hour without study, and was an exceptional academician. He still is the youngest person to be given the rank of a General till this date, which was before the battle of Tuileries took place.

Against the odds (part 1)

2008-05-14T00:25:00.000-07:00

After an argument with Onkar lately, who is of the opinion that Moshe Dayan had no part to play in the Six days war (crap), I decided to post about major epoch making battles in history, when great military strategists turned the tables on their enemies by a series of tactical maneuvers in the battlefield, changing the course of military campaigns. Although it is true that luck has indeed played its part in all these battles, I cannot help feeling that the goddess of fortune has justly smiled upon the brave. So what happens when you suddenly find yourself in an ambush, when your enemies aim at you from an elevated position, or you run out of resources with no time left to think, your just a thousand men too short to face your opponents, or perhaps if you have only one bullet left to kill three birds. It my be a Catch 22 situation, but its only in times like these that great heroes are born.

For convenience I will post all the battles in each individual post starting with this one.
Battle ONE
Battle of Alesia: 'Let them eat grass'

This battle paved way for Julius Caesar to become the most powerful man in the world. A feeble version of this is actually included in the first version of Age of Empires pc video game, although it doesn't in any manner recreate the actual battle(apart from the ring shaped double circumvallation).

Caesar had spent his life's worth for his campaign in Gaul (present day nation of France). But the Barbarians in Gaul were united under their leader Vercingetorix. Caesar had to go through great ordeals to reach their capital city of Alesia. On one occasion when his food supplies ran out he ordered his men to feed themselves with grass, eating grass himself for that purpose.

Vercingetorix, the Gaul leader

Julius Caesar... everyone knows who this guy is

But after reaching the city he realized he just had twenty thousand men to attack the capital. To add to his despair a force of over one lac Gauls was right behind him to rescue the city. He did the most unimaginable thing a military commander could do. He first built a circular wall around the capital city to lay a siege. And then he built a second circular wall around the first one to defend themselves from the Gaul force approaching them to get relief to their leader Vercingetorix who occupied the capital. The roman army of twenty thousand men sandwiched between more than one lac bloodthirsty Gauls, occupying a narrow ring shaped wooden wall formation, with limited food supplies, was the scenario then. The fortifications built by Caesar are termed as double circumvallation at Alesia.

The picture shows city of Alesia on the top of the hill along with double circumvallation built by Romans

The Gauls attacked the weakest and the narrowest region of the circumvallation from both inside as well as outside. Romans found it difficult to control the situation. Caesar was right at the center of the battlefield with his men. After some time the Gauls managed to bring down the fortification, and it seemed as if the city's army and the relief force from outside will meet together and combine themselves to wipe out the Romans.

At this instance Caesar knew he had to do something, or he would be facing oblivion. The trick he pulled out then is regarded as the most shrewd military maneuver ever. He sent a small contingent of Romans soldiers out of the battlefield into the forest. These soldiers made their way into the woods and changed their uniforms to brand new one, with gold plated armour. Then they rode back to the battle field with huge pomp.

The Gauls looking at the manner of their arrival, thought that a fresh army of Romans had arrived. (Actually an army was on its way for help to Caesar, and the Gauls knew of its coming, but it was quite far away yet). Remember that the Gaul army comprised of Barbarian and and poorly trained savage militia who were in highly uncouth formation with no proper ranks or order. Mistaking it for the Roman division, fear spread among the fighting savages and the Gauls army was scattered, and the relief force returned to the forest. Vercingetorix retreated back to the city with no choice left and the Romans were saved.

Caesar's fortification around Alesia

The next day Vercingetorix surrendered. He arrived on his horse in the Roman camp, and presented himself to Caesar alone, unarmed and begged him to show mercy towards the citizen of Alesia, and asked Caesar not to kill them, but take them as slaves and let them live. Earlier all roman generals like Pompey, Lucullus and Crassus would usually massacre all their prisoners inhumanly. But Caesar agreed to his terms and took all the Gauls at Alesia as slaves, and war was over following the surrender.

Vercingetorix (on the horse) when he surrendered to Caesar

Vercingetorix was taken to Rome as a slave, and Caesar's generosity to spare the lives of all the Gaul women and children made him popular among Romans and Barbarians alike. It was his campaign in Gaul that provided him a platform for his conquest. He later went on to Rome, Greece and later Egypt. I really don't need to write about the rest of his exploits with Pompey and Cleopatra.

The Agony of Defeat

2008-04-30T22:04:00.000-07:00

The worst times in Europe since Joe Fagan and Gerrard Houllier

Defeat is not that difficult to accept when you never look to be in a winning position. I have never felt any sympathy to a losing team when they play in horrendous manner. But after watching last night's dramatic semifinal against Chelsea at Stamford Bridge, when Liverpool finally broke the goal scoring jinx at Chelsea's home, it was really very frustrating to watch them lose in such a manner. Moreover it was their first semifinal defeat in any competition under Rafa Benitez, and their first in European Competition after 43 years. They had never lost a Semi ever since Bob Paisley took over the management.

The reason I can't help sympathizing with players is because the clubs problems run deeper, from management to the board. Since the last 16 years, despite delivering few world class performances, the most successful club in Europe had achieved a little silverware. This year was supposed to be the year for Liverpool. Everything looked perfect at the beginning. With new owners investing over 100 million pounds, and Fernando Torres' arrival, Benitez had planned it perfectly. And then problems started emerging. First with Daniel Agger, the key central defender grabbing up a long term injury, and 34 year old Sami Hyppia was the only choice left for his replacement. Then Andriy Voronin joining the list of injured players. Just when the club finally adjusted to these hurdles, Dirk Kuyt's father expired, and the striker lost his form, and killer instinct. The public spat with owners and Benitez added fuel to the fire. To make matters worse in the next year, DIC made an unsolicited bid to buy the club, resulting in complete breakdown of unity in the Liverpool board room. Fans accuse Tom Hicks of mishandling the club.

People see Hicks as the person who brought down the club. The latest uproar among Liverpool fans was when he asked Rick Parry, the club president to resign. This enraged the fans. Hicks also put the club in heavy debts for construction of the stadium. All these moves clearly made him unpopular, especially with the House of Lords interfering in club affairs.

But in my opinion Tom Hicks has been quite reasonable in his approach to the club. He couldn't possibly have sanctioned more transfer expenditure for the club, when Liverpool was on the brink of being knocked out in the group stages. The new stadium is a necessity. The current capacity is around 40,000 as compared to the Emirates Stadium of Arsenal which can hold over 80,000. This itself justifies the debt on the club. Moreover Hicks has been quite credible to ask Rick Parry for resignation. Ever since Parry has been at the helm of the club, Liverpool haven't achieved any significant victory. Parry's relations with Rafa Benitez are marked with consistent ups and downs. The club has only 4 major sponsors, where they should have had around 15. And despite having millions of fans in Asia, the club has no activity in the region. The share prices of Liverpool on stock market listings is quite average compared to other European clubs like Internazionale and Real Madrid. Unless these things are resolved it is quite difficult to return to the winning ways.
Tom Hicks - Liverpool co-owner

Even Rafael Benitez can't escape from the blame game. Benitez has hit out against a lot of players this year. The video he compiled involving Didier Droga and his gimmicks, did in fact enrage players in EPL. Not to mention his loathing for Ex-Chelsea boss Jose Murinho, which ran so deep that he couldn't help the abusive press conference when Murinho resigned. Benitez sure has a big mouth. While it may be true that he is a great tactician when it comes to European football, his attitude and reluctance to abandon his controversial 'Rotation policy' has cost the club over five seasons without a league win despite having a top notch squad. The 'rotation policy' has worked for him in Spain when he won two La Liga titles with Valencia. But he is too stubborn to adapted to the English game.

Though it should be noted that his record in EPL is quite remarkable compared to many other successful managers. The UCL in his first year, the FA cup in second year, and the League cup in third year, with this season to be the first trophyless year at Liverpool under Benitez's management, his record, speaks for itself. In fact, taking in account his past in La Liga, it will be after seven long years that he is finishing the season without any silverware. It is an illustrative record, for any football manager.

But after all, as the captain Steven Gerrard had said earlier this season, for a club like Liverpool, winning UCL and FA cup is definitely insatiable. With the future of the club heading into the unknown, it is difficult to predict where Liverpool is headed. Fans can't do more for the club apart from watching, as the American sporting giants and Sultan Makhtoum's men battle for power in the boardroom.

Yet the club has improved hundred folds since previous 14 years. Lately the club was a one-man team, with Steve McManhamon, and later Steven Gerrard doing the job of several players on field. Now there are two players doing that with Fernando Torres joining the ranks. The fans do hope young guns like Alex Cooper and Stephen Darby make it into the first team, next season. The predicted arrival of Aston Villa captain Gareth Barry will promisingly strengthen the midfield, along with Daniel Agger returning to the defensive department.

As said in the true-story based classic novel by Alexandre Dumas,

"Entire human wisdom can be summed up in three words, 'Wait and hope'."

Eight Pass Charlie

2008-04-28T06:52:00.000-07:00

In my opinion, there can be no peace between India and Pakistan unless the Kashmir issue is settled. For either of the countries, giving up hold over Kashmir would mean a colossal political defeat. And neither will be satisfied with shared pieces. To win the territory by force would involve a leviathan toll over human lives as well as economy, which at the moment neither country looks capable of sustaining. Even if in future we manage to actually empower our economy to buoy such a move, it is obvious that superpowers will interfere and pressurize us to bring about an entente. That goes to say that the debate over Kashmir, the militancy and the struggle will go on for decades, unless of course some 'Gorbachev' gets himself at the helm of political machinery of either of the nations, and compromises the pride of his country for sake of a larger picture, destroying his popularity along with it.

For this reason, we Indians can be forgiven for recognizing Pakistanis as our enemies. But one of my favourite generals Julius Caesar had said in his time, 'Respect your enemies, and you will be respected'. For this reason I feel proud to post about my favourite Pakistani war hero. Ironically I learned about him from officers of Indian Air Force. His tale is quite popular among our air force lads. We don't know his real name since it is a secret shared only by the Pakistanis. But here in India everyone refers to him by his codename, 'Eight Pass Charlie'.

During Lal Bahadur Shastri's era, although we celebrated victory after reaching Rawalpindi(then the capital of Pakistan), it may not be told in the books, but is a fact that Pakistanis dominated the air battle. To be better acquainted with air battles, it is well to know that there are three kinds of planes:

Fighter aircraft for air-to-air combat.

Bomber aircraft for air-to-round combat.

Cargo Airplanes for transportation.

Most of the ace pilots work with fighter airplanes. While bomber planes are used along with heavy cover of fighter jets. The bomber planes are heavier than fighter jets and have less maneuverability than fighter jets, along with large wing span, and less speed. This makes them soft targets of anti-aircraft guns. This is one of the reasons that they fly at a great height. In those days when our enemy had to attack our airbases, flying at a great height would reduce the accuracy of bombing to 0%. Hence they had no choice but to fly low.

For that reason, in order to avoid getting blown out of the sky by Indian ground defenses, they generally carried only eight bombs in each flight, which would reduce their weight and increase their speed. Many enemy pilots were dead scared of our anti aircraft defense, and hence probably pissing in their pants, they had to fly over our airbase for once and they would most often drop all eight bombs in a single pass, in a very erratic manner, resulting in a very inconsequential damage for us. After having done, they would return home to fill in another eight bombs.

However, when the 'Eight pass Charlie' would arrive in his bomber plane, it would be without any cover of fighter jets. He would fly close to the ground, and would make eight consecutive passes over our airbase, and drop one bomb in each pass, amid heavy barrage of anti aircraft fire. His aim was accurate and his single flight would inflict the heaviest damage on out troops, more than what the all other planes would collectively do in an entire day. Later on by the end of the war, every officer in Indian ground defense team was able to recognize his familiar engine noise and style of flight. All of them held great admiration for him in their heart for displaying such valour, when attempting to knock him out of air.

He remained unbeaten till the end of the war. Such was his skill and bravery that is quite hard to come buy, even among pilots. While Arun Lal might opine that discretion be the better part of courage, this guy must have definitely thought otherwise. His remarkable courage is what makes him stand out among other Pakistanis. He certainly cannot be called a terrorist for fighting against us.

I believe such a courage should be appreciated by us, despite being enemies. He is probably one of the elements Pakistan can be proud of, if not all the other bloodthirsty jihadis.

Serene verses

2008-04-23T08:17:00.000-07:00

I am not such a big fan of Robert Frost's poems. But I read his masterpiece, the "Stopping by woods on a snowy evening" long back when I was in school. Today I remember every single word of that poem verbatim. It is said to have inspired many people.

The true brilliance in the poem lies in a way that Mr. Frost has described one of the most indisputable morals in life in the most simplistic manner. Whenever I recall these words, I somehow grieve over my lethargy and irresponsible behavior.

The poem is quite famous among all other poems by Robert Frost, and I am sure lots of people might already be familiar with the lines. But still I am posting it for all those, from whom these lines escaped earlier.

Stopping by the woods on a snowy evening

Whose woods are these I think I know
His house is in the village though
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow

My little horse must think it's queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake
The only other sound, the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake

These woods are lovely, dark and deep
But I have promises to keep
And miles to go before I sleep
And miles to go before I sleep

- Robert Frost

This second one is not as popular as the above poem. But I liked it nevertheless. It is a mere two lines poem. But again I am awestruck by the simplistic composition.

The Secret Sits

We dance round in a ring and suppose,
But the Secret sits in the middle and knows.

P53 enzyme

2008-04-12T08:22:00.000-07:00

It really annoys me that lots of people are under the impression that alcohol is largely responsible for the disease of cancer.

When you ask them about their idea of Cancer, many of them say that a body cell suddenly goes bad due to the intoxicants and multiplies like hell, in the end killing you. It is really sad to say that though they are entirely right about that part, they still hardly know what Cancer exactly is and what contributes to it. Let me assure you guys that the much celebrated devil of alcohol actually has zero contribution in the disease. To make everyone familiar with what exactly happens when Cancer develops into your body, lets us get into the details...

In a way the real culprit in the Cancer disease is the P53 enzyme. Ironically, P53 is one of the most essential elements of our body.P53 or Protein 53 enzyme is responsible for the production of P53 gene. This gene is really vital.

The fuction of P53 gene is that of a designer. When a new cell is created in our body, the P53 gene actually builds up the nucleus. I wont go into the complicated DNA structures, but just mention that P53 instructs the cell about its functions and the way it should work. And this process goes on for every kind of cell in our body.

The obvious question is 'what does this have to do with cancer?'... The answer is sometimes the P53 gene turns out to be an abnormal one, or to be more precise, it is a mutated gene. When this gene structures the DNA in nucleus the cell 'goes bad' and doesn't know what to do. In other words it goes on into uncontrollable mitosis. And that is how a Cancer develops. Thus Cancer can develop in any kind of body cell(there are few exception though).

Now our problem lies in the fact that how does a P53 gene get mutated. Mutation is not really a rare phenomenon. The biggest reason for mutation is the progressing human generation. Yes guys, it is exactly as the 'Professor' says in the movie 'X-men'(don't be so pleased, cause you're not really going to have any superpowers). It should be noted that everyone of us has over millions of mutated p53 genes in our body right now. The reason that we don't catch the dreadful disease is because our body generates enough 'normal' p53 genes to completely nullify the effect of mutated genes.

However sometimes due to our misfortune, the normal p53 just aren't there when a cell is created or they fail to work. In that case, mutated p53 drive the new cell to a Cancer(if again by coincidence it happens to be around). This is solely because of luck guys. The only contribution
that the carcinogenic substances have in this whole process is that they are capable of bringing about mutation in normal p53 genes. Alcohol doesn't cause any mutation. There are other substances in your drinks like nitrosomines which are capable of mutating a p53 gene. Remember again guys that being capable of mutating doesn't mean that it surely will mutate the gene. The possibility of mutation is more unlikely. And even if it does, the mutated genes so created form just a minor fraction of the million mutated genes already present in our body.

It means there is absolutely no possibility of completely avoiding Cancer. In fact Cancer is 99 % bad luck. A man who never touched an intoxicant for all his life can catch the disease just like that. On the other hand if I were to inject even 10 ml of liquid containing mutated p53 genes in your body, there still a chance that you'll have a perfect health.

So guys enjoy Vodka!.

Read before you speak...

2008-04-02T07:02:00.000-07:00

M.K.Gandhi
That name is known by almost every educated person in the world, because of reason you very well know(assuming that you're educated). Surprisingly he is despised by many Indians today, especially the youngsters.

I feel like kicking balls of every single person who has a go at him. (and his has nothing to do with Munnabhai). The reason for this is when I ask people about him, they reply with all kinds of expletives they could think of. And more annoyingly they make so many ridiculous allegations against him. A few of them are, 'He was a coward not to use weapons', and 'suppressed great leaders like Subhas Chandra Bose and etc.', and the biggest and the most common one of them all is 'was responsible for partition of India' and the most disgruntling 'He paid 80 crore to Pakistan'.

Well as far as being a coward is concerned, I must say even a fraction of the courage he possessed would be more than enough for a common man to brave all disasters today. Suppressing leaders is out of questions because great leaders cannot be suppressed in any case.

I will forgive those who think that non-violence or satyagraha was a bad idea. Yeah maybe with violence things might have turned out differently for India, perhaps better or worse, which cannot be said. But that was his way of doing things, like every great leader has his own philosophy, and it wasn't totally futile either.

But what I cannot excuse is when people blame him for partition. I mean these people are the ones who hear stories from other friends and make up their opinion. Partition of India was much of an incident engineered by the ever lousy British lads, and in my opinion Gandhiji like every other Indian just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Of all the things that happened during the violence and partitioning I don't really suppose that even for one moment did the thought of splitting up appealed to a leader of his eminence. As far as Godse is concerned he was a maniac. After all he didn't really achieve anything by the assassination. If he were really concerned about the revenge he so boasted, he would have rather gone to Pakistan and killed Jinnah, which would have taken immense efforts and courage, rather than shooting an unarmed man without any security cover. Yeah I'll might be willing to accept that the words "HEY RAM" didn't really escape Ghandiji's tongue.

But the biggest misunderstandings among everyone was over that '80 crore to Pakistan' crap. If people would really be so sentimental and patriotic towards their country, and boast about so called values possessed by Indians, of what they call "Sankar' in hindi films, perhaps if they would have bothered to read all the historic books, which describe the incidents that happened during that era, they would have learned that India was indebted to Pakistan for about 150 to 200 crore rupees and that we great Indians as good as swindled Pakistanis in terms of fair business.

Before the Congress agreed to partition it was agreed among the two nations to pay the other, the difference in asset values at that time, which will be generated as a result of large 'shift of population'. In that event all the people abandoning their estates here in India were to get compensation in Pakistan in terms of incentives and other things. India had hence, agreed to pay Pakistan approximately 200 crore(as stated in Gen. Mushraff's autobiography), which after the British left, we never paid. This fact is never stated in any school history textbook here in India, and I don't think any history teacher is aware of it either. Because of Gandhiji, we at least paid Pakistan those 80 crore. Pakistan does have enough reasons to despise us. In my opinion this was cheating. And remember that these events happened before the Kashmir war, so we didn't have any dispute against them at that time, when we proudly claimed that we were a secular state.

This maybe a debate, but in my opinion Mahatma Gandhi did the right thing, since he so believed in not cheating anyone. There is one thing you cannot deny, that Gandhiji persisted till the end, against every odds, and that is what makes him one of the greatest leaders in the world. Today if you ask any foreigner about the first Indian face that comes into his mind, I am sure he would be anyone other than Gandhiji. And to bring about such result it takes an entire life of hard work, persistence and struggle, along with immense courage. So before you have a go at the Mahatma again you might want to ask yourself, 'to question his greatness, do you even possess a single attribute of his?'

Plastic Sea in Spain

2008-03-14T03:34:00.000-07:00

Almeria in spain was one of the most barren and poorest regions in Europe, as good as a desert. And within a couple of years people of Almeria have become millionares, surprisingly by farming. This is how almeria looks from a satellite...

The shiny land is called the Sea of Plastic. Actually, the entire region is full of greenhouses now. Farmers in Almeria have constructed millions of greenhouses, contained with over billions of soil bags suspended from rods in air and containing vegetables of different kinds. These green houses cover entire mountain ranges and plains, encroached in every available space and are still expanding. This has transformed the poorest region in Europe into the largest exporter of vegetables in the continent today. They export more than hundred thousand(in Million tonnes) vegetables in a single day to other European countries apart from their domestic trade. The green houses are designed to maintain varying temperature for different crops, with customised irrigation facilities for particular vegetables and extensive use of fertilizers. It doesn't come of much surprise that environmentalists have protested to the government over the expansion of these greenhouses, but they donot have considerable charges against them.

The farmers have gathered huge profits in millions of euros, and even Spanish filmstars envy them today. Owning about 30 acres of farmland, or rather any sort of land in Almeria (since plasticulture doesn't require that your land be cultivable as your vegetable plantation is never in contact with the ground surface) will be enough to make you earn a profit of 1M euros (and now this is worth more than dollars) in two years. And the best part of the deal is that their farming system doesnt required that lots of people be working on the farm. One individual is recommended for 2 acres of land, and has to work for an average of 4 to 5 hours a day, as the rest of things are mechanised.

So you might want to think of it as a career option.

Unpopular and yet effective

2008-03-08T03:18:00.001-08:00

Many of my hobbies include working with utilities which are usually unheard of but more effective than the popular ones. For instance I use 7 different web browsers. Here's the list:

1. K-Meleon ( Mozilla )
2. Flock ( Mozilla )
3. Q-trax ( Songbird )
4. Sea Monkey ( Mozilla )
5. Space Time
6. Safari ( Apple )
7. Wyzo ( Bitcomet )

These are hardly used by anyone. But these browsers are quite fast compared to Internet explorer 7 or Firefox ( Mozilla ), which is a fact hardly known by anyone.
The Q-trax is specially designed for song downloads while 'Space Time' gives you a feeling of 3d web surfing.
What surprises me is that hardly anyone has ever heard of these browsers. The use of variety is fun. It makes you feel as if you have set your own rules and are not a stereotype. Speaking of browsers the most popular is Internet explorer. The reason for IE to be the most widely used is not because it is any better, but the fact that people are too ignorant to even notice that web browser is actually an independent software compatible with your operating system. Many people undoubtedly believe that IE is a part of their 'Windows OS' ( which is most widely used ).

The global statics is as follows : (Click on the image to enlarge)

Post number 1

2008-03-07T07:22:00.000-08:00

This is post number one(as you can see). It feels as if I have begun writing a diary, which I previously used to regard as a girlish habit. But after witnessing the active and overwhelming participation of my friends who are not at all girlish( including girls) in the blogging community, I was seduced into making my own blog. To be honest I am not really your next door a nice guy and women find me very rude, and elders find me very irresponsible and lethargic most of the time among all the other unpleasant attributes.

This is part unfortunately is not reflected in my thoughts, since I happen to think in a very ideal and straight forward way. It also makes me quite ruthless when it comes to others emotions and rudeness follows likewise. Not that I am proud of it. But I don't like to pretend something I am not, and I have absolutely no regrets about my opinions.

Autocracy fits my taste perfectly. And though I am not much of a communist I do believe in the kind of system run by the thinking "Comrade Stalin knows the best". But maintaining your reputation as a spoiled brat and not thinking like one is a really tough job since it involves in doing things you know are unacceptable to you.
But my philosophy suggest in the minimal effort plan... In other words, never send ten people to do one man's job or never score ten goals wen one is enough to win the soccer game. Obviously that makes me careless cause I never portray myself as civilized and sincere person to others unless the situation actually demands that I act like a smart lad(which is quite difficult to judge).

But in this blog I am all my true self, and so gentlemen In case my reputation precedes me, I hope you would not treat my blog as a bilge by some nutcase.
Greetings to all!!